Archie’s witty sallies and disclosures, as usual, are sprinkled through the story and add to its zest. It is intriguing to learn that he once spent nine rainy hours in a doorway on a stakeout. At one point he tells us, too, “I no longer had any illusions about dimples. The most attractive and best-placed ones I had ever seen were on the cheeks of a woman who had fed arsenic to three husbands in a row.” The invasion of the brownstone by the T-men sparks some of his most audacious quips. He asks one of them, “ ‘Did you find the snow in the secret drawer?’ ” And he also asks the man to turn his mattress because it’s due for a turning. He explains further that FBI stands for “Foiled By Intelligence.” We cannot pass from the subject of Archie without noting one curious detail attaching to the original manuscript. Archie’s crucial maneuver of leaving his hat and coat in Hattie’s parlor was, for Rex, an afterthought. He actually taped that detail over the passage it replaced. For Rex such backtracking in his manuscripts was unprecedented.
William S. Baring-Gould surmised that the events recounted in “Counterfeit for Murder” occurred on a Monday and Tuesday in the winter of 1960–1961. He was wrong. Rex’s notes show that they occurred in 1959, on Monday, January 26, and Tuesday, January 27. These dates, used in the original, were retained in the rewrite.
The year in which Rex wrote his two versions of “Counterfeit for Murder” was, for him, an annus mirabilis. He wrote three stories in 1958 and three again in 1960. In 1959 he worked on five. “Eeny Meeny Murder Mo,” was finished in January. Between January and March he produced his two versions of “Counterfeit for Murder.” Plot It Yourself was begun in May and finished in July. “The Rodeo Murder” was begun in September and finished in October. A suggestion that he wrote “Counterfeit for Murder” twice because he was unsure of himself can have no validity. Rex was far from being written out. Indeed, he would write another seventeen Nero Wolfe stories, eleven of them novels, before he racked up his quill at eighty-nine. That he could do a second version of “Counterfeit for Murder” and come within ten lines of making it exactly the same length as its predecessor bespeaks a virtuosity that confirms that his mastery over his material was unimpaired.
While Rex was writing “Counterfeit for Murder,” his grandsons, Chris and Reed Maroc, aged three and five, were living at High Meadow. When their mother, Rex’s daughter Barbara, told them not to bother their grandfather because he was “busy with a counterfeiting plot,” they took this literally and invaded Rex’s study to confront him with drawn, toy pistols. “They had a point,” Rex conceded. “It could be argued that all fiction writing is counterfeiting.” When “The Counterfeiter’s Knife” was published in The Saturday Evening Post, the boys, clad in, respectively, Superman outfit and western gear, restaged their stickup for a photograph to accompany the story. This, Rex explained, did not make them liable to charges of false arrest. “A reconstruction,” he said, “is no good as evidence.” As encountered in this volume, Rex’s own reconstructions, however, are excellent evidence of the fecundity of his genius.
John J. McAleer
Mount Independence
March 25, 1985
Contents
Introduction
Bitter End
Frame-Up for Murder
Assault on a Brownstone
Bitter End
In the old brownstone house which was the dwelling, and also contained the office, of Nero Wolfe on West 35th Street near the Hudson River, in New York, heavy gloom had penetrated into every corner of every room, so that there was no escaping from it.
Fritz Brenner was in bed with the grippe.
If it had been Theodore Horstmann, who nursed the 3,000 orchids on the top floor, it would have been merely an inconvenience. If it had been me, Archie Goodwin, secretary, bodyguard, goad, and goat, Wolfe would have been no worse than peevish. But Fritz was the cook; and such a cook that Marko Vukcic of Rusterman’s famous restaurant, had once offered a fantastic sum for his release to the major leagues, and met with scornful refusal from Wolfe and Fritz both. On that Tuesday in November the kitchen had not seen him for three days, and the resulting situation was not funny. I’ll skip the awful details — for instance, the desperate and disastrous struggle that took place Sunday afternoon between Wolfe and a couple of ducklings — and go on with the climax.
It was lunchtime Tuesday. Wolfe and I were at the dining table. I was doing all right with a can of beans I had got at the delicatessen. Wolfe, his broad face dour and dismal, took a spoonful of stuff from a little glass jar that had just been opened, dabbed it onto the end of a roll, bit it off, and chewed. All of a sudden, with nothing to warn me, there was an explosion like the bursting of a ten-inch shell. Instinctively I dropped my sandwich and put up my hands to protect my face, but too late. Little gobs of the stuff, and particles of masticated roll, peppered me like shrapnel.
I glared at him. “Well,” I said witheringly. I removed something from my eyelid with the corner of my napkin. “If you think for one moment you can get away—”
I left it hanging. With as black a fury on his face as any I had ever seen there, he was on his feet and heading for the kitchen. I stayed in my chair. After I had done what I could with the napkin, hearing meanwhile the garglings and splashings of Wolfe at the kitchen sink, I reached for the jar, took a look at the contents, and sniffed it. I inspected the label. It was small and to the point:
TINGLEY’S TIDBITS — Since 1881 — The Best Liver Pâté No. 3
I was sniffing at it again when Wolfe marched in with a tray containing three bottles of beer, a chunk of cheese, and a roll of salami. He sat down without a word and started slicing salami.
“The last man who spat at me,” I said casually, “got three bullets in his heart before he hit the floor.”
“Pfui,” Wolfe said coldly.
“And at least,” I continued, “he really meant it. Whereas you were merely being childish and trying to show what a supersensitive gourmet you are—”
“Shut up. Did you taste it?”
“No.”
“Do so. It’s full of poison.”
I regarded him suspiciously. It was ten to one he was stringing me, but, after all, there were a good many people who would have regarded the death of Nero Wolfe as a ray of sunshine in a dark world, and a few of them had made efforts to bring it about. I picked up the jar and a spoon, procured a morsel about the size of a pea, and put it in my mouth. A moment later I discreetly but hastily ejected it into my napkin, went to the kitchen and did some rinsing, returned to the dining-room and took a good large bite from a dill pickle. After the pickle’s pungency had to some extent quieted the turmoil in my taste buds, I reached for the jar and smelled it again.
“That’s funny,” I said.
Wolfe made a growling noise.
“I mean,” I continued hastily, “that I don’t understand it. How could it be some fiend trying to poison you? I bought it at Bruegel’s and brought it home myself, and I opened it, and I’d swear the lid hadn’t been tampered with. But I don’t blame you for spitting, even though I happened to be in the line of fire. If that’s Tingley’s idea of a rare, exotic flavor to tempt the jaded appetite—”