Brynn could see Gray eyeing her speculatively, as if preparing his thoughts for a discussion beyond the polite small talk that had pervaded dinner. Fearing the subject matter, she sipped her wine and waited. Silence reigned.
Meals were much quieter now without their three other brothers at home. Arthur and Stephen, two years and three younger than Brynn respectively, had joined the Royal Navy shortly before their father perished and their finances plunged so drastically. And last year eighteen-year-old Reese had set out to make his fortune in the merchant marine.
Thus far, of all the brothers, Reese had suffered the most from their father’s disastrous investments. There had been no money for him to purchase a naval commission or even attend university, as the older boys had done. Not that that dismayed Reese, however, since he was the least studious of all the brothers. But Theo would be devastated to be denied the opportunity-
“Brynn?”
She gave a start at having her distracted thoughts interrupted.
Gray smiled faintly. “It is not like you to be woolgathering so deeply that you fail even to hear me.”
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I asked you twice what answer you gave Wycliff.”
She winced as Gray finally introduced the subject she dreaded. “I refused him, of course.”
“Did you even give his proposal consideration? Wycliff is one of the most eligible bachelors in England.”
“Perhaps so, but I have no interest in marrying him.”
“Why not?”
“There are a dozen reasons.”
Grayson’s jaw tightened, but for a moment he merely regarded her silently over his wineglass. When at last he spoke, his voice held an unusual edge of bitterness. “You might think of your family before you blithely throw away this opportunity to deliver us from debt.”
The unfairness of the accusation made Brynn catch her breath. She opened her mouth to respond, but Gray began a strange tirade, all the more forceful for its quiet delivery.
“I for one am tired of scraping for a living, Brynn. This house is falling down around our ears because we cannot afford repairs. I can barely manage to keep up the fishing ketch and pay the crew, which is our sole livelihood. We owe enormous sums. The moneylender is pressing for repayment of his loans, issuing veiled threats… I could be tossed into debtors’ prison at any moment.”
Brynn bit her tongue. There was no point in reminding Gray that she was doing her best to help him repay their loans. She understood his desperation. The humiliation of being so deeply in hock, of having to sell precious family heirlooms and dismiss beloved employees. The guilt of being unable to provide for his family. The gnawing worry, wondering how to ensure their survival from day to day.
And Gray had made his share of sacrifices. Most hurtfully, he’d had to abandon his own marital aspirations and watch the young lady he admired wed another gentleman.
“I have turned down other proposals,” Brynn said when he was through, “and you never objected before.”
“None were as advantageous as this. You will not find a better catch than Wycliff.”
“You make it sound as if he were a fish.”
Grayson only scowled at her lame attempt at humor.
“You know very well,” Brynn pointed out, “that I cannot leave Theo. At least not until his future is secure.”
“His future would be thoroughly secure if you married Wycliff. He has offered to fund Theo’s schooling. We could hire the best possible tutors or send him to school- Faith, Wycliff is wealthy enough to buy an entire school, for that matter. And you would no longer have to play at being a governess.”
That stung, considering the effort she had put into teaching her youngest brother. Brynn drew a steadying breath, willing herself to patience. “I’m not certain Theo is ready to attend school. Boys there can be so cruel.”
“Perhaps, but it could be the making of him. He is far too studious as it is. And you cannot keep him sheltered his entire life, the way you’ve done thus far.”
Brynn looked down at her glass. They had frequently argued about her overprotectiveness. She was as watchful of Theo as any mother could be, since she had raised him from his first breath.
“It is easy for you to advocate my wedding Wycliff,” Brynn said quietly. “You are not the one who would have to become his wife.”
Gray surveyed her with all seriousness. “He seems like an amiable enough sort. And I doubt you find his appeal objectionable, considering how the ladies swoon over him.”
“His appeal is a large part of the problem, Gray. I… I dreamed about him last night. I saw him dying.”
Her brother stared at her. “Perhaps it is only a coincidence.”
“You know very well it is not. I don’t want the responsibility of causing his death. I couldn’t bear the guilt.”
“Merely because you wed him doesn’t mean you would cause his death. You would simply have to discipline yourself not to develop any affection for him.”
That might be easier said than done, Brynn thought darkly. The attraction she felt for Wycliff already was nigh irresistible. “I am not willing to take the risk.”
“He seems willing enough.”
“I know. He scoffed when I warned him what could happen.” She made a sound of frustration. “Why can’t he simply believe me? If not for the curse, he would not even be pursuing me. Certainly he would never have proposed marriage. He knows nothing about me, nothing about our illicit activities. I doubt he would want a Free Trader for his countess if he knew the truth. But I didn’t think it wise to reveal my involvement.”
“No, that would have indeed been unwise,” Gray agreed, frowning. “I learned only today that Wycliff works for the Foreign Office.”
“What do you mean, works?”
“He is employed by the British government.”
Her eyebrows rose in surprise. “Why would a nobleman with his reputed fortune need employment?”
“I hardly think he needs it,” Grayson retorted. “And I have no idea why. For the challenge of it, I presume. Whatever the reason, he is quite powerful in government circles. He’s not someone I would like to thwart.”
“Well, his sense of power is another thing I find maddening. He very much enjoys throwing his weight around. I’ve rarely met a man so arrogant. He thinks he can simply command me to wed him and I will eagerly obey.”
Gray eyed her with a hint of sympathy. “I can understand that your pride would be offended. Mine is as well. But you cannot forget how dire our situation is.”
Chagrined by his gentle tone, Brynn bit her lip. Pride had always been one of her chief faults, and it was humiliating to have to swallow it. She hated being so powerless, so dependent on someone else’s whims. “I have not forgotten our situation. But I resent his lordship’s presumption that his wealth can buy my submission. He thinks he simply can purchase me to bear his children. I am not for sale.”
“He wants sons, Brynn. What man does not?”
She remained stubbornly silent.
“Are you saying that you don’t want children of your own?”
She earnestly wanted children of her own, but she had resigned herself to a barren life, telling herself she would be content devoting herself to raising Theo. “No, I am not saying that. But I certainly don’t want them to be sired by Wycliff. Just think how I would feel if I murdered my own children’s father.”
“I expect you could manage to avoid murder,” Gray said dryly.
“This is hardly a joking matter, Grayson!”
“Of course it isn’t. I’m sorry.” When she remained silent, he spoke again. “Did you consider that once we are free of debt, I will no longer have to engage in smuggling? Nor would Theo.”
That made Brynn sit up. “You would stop taking him out with you? ”
“Yes, of course. You know very well I pressed him into service only because I needed help managing my crews with all our brothers gone. And it is better to learn the trade at a young age. But I cannot give up our one source of income until I settle our debts.” Gray held her gaze steadily. “I thought that keeping Theo from the Free Trade was your most earnest desire.”