“I got you some stuff,” he said gruffly and set the food and drinks down at his feet before walking over to stand directly in front of me.
I watched as he opened the first bag and began pulling out deodorant, a toothbrush and toothpaste, a hairbrush and ponytail holders, girly shampoo, conditioner, a razor, and soap—since whatever I’d been using was definitely meant for men. The next bag opened and he pulled out large packs of men’s undershirts and boxer-briefs. I raised an eyebrow at first when he sat them down next to me, but I didn’t say anything.
“There’s no way in hell I was going to be able to pick out a bra for you, and women have too many different kinds of underwear. This was easiest, but they might be too big on you.”
I couldn’t even complain. My throat was closing up, my eyes were burning, and it was taking everything in me not to reach out and run my hands over it all. I hadn’t brushed my teeth since the night before I was taken, and I hadn’t put deodorant on or brushed my hair since the same time. Even though I was able to take showers every day, I had to put my old underwear, sleep shirt, and little shorts on once I was done; and it felt like I was never getting clean. If I could have clean clothes, even men’s clothes, I didn’t care.
The last bag opened, and a shaky smile crossed my face for the first time since I’d had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting Taylor, as he pulled out different colored nail polishes.
“I don’t know if you like these colors, but I watched you pick off what you had on your nails. So . . . here.”
A package of pens followed, and the smile fell as confusion set in; but then he brought out a journal, and my stomach dropped.
“I had to watch you for a long time, I don’t know what you wrote about, but I know you used to write every day. Anyway, that’s it,” he said and took a step away from the mattress.
I picked up the journal and ran my hand over the front of it as tears fell down my cheeks. I knew sometime later I would be creeped out and put Taylor in the same zone Blake had been in, since Blake had people following me, and somehow had gotten cameras into our apartment. But right now, all I could think about was that I was going to be able to write to my parents again. It’d been over four and a half years since my parents died, and for four years I’d been writing in journals to them every day. Not being able to talk to them had been about as hard as not being with Kash.
My mouth opened, but it took four tries before any noise came out, since I’d gone so long without using my voice. “Why?”
Taylor froze and straightened from where he’d been bending down to grab the food—his eyes were massive when I looked up at him. “Why did I buy you all that?”
Shaking my head, I wiped away tears with my free hand and cleared my throat in preparation of speaking again. “Why did you take me?”
“You will never understand how sorry I am,” he stated.
“If you’re sorry, then why?”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
I could see the torment in his dark eyes, and I didn’t understand it. My voice was still rough and low as I forced out, “But why am I here? What was the reason for taking me?”
He ran his hands through his hair and seemed to scramble for the right words to say. After a few moments of floundering, he exhaled roughly and shrugged. “I can’t tell you. Just know that I didn’t want to be a part of this and I’m sorry.”
The depth of his apology had my mind traveling down a path I hadn’t once considered since being taken, and I gasped loudly before I could cover my mouth. “Is he okay? Kash, is he okay? You didn’t hurt him, did you?”
“We aren’t touching him. He’s . . . safe.” The confusion on my face must have prompted him to continue. “I doubt he’s fine because you’re gone, but as long as you’re here, he’s safe. We aren’t going to physically do anything to him.”
“And—and me?”
He’d started to bend down to the food again, but his dark eyes flashed back to mine at my question. “I’ll never hurt you.”
I hadn’t spoken in well over a week, but now that I was talking to Taylor, it was like I couldn’t stop. Even though my throat screamed in protest from lack of use, I straightened out my legs and sat the journal down next to me as I leaned forward on the mattress. “If you don’t want to be a part of this, why are you? Why would you do something like this?”
Taylor continued to grab the food and one of the drinks before walking over to me.
“Do you need money? Do I know you? Do you know Kash? Are you involved in drugs, or a gang, or something?”
“I’m not going to tell you anything, so stop asking questions.”
I wanted answers. But when he sat down in front of the door and popped a straw in his own drink, I knew he was done answering; but I was thankful for the little he had told me. Minutes passed before he prompted me to eat, and I finally looked through the bags full of enough food to feed Kash and Mase. I’d spent enough time crying over being taken from them, but something about staring at all that food had tears welling up again; and I suddenly had the ridiculous cravings for pancakes, my fiancé, and that big bear of a guy.
“I can’t eat all this,” I whispered, and looked helplessly up at Taylor.
“Whatever you don’t eat is mine, I haven’t eaten yet.”
Taking two burritos out of one of the bags, I set the bags down in front of the mattress and curled back up against the wall with my soda and food.
Taylor watched me eat in silence, and it wasn’t until I was done and minutes had passed without me grabbing for the bags, that he leaned forward and snatched them up and inhaled the rest of the food. We didn’t speak again for hours, but I wasted my time painting my nails and toenails, and writing in my journal.
Only this time I wasn’t just writing to my parents, I was writing to Kash too. He wasn’t gone, but I was. And despite the honesty in Taylor’s words about not hurting me, that didn’t mean one of the others wouldn’t. So the question was the same as it had been in those first unnumbered days, I didn’t know when I would see him again . . . or if I would.
Sometime after I’d stopped writing, he stood and grabbed all the trash from lunch earlier, and headed to the door to get what had to be dinner.
“Don’t go to sleep.”
I spoke quickly when he grabbed the handle of the door, and like he did earlier, his eyes looked shocked when he turned to look at me. “Why do you only leave me alone when I’m awake? Shouldn’t you leave when I’m asleep? It just doesn’t make sense that you’re here all the time, and when you do leave, you tell me not to go to sleep. Aren’t you worried I’m going to try to escape again?”
Those dark eyes of his filled with something that had fear sliding through my body, and there was no need for him to say the words out loud. The warning of what would happen if I did escape was clear. “I don’t leave this room when you’re sleeping because you’re vulnerable. If I leave you when you’re awake, then you can scream if something happens, and I’ll hear you.”
“If something happens?” I swallowed hard and blinked rapidly as I tried to understand this new look on Taylor. “Like what?”
He chewed on his bottom lip for a second before answering. “Let’s just say, if someone other than me walks through that door, scream immediately. Don’t wait for something to happen. It’s not a matter of if something will happen to you, it’s just a matter of how long they’ll wait until they start trying to get in here.” At my audible inhale, he nodded once and repeated, “Don’t go to sleep.”