Fuck. How could I fuck this up so bad?
Six BELL
“You jerked him off?” Lissy gasps and I know I shouldn’t have done this over the phone. I should have told her last night on our way home from the Knights Rebels’ clubhouse, but I was feeling sorry for myself. I just wanted to get home and shower. I refused to talk about what happened with any of the girls, and when I woke this morning, at Lissy’s house, I snuck home before they could drill me again.
“Ugh, yes.”
“Oh, my God, is he huge? Was it good? What else happened?” She keeps the questions coming, but I don’t answer. I’m too busy playing the night over and over in my head. I knew when Jesse walked up to the blonde I was losing my chance to talk to him. It was like watching him slip through my fingers. I thought my chance was gone, then Lissy managed to get the blonde away, and Jesse crashed into me. I wasn’t expecting him to come on to me. I knew he was drunk. I watched him throw back way too many drinks, but it didn’t stop me from letting him take me to his room. Didn’t stop me from turning back to watch him touch himself. And I definitely didn’t stop myself from touching him. It was as if my body was on autopilot and I had no control.
“Hello, Earth to Bell. What else happened then?” Lissy asks again, breaking my train of thought.
“Nothing.” I keep my answer vague, hoping Lissy will find it boring enough to keep to herself, because the last thing I need is for the others to find out what happened. “You’re no fun, so why didn’t you tell him it was you?” She keeps asking the questions I keep rolling around in my head.
“I don’t know. I thought it would be easier.”
“Did you ask him about Paige?”
“No.”
“Why not?” she pushes¸ and I know she has a point pushing me. Someone has to. I just did what I did, and for what?
“Because he was drunk. He passed out and when he woke up, he kicked me out. Can we not talk about it anymore?” I snap. “I don’t want to relive the moment of him kicking me out again. Once was enough.”
“Bell.”
“Listen, I have to go. My shift starts back in ten.” I look at the clock, wishing my break lasted longer than forty-five minutes.
“Dinner at my house tomorrow. Don’t be late. The Hundred is on,” she responds, letting it go and I’m thankful. I need more time to get my head around what happened last night.
“Yep, how could I forget,” I tease. I know how much she loves our dinner and TV show nights.
“Love you, Bell.”
“Yeah, me too,” I reply and hang up. Standing from my table, I put my trash in the bin and head back for the rest of my shift.
“Hey, Bell, there’s a guy out in reception looking for you,” Tracy, a fellow nurse says, walking past me.
“Okay, thanks.” I nod and make my way to the reception desk. I’ve been working at Rushford Hospital for the last two years. I love it here. The smaller town hospital means I get a little more hands on than what other nurses get at the hospitals in the city. We work on a rotating roster and so far, emergency is by far my favorite.
“What is this hospital run by beautiful women?” I hear a familiar voice ask before I even take the corner.
Jesse.
I roll my eyes but don’t stop walking. There’s no point in hiding. They have already told him I’m on tonight. And if I can guess, I know why he’s here.
“Can I help you, Mr. Carter?” I ask before Marla, the young blonde and extremely beautiful nurse, can reply.
“Nurse Bell,” Jesse turns his head my way and his smile slides off his face, “or should I say Grace?” His eyes narrow and my suspicions are correct. He knows. I square my shoulders ready for his anger.
“What are you doing here?” I ignore the twinge of guilt from lying to him.
“We need to talk.” He steps forward and his eyes find my bruised cheek. “Fuck, Bell.” His hand moves to my face.
“Don’t,” I punch out, not ready for his touch. His hand halts mid air; hurt flutters over his face before he quickly hides it. “Not here.” I pull back and motion to a spare exam room. He nods and follows close behind me in silence.
“What do you want, Jesse?” I ask when I close the door behind us. Jesse moves in, backing me against the door. He towers over me, and I have to tilt my head up to keep him in my sight.
“What sort of game are you playing?” he asks, his eyes piercing mine. Long gone is the fun, cheeky man I’m used to with his lame jokes.
“I’m not playing anything.” I swallow my unease, overwhelmed by his presence.
“Grace? What the fuck is that shit?” He waits for my answer but I don’t have one. Shit, he’s right. I was playing a game, a dangerous one.
“It’s my middle name,” I reply, hoping it excuses some of my bullshit, but I know it won’t. I messed up badly.
“Fucking hell, Bell. I fucked you and I didn’t know it was you. Do you know how fucked up this is?”
“Well, first of all, you didn’t fuck me.” I use his crass words back at him and cross my arms in front of me. “And second, it’s not my fault you didn’t recognize me.”
“We didn’t fuck?”
“NO!” I shout, louder than needed. As if my humiliation isn’t enough, I have to convince the man we didn’t have sex.
“Oh, thank God.” He steps back and takes a large breath.
“Geez, don’t sound so relieved,” I quip, the sting of his insult a whiplash, making me recoil.
“Not like that.” He smiles, stepping in closer, his eyes catching my bruised cheek again.
“I did this.” His fingers move to my chin, forcing my face to hit the light.
“No, it was an accident.” I pull out of his hold before I start to like it.
“Bullshit, I know I did it. I remember things.” He shakes his head as if parts of the night are still coming back to him.
“Forget it. It’s no big deal.” I brush the night off, hating how awkward this feels between us.
Jesse’s eyes narrow at my blatant dismissal of the night. “No, I wish I remembered everything, because I know we did something, and it’s a crime to forget whatever we did.” He rests his head to mine and for a moment, we share an intimacy deeper than what happened last night. I don’t respond; instead, I let myself have the moment. What ever is going on between Jesse and me is only a fleeting moment. I won’t let myself get too deep.
“You willing to re-enact it for me, wearing this cute nurse’s outfit?” He breaks the moment. Warmth heats my face, and knowing he can see it, pushes me deeper into a red blush.
“Please, the lines need to stop,” I tell him, secretly liking them more and more. “I have to go back to work.” I try to move, but his body stops me from pushing off the wall.
“Why did you come to the club last night? Dressed like you were?” It’s a chance to tell him all about my plan, about Paige and how he might be able to help, but standing here now, I second-guess everything.
“No reason.” Another lie.
“Don’t lie to me. I want the truth, Bell.”
“It’s stupid. It’s over so forget about it.” I wish it were true, but there is no way I can tell Jesse.
“No, it’s not over. You’re not leaving this room until you tell me.” We hold each other’s stare for what feels like minutes, but in reality, it’s only been seconds before I cave. What’s wrong with me? I’m weak.
“Fine,” I huff. “I wanted to see if I could hire you. I didn’t plan on tricking you. The girls dressed me up, and when you didn’t recognize me, I felt braver talking to you,” I rush out and cringe as confusion etches every inch of his beautiful face.