“Don’t let the bedbugs bite, because there are literally thousands of them.”
Gru stares at a collection of miniature robots on a table in the lab. Each robot has one eye, a metallic underbite, and a giant wig of curly hair. Next to them stands Dr. Nefario, his chest puffed out with pride. Disco music blares through the speakers, and the little robots start to dance. They’re actually pretty good!
Looking confused, Gru asks, “Uh, what are these?”
Dr. Nefario grooves to the beat and says, “A dozen Boogie Robots! Booogieee!”
Gru grabs the remote control and pushes the stop button.
“Cookie Robots!” cries Gru. “I said Cookie Robots!”
Dr. Nefario’s mouth drops open. Whoops.
“Okay, I’m on it,” the scientist says, feeling quite embarrassed.
Meanwhile, the girls are upstairs exploring the dark and ghastly house. They wander into the main room.
“TV!” Agnes cheers. She tries to climb up on the rhino chair and accidentally steps on the remote control in the chair’s leg. The cannon drops down from above, revealing the secret entrance.
“Whoa, this is cool! Come on!” says Edith. The other girls follow out of curiosity.
“I don’t think he’s a dentist,” Agnes says as they ride down in the elevator to the secret lab.
Back inside the lab, Dr. Nefario presents a normal-looking cookie on the table. This is no ordinary cookie, however. With a vzzzzrt, mechanical legs emerge from the sides of the cookie and it stands up, looking like a robotic spider with a chewy center. The cookie scampers across the table toward Gru, who smiles.
“Congratulations,” Gru says to Dr. Nefario. “Now, those are Cookie Robots! We are one step closer to getting that Shrink Ray and ultimately… the moon!” He and the scientist exchange high fives.
Suddenly a toy unicorn appears from behind the table. A tiny hand makes it hop along.
“La la la la la. I love unicorns. I love unicorns. If they were real, I could pet one,” sings Agnes.
Gru grits his teeth as the three girls emerge from behind the table.
“What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen,” he says.
“We got bored,” answers Margo. “What is this place?”
Gru isn’t sure how to answer, so he ignores the question. “Get back in the kitchen.”
“Will you play with us?” Agnes asks innocently.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because!” Gru replies. “I’m busy!”
“Doing what? ’Cause I don’t see any patients here. Or dental equipment,” Margo points out.
“Um, okay, okay, you got me,” says Gru. “The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, my job is… a spy. I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody.”
Edith isn’t listening. “What does this do?” She pushes a button, and a laser shoots out from a panel in the wall.
“No! Don’t touch that!” shouts Dr. Nefario.
It’s too late. The laser makes contact with Agnes’s stuffed unicorn. The stuffed animal instantly turns to ashes.
“Waaaaaah!” cries Agnes.
“That is an annoying sound,” Gru says to her. “Remember our deal?”
“Waaaaaah!”
“Okay, we get it. You’re sad,” says Gru. “Now stop it!”
Margo shakes her head. “She’s not going to stop. That was her favorite unicorn.”
Gru feels like he might explode from the piercing cries. Thinking quickly, he calls over some of his minions.
“This is a code red,” Gru explains. “I need you to go and get the girl a new toy. And hurry!”
The minions salute and run off.
“Who are those little guys?” Margo asks.
“They are my… uh… cousins,” Gru replies. “Okay, bedtime.”
“Awww,” the girls whine, following Gru to their bedroom.
Once the girls see their new bedroom, they stop and stare. The beds are actually three nuclear warhead casings, with a pillow and blanket nestled inside each one.
Without wasting another moment, Gru plops each girl into a bed. “Okay, all tucked in. Sweet dreams,” he says.
“Just so you know,” begins Margo, “you’re never going to be my dad.”
“I think I can live with that,” Gru replies.
Margo is taken aback by Gru’s response. It isn’t what she expected, and she feels a little sad.
Agnes holds up a book and asks Gru to read them a bedtime story. When Gru refuses, Agnes says, “But we can’t go to sleep without a bedtime story.”
Without missing a beat, Gru says, “Well, then, it’s going to be a long night for you, isn’t it?”
That leaves Agnes speechless. Did he really just say that?
“Good night, sleep tight,” he continues. “Don’t let the bedbugs bite, because there are literally thousands of them. Oh, and there’s probably something in your closet.” He walks out of the girls’ room, shutting off the lights and closing the door.
“He’s just kidding, Agnes,” says Margo. But none of the girls are convinced.
Then the door opens, and three minions enter. One of them approaches Agnes and hands her the new “toy.” It’s a toilet brush that the minions dressed up to look like a unicorn.
Agnes smiles. “It’s beautiful,” she says, giving one minion a kiss.
The minion blushes and they leave the room.
Agnes closes her eyes and goes to sleep, clutching the toilet brush all night.
CHAPTER NINE
“Welcome back to the Fortress of Vectortude.”
“Girls, let’s go! Time to deliver cookies!”
Gru has loaded up all the cookies, including his special Cookie Robots, into a wagon.
The girls come out the front door wearing ballet tutus.
“First we’re going to dance class,” insists Margo.
Gru shakes his head. “Actually, we’re going to have to skip the dance class today.”
“Actually, we can’t skip the dance class today,” Margo tells him. “We have a big recital coming up. We’re doing a dance from Swan Lake.”
“That’s fantastic, wonderful,” Gru says dismissively. He heads for his van. “But right now we’re going to deliver cookies.”
“No,” says Margo.
“No?” repeats Gru, a little surprised.
“We’re not going to deliver cookies until we go to dance class,” Margo says firmly. She folds her arms. Edith does the same. Agnes has a little trouble folding her arms, then finally gets it. Then the three of them start marching down the street.
Gru fumes with anger. “You just keep walking!” he yells. “Because I’m not driving you!”
Margo calls back over her shoulder, “Okay.”
A few minutes later, Gru is in his car, driving slowly alongside the girls. “I am going to give you to the count of three, and if you’re not in this car… I can’t even tell you what. One, two, two and three-quarters… two and seven-eighths… I am serious! I’ll make it five. But that’s it. Five looms in your future.”
Fifteen minutes later, Gru finds himself sitting in the waiting room, along with the other parents. While the girls take their class, Gru is forced to hold all the girls’ girly stuff: dolls, clothes, and anything pink. He looks miserable.
When the class ends, Agnes runs up to him. “Here you go,” she says, holding out a ticket.
“What is this?” asks Gru.
“Your ticket to the dance recital,” explains Agnes. “You’re coming, right?”