According to his wife, it was on the afternoon on the third day of his discharge from the hospital that he arrived at her office to personally hand in the notebook. As a security guard, it was her duty to inspect all notebooks as they were turned in, to determine whether or not any pages were missing or there were any pages left over: that was her responsibility. So, after Rong Jinzhen handed her the notebook, she performed her duty and inspected it. He remarked, ‘The notebook contains no work-related secrets, just my own personal ones. If you’re curious about me, you might as well look through it. I hope you do; I also hope to receive your reply.’
Di Li told me that the sun had already gone down by the time she finished reading the notebook and she had to walk back to her dormitory room in the dark. It seemed as though some evil spirit had entered Rong Jinzhen’s room. In fact, Di Li lived in building thirtyeight, whereas Rong Jinzhen lived in the specialists’ building: they were in different directions. Both buildings are still there, the former is made of red brick and has three stories; the latter is two stories tall and constructed from a bluish-green brick. I once stood in front of this bluish-green building; now I’m looking at its photo, and in my mind I can hear her voice: ‘When I arrived at my building, he was there looking at me. He didn’t speak and even though he was sitting, he didn’t ask me to join him. I stood there in front of him and told him I had finished reading his notebook. He asked me to speak, he would listen. I asked him to let me be his wife. He replied: “Yes.” Three days later we were married.’
How incredibly easy, like a story out of the legends — practically unbelievable!
To tell you the truth, when she said this to me she revealed no emotions, neither sadness nor happiness, neither surprise nor wonder; it seemed that even the emotional attachment people have to memories was absent, just as if she were relating the events of a dream for the umpteenth time. It made it very difficult for me to figure out how she felt at that time and how she felt when she told me this story. Perhaps presumptuously, I asked her frankly whether or not she loved Rong Jinzhen. This was her response: ‘I love him as I love my country.’
Afterwards I asked her again: ‘I heard that soon after you were married your adversary began using BLACK, is that right?’
‘Yes.’
‘And after that he rarely returned home?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do you think he regretted marrying you?’
‘Yes.’
‘And how about you, do you regret marrying him?’
I noticed then that this question took her by surprise; she opened her eyes wide, stared at me and replied excitedly: ‘Regret? When you love your country, how can you regret it? No! Forever the answer will be no —!’
Her eyes immediately filled with tears and she began to sniffle as if she was about to cry.
Begun July 1991 in Beijing, Haidian, Weigongcun Completed August 2002 in Chengdu, Qingyang, Luojianian