“Take a breather, Jesse,” Beau orders, and I nod listening to my VP. “I’ll keep you posted. Got a meet with Tiny this week.”
“Thanks,” I say and move from the bar toward the exit. I have a meet with my brother anyway. I don’t need Sy’s shit. “Later,” I call, not waiting for a reply.
“He’s so doing this for pussy,” I hear Sy say as I turn the corner. I don’t stop to defend myself. He can think what he wants. I might have twisted whatever I needed to twist in order to get Bell to go on a date with me, but had she turned me down, I still would be putting my feelers out. Deep down, when I really think about it, I fucking know that. I also know a date is the last thing this woman needs, but fuck, I can’t help but take what I need. If it were any other woman, I’d agree with Sy. Hell, I know I wouldn’t need to ask for a date or waste the time to take her out and feed her. I’d just bring her back here and fuck her senseless. But with a woman like Bell, I know I need to dig deeper.
So why am I doing it?
Who fucking knows. I’m an asshole. That’s all there is to it.
“You been well?” my older brother Jackson asks an hour later as the waitress places the food down in front of us.
“Yeah, same shit different day.” I shrug, taking a bite of my burger. He nods, taking in my reply before picking up his own burger. The tension between us grows as we eat in silence, neither of us really sure how to talk to each other. I can’t even remember the last time I haven’t felt tension between us. It’s like it’s always been there, and nothing we do, or say takes it away.
“You?” I ask, taking a sip of my drink and wait for his standard reply.
“Busy. Work is crazy.” I nod, holding back an eye roll. Same shit every time. “You speak to Mom lately?” he adds, and I’m not surprised.
“Not for a couple weeks. Why?”
“You know she worries.” He stops eating and levels his stare on me.
“Jackson,” I warn, hating when it always comes back to this. Always back to this shit with my family.
“You need to pull your head out of your ass, Jesse.”
“That’s rich coming from you. Must be fucking lonely up on that high horse of yours.” I drop my burger and sit back. When it comes to our family issues, it always comes back on me. I’m the black sheep of the family, and as much as I love them, fuck, they piss me off.
“Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?” he spits, but I don’t want to hear it today.
“Don’t fucking start, Jackson. It’s not the reason I called to meet up.” I keep my fist clenched under the table. If he keeps up with his fucking attitude, it will connect with his fucking face.
“She worries.” He pushes like I knew he would. It always comes back down to what Mom would think.
“Did she ever worry when he was beating my ass? Putting me down?”
“Don’t start this shit again, Jesse.” He shakes his head. But he doesn’t get it. He didn’t have it like I did. “It’s just the way he is. You know this. He lives by structure. You have to understand, Jesse, all the shit Dad did was years ago. He’s a changed man.”
“I’m a former Marine. I fucking know structure, asshole.” I hate it when he puts it back on what Dad went through. Explaining away his abuse because he saw some fucked-up shit.
“Jesse, the shit he’s seen, dealt with, you know it hasn’t been easy.”
“You don’t think I’ve got shit to deal with? What I lived through hasn’t affected me? I fucking did seven years for him. I fucking lost everything to make him happy. You see the asshole happy? No, ‘cause I’m still a fuck-up to him. Jackson, there’s more than you fucking know, so don’t defend the asshole to me. There’s only so many times he can blame his career for being a shit father.”
“He’s better. He’s doing better.” He tries a different angle, but I’m not buying into it. The man means nothing to me. I’m done trying to win his attention.
“Better? Well, good for fucking him. It doesn’t make the years he fucked up better. Jackson, I’m not talking about this.” I shake my head, trying to forget all thoughts of my father. “I need your help.”
“What’s new?” He sighs, going back to his food.
“Fuck off. We help you a lot.” I put it back on him. He scoffs but he knows it. The Rebels have helped Jackson on a few cases, and vice versa. We might have questionable ways of doing things in the club, but Jackson can’t deny it’s a two-way street with us.
“What do you need?” He drops the guilt trip and I’m thankful. I can’t talk to him about Dad.
“Paige Johnson,” I say and watch him stop eating and sit a little straighter. “You know who I’m talking about?”
“Everyone knows Paige Johnson. Been an open case for six years. Worked on it for a few years before I moved out of town. The whole thing never sat well with me.”
“So you don’t think she ran?” I ask, wondering why Bell thinks the police say Paige ran.
“I don’t think she ran. A few others have their opinion, but we’ve always hit a dead end. Why are you asking about her?”
“Her sister.” I go back to my burger, my appetite coming back.
“Bell?”
“You know Bell?” I tense, waiting for his answer.
“Yeah, she’s been very active in trying to find Paige.” I nod, picturing Bell doing everything she could to help find her sister.
“Why are you asking about Bell?” He watches me carefully. The air around us changes and the vibe I’m getting off him isn’t good.
“She’s asked for help,” I shrug, knowing he won’t accept my blasé answer.
“No, Jesse, leave this alone. You’re in way over your head here.” He shakes his head, but I’m not going to listen to him.
“Can’t leave it alone, Jackson. Bell asked us to step in. We’re gonna try to do what we can.” He shakes his head again and I’m starting to see a pattern.
“What’s your relationship with Bell?” He changes tactic, but I pick up on it.
“She’s a friend.” I shrug, not prepared to label what Bell and I have. What do we have? I have broken visions of her jerking me off, me being an ass to her, and then blackmailing her into a date. Does that qualify as friends?
“Jesus, Jesse. She’s a good girl. Comes from a good family. She doesn’t need you messing her up by getting her involved with the Rebels.”
“Because we’re scum?” My back straightens, ready to defend my club. He’s right. Bell is a good girl, but she doesn’t have to be worried when it comes to the Rebels. It’s rather me she has to be worried about.
“No, because she’s innocent. Plus, her whole family is messed up.”
“Jackson, I appreciate your concern, but you know me, I’m not interested in innocent,” I lie, knowing innocent has recently become my preferred taste.
“Good.” He nods, buying into my lie. “She really doesn’t need your shit.” He gives a final jab, but I don’t let his judgment of me rub me wrong. I’m used to it. I love my brother, but like my father, he’s set in his own ways. The way we were raised is how he lives his life. I do not.
“So what do you know?” I asked, hoping he will shed some light.
“I’ll have to check the file, but from what I can remember, we don’t have much.” He sighs. “Paige was sixteen when she didn’t make it home that night after work. Her father was meant to pick her up, but she texted saying she had a lift with her boyfriend. When police interviewed her boyfriend, no plans were made. She finished work, left through the staff entrance, and she was gone.”
“Bell believes she’s still alive,” I say, more inclined to believe her. I get the family will always hold hope, but the conviction in the way she believes it, is enough to pull me into her way of thinking.
“Her body hasn’t been found. Yet.”
“You think she’s dead?”
“No, I don’t know what I think. Last bit of evidence led to no leads. It’s a dead end.”