“Well, we’re putting some feelers out.”
“You’re not gonna do anything,” Jackson orders, but I don’t answer to him.
“I’m gonna try,” I counter knowing he will cave. As much as we piss each other off, we have each other’s back.
“I know you will.” He sighs before taking a sip from his drink.
“Your help would be appreciated.”
“You want my help, you come to games night this month.” He has me by the balls. Fucking games night.
“You remember what happened last games night?” I ask, thinking back to the last one I attended and the fight my father and I got into over playing a game.
“You two both need to get your shit together. And you need to not push him.”
“I don’t do any fuckin’ thing. He’s the one—”
“Mom wants you there,” he cuts me off, and of course he plays the mom card. “You want my help, you come.” Fuck. I’ve managed to keep my distance from that house over the years. Only needing to see my father at the bare minimum. Am I willing to cave and endure seeing him for Bell?
“Fine,” I nod, agreeing against my better judgment. If it means he’ll help us, I’ll do it one time. One time for Bell. I’m already fucking bending rules for the nurse. I can see myself getting in too deep. Getting messed up in the shit that comes with a woman like Bell. But does it stop me? Fuck no. After everything I’ve been through, I still don’t know when to fucking step back.
“Good.” His smile bleeds victory, but I don’t know why he’s so happy. Knowing my family, he won’t be smiling next week.
Eight BELL
“You look beautiful, Bell.” My dad’s deep voice stops me as I step into our kitchen.
“Thanks, Dad.” I walk to where he sits at the bench and kiss his tanned cheek. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me tightly in one of his six-foot bear hugs. He smells of metal and oil from his day at work down on the docks. His company builds boats and services them. He doesn’t normally get dirty, but since we just survived yet another anniversary of Paige being missing, he spends more and more time away.
“You stink. Let me go.” I pull back but he doesn’t release me just yet.
“Just a bit longer,” he says, before finally letting me go. I flick his ear and move away from him before he pulls me back.
“I’ll get you for that, squirt.” A slow smile spreads across his face, one that doesn’t reach his blue eyes. It never reaches anymore. Long gone is the man who would embarrass me with bad jokes and laugh until he would cry at our displeasure. The man who would drive us to sleep overs and scare boys away with his over protectiveness. I’m so used to seeing this older, sadder man who sits before me, I wouldn’t recognize that man any more.
“Where are you going tonight, Bell?” Mom asks, breaking up the small amount of lightness my dad lets himself have.
“Just to the movies with Lissy.” I let my lie roll off my tongue with ease. I’m not going to the movies with Lissy, but a date with a biker. Jesse. It’s wrong to lie to my mother, and I know I shouldn’t do it, but there is no way on God’s green earth she would be okay with me going on a date. Even if I’m twenty-three years old. I know how ridiculous it sounds. Believe me, if I weren’t me, I would think it was crazy, but after everything we have been through, I’ve never wanted to disappoint her, or stress her out with the thought of me dating.
“What movie are you seeing?” My younger sister asks as she slides up to the counter, catching my lie. I should have known she would be watching me. Ava was only twelve years old when Paige went missing. Her attitude toward Mom’s straight rules and Dad’s inability to rein her in has never gone down well. Her emo, grunge look she’s currently sporting is a testament to her rebellious attitude.
“I’m not sure yet. Probably some chick flick.” I flash her my you-can’t-catch-me grin.
“Well, just make sure you’re back before midnight.” Mom looks up from the pot she’s stirring. She’s beautiful, even for fifty. In the last six years, she has aged a lot, but her beauty remains. Paige looked the most like her, her light brown hair and dark eyes striking enough to make you look twice. Even now, if I sit long enough, I can see Paige, catch a glimpse of her in my mother’s features. I wonder what it’s like for my mom to look in the mirror, or for Dad, who constantly looks at her, to see the daughter they lost, looking back at them.
“I’m not sure I’m going to make it home before then, Mom.” I keep my voice level, even though I’m freaking out on the inside. I don’t know why I just did that, but with all the lies I’ve been telling, I can’t keep up. I need to be honest.
“What do you mean you’re not sure?” I can hear the tremor in her voice, see the distress in her face, but I can’t let it deter me. I need to stay strong. Pushing it tonight, of all nights isn’t wise, especially with my date with Jesse on the line. I know she’s only going to worry, but I can’t stop hearing Lissy’s words in my head. I need to step up, step away from a past that is holding me back.
“I’m going to message you,” I say, picking up my keys ready to drop this on her and then escape.
“Isabella,” she calls me by my given name and I cringe. She only calls me Isabella when I go against her wishes.
“Mom—”
“No, Isabella. You know I will worry.” Her hands find the counter, bracing for support.
“Karen,” Dad speaks up, but I can see my mom’s panic starting to deepen.
“Don’t Karen me.” She looks up at my father, silently demanding he step in. I can hear it now.
Chris, don’t you dare make me out to be the bad guy. Say something.
I know I’m hurting her; even the thought of me not agreeing to a curfew has her panicked, but what she doesn’t understand is she’s hurting me. Keeping me prisoner in her fear, caged in her insecurities is only pushing me away. Everything she is trying to do, to keep me here, is only making me want to pull away.
“I’m going to be safe.” I tell her like every other time I leave the house.
“You know I worry, Bell.” She steps forward and takes me in her arms.
“I know, Mom, but I’m not sixteen. I’m not Paige.” I flinch when I say it but she needs to hear it. She needs to hear it from me.
“That’s not fair, Isabella.” She recoils like I’ve slapped her, and it’s almost like I have.
“I know, Mom. But do you think this is fair for me? For Ava?” I step out of her arms and prepare for an argument that is sure to follow. I wasn’t prepared for it, but now I’ve started, I want to get it all out. I want her to know it’s not okay to make me feel this way.
“I’m trying to protect you,” she whispers and the sorrow behind her words is tough to hear.
“From what? From life? ’Cause it’s what you’re stopping us from doing. You’re stopping us from living our lives.” Her intake of breath tells me I’ve delivered my blow, but a part of me wants to push even further. At what point is it too much? Am I meant to sit back and be okay when every year goes by and I lose a bigger part of myself? She’s not happy she lost one child; she’s forcing us to lose ourselves?
“Bell, you should go. You don’t want to be late.” Dad steps in before Mom can react. I nod and carefully retreat.
“I’m sorry,” I say, but the damage has been done. Dad gives me a wink and nods to the door, while still holding my mom. I turn and catch my sister’s eyes. She drops her brows like she doesn’t get me. I’ve never stood up to my parents, always going with the flow. Seeing me stand up would be strange for her.
“I’ll message you when I’m on my way home,” I tell the room, but no one responds. “I love you,” I whisper, picking up my coat.