‘Storms always blow up unexpectedly,’ she said.
She was keeping her face in the shadow, away from the fire.
‘I was out rowing and didn’t manage to get back to the ship. I took shelter here in the inlet.’
‘They’ll think you’ve been drowned.’
‘I had a smoke grenade with me that I fired. So they’ll know I’m here, on Halsskär.’ He wondered if she knew what a smoke grenade was, but she did not ask him to explain.
She was wearing the grey skirt. Her hair was loosely tied at the back of her head, thick locks tumbled over her cheeks. When she handed him a cup, he wanted to take hold of her.
The coffee was bitter, full of grounds. She was still keeping in the shadows.
‘You can stay here, of course,’ she said from the darkness. ‘I wouldn’t turn anybody away in weather like this. But don’t expect anything.’
She sat on the bunk along the wall. It seemed to him that she was concealing herself in the darkness, like an animal.
‘I read in an old tax register that people used to live on this island,’ he said. ‘One, possibly two families settled here. But in the end it became too hard for them, and the skerry was uninhabited from then on.’
She did not reply. The wind was crashing into the walls. The cottage was draughty, although he could see that she had tried to fill the gaps in the walls.
‘I can remember word for word what it said in that tax register,’ he said. ‘Maybe it wasn’t a tax register, but rather an official letter from an enforcement officer. I think his name might have been Fahlstedt.’ He recited from memory: ‘“They live on a barren skerry at the mercy of the sea, they are blessed with neither fields, meadows nor forest, but compelled to derive from the open sea, many a time in peril for their lives, all things they eat and require for apparel, or otherwise are in need of.”’
‘It sounds like a prayer,’ she said. ‘Like a priest.’
She was still in the dark, but her voice had come closer. Her voice had that special timbre that comes from being at sea and shouting from boat to boat, shouting in gales and headwinds. Her dialect was less pronounced than he had heard in others from these parts. There were sailors on board the Blenda who came from this section of the archipelago, one from Gräsmarö, and another was the son of a pilot from Häradskär. There was also a stoker from Kättilö and he spoke exactly as she did, like the voice from the dark.
Suddenly she emerged from the darkness. She was still sitting on the bunk, but she leaned forward and looked him in the eye. He was not used to that, his wife never did that. He looked away.
‘Lars Tobiasson-Svartman,’ she said. ‘You are a naval officer and wear a uniform. You row around in stormy weather. You have a ring. You are married.’
‘My wife is dead.’
It sounded perfectly natural, not the least bit strained. He had not planned to say that, but on the other hand, he was not surprised at it. An imagined sorrowful event became reality. Kristina Tacker had no place in this cottage. She belonged to another life that he was keeping at a distance, as if looking at it through the wrong end of a telescope.
‘My wife Kristina is dead,’ he said again, and thought that it still sounded as if he were telling the truth. ‘She died two years ago. It was an accident. She fell.’
How had she fallen? And where? How could he bring about the most meaningless of deaths? He decided to throw her over a cliff. The woman sitting here in the darkness would understand that. But he couldn’t let her die alone. Inspiration was flooding into him with irrestible force.
She would have a child with her, a daughter. What should he call her? She must have a name that was worthy of her. He would call her Laura. That was the name of Kristina Tacker’s sister, who had died young, coughing her lungs away with tuberculosis, Laura Amalia Tacker. The dead gave the living their names.
‘We were travelling in Skåne. At Hovs Hallar, with our daughter Laura. She was six years old, an angel of a girl. My wife stumbled on the edge of the cliff, and happened to bump into our daughter, and they went hurtling down. I couldn’t reach them in time. I shall never forget their screams. My wife broke her neck in the fall, and a sharp piece of rock dug deep into my daughter’s head. She was still alive when they raised her up the cliff. She looked at me, as if accusing me, then died.’
‘How can you bear such sorrow?’
‘You bear it because you have to.’
She put some cut branches into the fire. The flames seemed to gather strength from the green wood.
He noticed that he was enticing her closer. It was as if he were directing all her movements. He could see her face now. Her eyes were less watchful.
It had been very easy to kill his wife and his daughter.
The storm was roaring into the cottage walls. There was a long way to go before it reached its culmination.
Part IV
Autumn, Winter, Loneliness
Chapter 58
Their conversations were spasmodic.
He was close to her all the time in the cramped room, but it felt to him as if the distance between them grew.
Late in the afternoon she stood up and left the cottage. He made no move, but glanced surreptitiously at the window. He expected her to be standing there, watching him.
The window was empty.
He did not understand it. She was not behaving as she ought to have done. All the time when he was growing up he had kept his parents under constant observation. He would peer furtively through half-closed doors or use mirrors to see unnoticed into rooms where his parents were, together or alone or with others. In his imagination he bored invisible holes in the upstairs floor of the house they lived in at Skeppsbron, so that he could see down into his father’s office.
He had learned not to reveal his presence when he listened to their angry exchanges, watched them drinking themselves silly or, as was often the case with his mother, sitting alone, sobbing.
His mother always wept silently. Her tears seemed to tiptoe out of her eyes.
These memories shot through his mind, one after the other. He walked to the window, which was coated in a thin layer of salt spray.
He caught a glimpse of her walking along the path to the inlet. He assumed that she wanted to make sure her boat was securely moored.
He looked around the room. She had just put more wood on the fire. It smelled of juniper. The light from the flames danced round the walls. In one of them was a low door, closed. He tried the handle. It was not locked and led into a windowless closet. In one corner were a few wooden barrels; sheep shears and broken carding combs were scattered on the floor as well as some folded sacks for flour. On one of the walls hung a herring net, half finished. He made a mental inventory of the room and its contents, as if it were important to remember every detail.
Sara Fredrika still had not returned. In the big room was a corner cupboard, rickety, with rusty hinges. Did he dare to open it? Would the door fall off if he did? He pressed his hand against the cupboard frame and turned the key.
On the only shelf were two objects: a hymn book and a pipe. The pipe was similar to the one Lieutenant Jakobsson usually had in his mouth. He picked it up and sniffed at it. It seemed not to have been used for a long time. The remains of the burned tobacco were rock hard. It still smelled of old tar. He put the pipe down, eyed the hymn book without touching it, then closed the door.
He squatted down and felt under the bed. There was something there. He could feel that it was an old-fashioned shotgun, but he did not take it out. He pressed his face against the pillow, trying to find traces of her smell. All he could feel was that the pillow was damp.