“You don’t look like you, so what? It will make it easier to relax,” Lissy explains. I let my eyes travel over my face at the artwork she has managed. My dark hair is pulled up in a bun on top of my head, waiting for Manda to work her magic, but my face, my face is flawless—smoky eyes, long lashes. I’m looking at myself but seeing a different woman.
“How do I not look like me?” I ask again, listening to them all laugh.
“Have you ever had your makeup done?” Manda asks, and I shake my head. There has never been a time when I’ve needed to. Not once.
“Tell me why we have to go to this extreme again?” I ask, watching Manda set up her curling iron, ready to start on my hair.
“Have you seen the women these men get? We need to fit in, okay?” Lissy pulls out a short black skirt while searching for something to pair it with.
“I am not wearing that.” I spy the gold top she chooses.
“You will if you want to get the man,” she counters, placing it on the bed.
“I don’t want any man,” I scoff, turning away from the mirror and picking up the small scrap of material she expects me to wear. It’s barely enough to cover the most important parts.
“You should! Especially a man like Jesse.” Manda swoons and I roll my eyes. God, help me.
“Please, just stop,” I plead and fall back on the bed. The nerves are becoming too much, eating at me each minute that ticks by. “I’m not trying to get laid. I’m trying to find my sister,” I remind them what tonight is about. I know this is exciting for them, but for me, this is about Paige. Nothing more.
“We know, but wouldn’t it be cool to get laid as well?” Lissy asks so seriously I have to process it for a second.
“NO!” I sit up and look at her.
“Come on, Bell, you’re twenty-three, for God’s sake.”
“So?” The question squeaks from my lips because I know what she’s about to say.
“A twenty-three year old virgin.”
“Hey, I’ve had sex before.” I counter, hating they still think I’m a virgin.
“Bell,” Lissy sighs, “did the penis make it all the way in?” She asks the same question every time we argue about this subject.
“Halfway,” I admit, watching them laugh. “Where’s Kate gone?” I ask, starting to feel picked on.
“Don’t change the subject,” Manda says but I ignore her.
“Kate,” I call out, needing backup. Out of all the girls, Kate is the one who agrees with me.
“Bell, you do know you’re still a virgin, right? The one penetration when you were sixteen doesn’t count.” Lissy moves to the bed and sits next to me.
I look up, wanting to argue my case, but if I’m being honest, she’s right. “I know,” I sigh, wishing I had let it happen all the way. The stigma of being a twenty-three year old virgin is getting old.
“Not that we are saying anything bad about it, but you should pop your cherry before you get to fifty, and when I say pop, I mean pop it all the way.” Lissy laughs, so I nudge her shoulder. Unprepared for it, she tilts back before falling to the floor.
“Teasing me about my virginity isn’t very nice,” I tell her, then help her up.
“Well, lose it and it won’t be an issue.” She falls on me, pushing me back onto the bed.
“I’ll lose it when I’m ready, and it won’t be with a man like Jesse,” I shift her off me. I know they are playing with me, but a part of me hates that I haven’t experienced it yet. I often wonder if I ever will.
“Girl, if I could have a do over, I’d volunteer to lose mine to Jesse Carter.” Lissy sighs, a lustful look dancing over her face.
“The man is a whore,” I state the obvious but she just shrugs not phased by the truth.
“Means he’s well practiced.” She giggles and I just shake my head.
“Or he has an STD,” Kate walks in, giving her opinion.
“Thank you.” I throw my hands up knowing she would have my back.
“Please, a man like Carter would know about wrapping it up,” Lissy counters, not giving up her fight.
“Are we done?” I stand, not prepared to imagine Jesse wrapping his business. I need to keep my head straight tonight.
“Yes, come here. I need to do your hair,” Manda says, ready for me. I stand and walk back over.
“Regardless if you let him pop your cherry this is going to be so much fun.” Lissy stands to get dressed, while dread weaves its way into my mind. Fun is the last thing on my mind. I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing the right thing. I wish I had all the answers, but I don’t. I just have to remember I’m doing this for Paige. Everything about this is for Paige.
We pull into the Knights Rebels’ compound an hour later. After forcing me to wear the stupid gold top and short black skirt, I decided it would be easier just to go with the flow, and get it over with. Agreeing with Lissy is often the best in these sorts of situations.
“He’s not going to recognize me,” I tell the quiet car, my fingernails digging into my palm.
“Oh, please, he will,” Manda assures me as we park.
“You’re going to be fine.” Kate reaches over and squeezes my hand. I don’t feel fine. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“So what do I say again?” I ask as the girls all pile out. They’ve already gone over play-by-play what I need to say, but it’s not sticking.
“Let’s just find Sarah and she can show us around,” Lissy shakes her head knowing it’s not going to help. I just need to be thrown in. Then I will be fine. I nod, and start following her to the large steel door at the entrance. Two guys block our path, arms folded over their chest, eyes trained on us. Both stand taller as we approach.
“Hi, we’re here with Hunter’s woman tonight,” Lissy says, knowing what to say to get us in. The bigger, older guy nods and moves to let us pass. I ignore his eyes as they travel down my body and pray Lissy knows what she’s doing bringing us here. I’ve never been anywhere near men like this before, and the slight anxiety I feel of the unknown keeps me on edge.
“Thanks, boys.” She waves them off like she knows them, stepping into the clubhouse with ease. I take Kate’s hand, drawing strength from her and follow closely down a darkened hall. For a second, I seriously think about turning around and leaving, but leaving would mean walking past those men alone, so instead, I pull Kate forward, move closer to Manda and continue down the hall inside the clubhouse.
Before we came, Lissy schooled us on how we should act and what to do in certain situations. I’m surprised Manda and Kate still agreed to come after learning what we might see. But I think deep down, they want this for me as much as I do. I know coming here may be dangerous, but I have dealt with the Knights Rebels before, in the hospital, and each time I have met them they seem like nice people. But maybe they are different in their own environment.
“You made it.” Sarah, Lissy’s friend, spots us first when we turn the corner into a large open area. She’s sitting at the bar talking to a cute dark-haired man whose Rebels’ cut tells me he’s a member.
“We’re here,” Lissy says, accepting Sarah’s hug. I look around, while the girls all say hi, and notice the amount of people in tonight. I know Lissy said the Rebels like to party, I just didn’t expect it to be this type of party. Girls in barely-there clothes, less than what I’m wearing, hang off bikers, their fake laughs filling the air. An older guy sits on the sofa, a woman, on his lap, her hips riding against him in time with the music that blares above us.
“You look amazing, Bell,” Sarah finally greets me. We embrace, breaking my stare at the couple. “Hot damn, stay away from my man.” She laughs and turns back to the guy behind the bar. My eyes follow her lead and land on the dark-haired man. He’s busy filling drinks but still manages to take a moment to look back at Sarah. He lifts his chin up in greeting, then turns back to what he was doing.