Gru is frustrated at the lack of credible suspects and snaps, “Are we looking at the same people? Because there is no way they are villains!”
But before Lucy can respond…
Ding-a-ling-a-ling! The bell on the cupcake shop’s front door rings, signaling a customer. Gru and Lucy quickly hide their equipment and try to act natural.
“Buenos días, my friends,” a man says.
“Sorry, we’re closed,” replies Gru.
“Forgive me,” the man says graciously. “I saw the ‘open’ sign in the window and jumped to conclusions. I shouldn’t do that. Anyway… I am Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa & Salsa Restaurant across the mall. Now open for breakfast!” He hands Gru a card. “And you are?”
“Gru. And this is Lucy. And now you may get out.”
Eduardo protests. “But this is just going to take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo party, and I am going to need two hundred of your best cupcakes decorated with the Mexican flag. It looks something like this.” With that, he rips open his shirt, revealing a tattoo of the Mexican flag on his chest. He makes it wave by flexing his muscles.
“So it’s all settled,” says Eduardo. “I’ll pick ’em up next week. Have a good day. Come by if you get a chance, okay?” Gru is relieved when Eduardo finally leaves, but after a few seconds, he pops back in. “And welcome to the mall family!”
Because of where he is standing, the lighting creates shadows on Eduardo’s face that remind Gru of someone. As soon as Eduardo leaves and the door closes again, Gru gasps and says, “El Macho.”
“What?” asks Lucy.
“But it couldn’t be…,” Gru says to himself.
“What? What couldn’t be?”
“That guy looks exactly like a villain named El Macho, from about twenty years ago.”
Lucy listens intently as Gru explains the legend of El Macho.
“He was ruthless; he was dangerous,” begins Gru, “and as the name implies, very macho.”
Gru tells Lucy the story of how El Macho would drink snake venom and eat the glass it was served in… how El Macho headbutted an armored truck and then punched through the bulletproof glass with his bare hands to take out the guards… how he then lifted the truck onto his back and ran down the street with it.
“Ah, but sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon,” continues Gru. “He died in the most macho way possible: He rode a shark with two hundred fifty pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest into the mouth of an active volcano. It was glorious.”
Lucy stares at Gru. “Yeah, sounds like El Macho is pretty dead.”
“They never found the body,” Gru explains. “All that was ever retrieved was a pile of singed chest hair.” He thinks of Eduardo. “But that face! It has got to be El Macho!”
Lucy excitedly proclaims, “Yeah, well, you know what? I say we break in to his restaurant! It will be my first break-in!”
Gru looks out the window and points to Eduardo in the mall. He is certain. “If anybody in this place has the PX-41 serum, it’s him.”
Chapter Six
“All right, all right,” says Gru, gently leading the girls into their bedroom. “Homework done, pajamas on, teeth brushed, time for bed!”
“What’s the big hurry?” asks Margo.
“I just… I have a lot of work to do,” Gru covers.
“So, hugs, kisses, good night, sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs blah-blah-blah…” He turns to leave, but Agnes is standing in the doorway.
“But you said you’d help me practice my part for the Mother’s Day show!” she says.
Gru looks down at Agnes’s puppy dog eyes. He grits his teeth and attempts a smile. “Fine, fine. Let me hear it—quickly.”
Agnes is pleased and immediately begins to practice her part:
Unfortunately, Agnes sounds like a robot when she says it, but Gru puts on a phony smile, anyway.
“Wow! That was something else!” cheers Gru. “I really liked the way you smiled at the end. Let’s try this one more time, but a teensy bit less like a zombie, okay?”
Agnes tries it again, but still in the same monotone, robotlike way.
“Perfect!” says Gru. “Time to go!”
As he heads for the door, Agnes announces, “I don’t think I should do this.”
Gru stops and turns around. “What do you mean? Why not?”
Agnes looks at the floor. “I don’t even have a mom.”
At that moment, Gru feels for her. He tries to cheer her up. “You don’t need one to do this show. I mean, you were in the Veterans Day pageant, and you haven’t been in combat.”
Agnes looks up at Gru. “This is different.”
“Okay, well, then maybe you can just use your imagination.”
“You mean pretend I have a mom?” asks Agnes.
“Yes, right,” replies Gru. “You can do that, can’t you?”
A smile crosses Agnes’s face. “Yeah! I do that all the time! Thanks, Gru!” She gives him a kiss and runs off.
Gru watches her for a moment and then heads off to find his Minions, so they can babysit. He takes two Minions with him and goes off to meet Lucy.
But after Gru leaves, something strange happens: A light shines down from the sky right on two other Minions in the backyard. Before they can scream, there is a whoosh, and the Minions are sucked up into the air. These Minions have been taken, too!
Chapter Seven
At the mall, the stores are closed, and the food court is empty. As soon as the lone security guard turns a corner, Gru peeks out from his hiding place under a floor tile. After making sure the coast is clear, he whispers, “We’re stealth ninjas. We make no sound.”
Lucy appears next to him, and the two of them climb into the mall and quietly sneak up to the front of Eduardo’s Salsa & Salsa Restaurant. Gru is about to kick down the door, but Lucy has a better idea.
“Nanobot Universal Key,” she says, holding up a high-tech key. “Microscopic particles automatically arrange to open any lock known to man.” She sticks the key in the door. It begins to make all kinds of weird high-tech noises!
Then it jams.
She jiggles the key, trying to get it to work.
Frustrated, Lucy just kicks in the door!
The pair walks inside. Gru is about to head toward the kitchen to look for the PX-41 serum, when Lucy stops him.
“Wait!” she calls. She whips out an aerosol can and sprays the air in front of her. “I’m checking for laser beam alarm triggers.”
“It’s a restaurant,” Gru points out, annoyed.
“You never know what kind of booby traps this guy could have set,” Lucy explains.
“There are no booby traps!” Gru insists as he takes a step, kicking a trip wire attached to a tiny bell. Ding-a-ling!
“Ha! Booby!” Lucy says triumphantly.
Gru and Lucy look terrified as the kitchen door begins to creak open, revealing…
A small chicken.
Lucy thinks it looks cute. “Are you lost, little guy? You must be lost.”
Gru laughs. “Ha! Some guard dog!”
Suddenly, the chicken leaps into the air and lands on Gru, pecking his bald head.
Gru runs in circles, trying to swat the chicken. “Aaaaaahhh! Get it off me! Get it off me!”
Lucy thinks fast and grabs a nearby tablecloth. She lunges and covers the chicken with it.
“I got it!” she says, tightening the tablecloth around Gru’s neck.
A muffled scream comes from under the tablecloth, and Lucy realizes what she’s done. She quickly removes the tablecloth and goes to karate chop the chicken. But the bird flies off, and instead Lucy hits Gru in the face.
The chicken clucks and attacks! Lucy presses a button on her watch, squirting foam onto the evil chicken. The foam instantly hardens like a concrete ball around the chicken, with only its head sticking out.