Desperate and painfully I finally follows the rail back to the stateroom. A lunge of the boat sends me sprawlin’ within, where I lands, face down, on my bed.
“Well, for gosh sakes, Sam,” pipes Fluffy, idly completin’ his toilet before the swayin’ mirror. “You doin’ a spring dance?”
“Shut up,” I moans, “and get the doctor. I’m dyin’.”
“Seasick, eh? She is a little choppy this mornin’.”
“Seasick your nanny — I got somethin’ tremendous, like scarlet fever or spinal meningitis. Don’t stand there grinnin’, you ape — get me the doctor.”
Well, I’ll always contend he had his breakfast first, but I may be wrong, this bein’ just before I lost all track of time and everything. Anyhow, at last he shows up with the ship’s physician.
“Ah-ha,” nods this gleamin’ white optimist, feelin’ my fevered brow “mal de mer.”
“Yeah — I knew it wasn’t seasick,” I moans.
“Same thing,” says he, dealin’ me out some powders. “Here, take these and eat oranges, and you’ll feel better as soon as the boat lands.” And that’s all I gets outa him.
Just let me pause here to state that, contrary to popular opinion, there ain’t nothin’ funny about seasickness. Beside bein’ pernicious, it’s also contagious (almost half the ship has got it by noon time), and there ain’t nothin’ will cure it except a dry climate. Seasickness is a solemn, tragic, and terrible thing, and would never ’a’ descended into the flippant category of comic strips and Scotch stories if a few more professional humorists had ever had it theirselves.
As to what happened the next eight or ten hours, your guess is as good as mine. I’m too busy wishin’ I could die, and afraid I’m goin’ to, to take no notice of anything. I recalls Fluffy comin’ in a few times to tell me what a swell meal he’s just had, and huntin’ feebly for somethin’ to throw at him. The rest is all blank misery, till I wakes up with somebody shakin’ me.
“Hey, Smitz, what’s the idea?”
“Huh?”
“I say, you ain’t forgot our proposition have you?”
“Which proposition?”
“Why, about stickin’ up this guy Bodie, to get his roll.”
“If I sticks up anybody,” says I, “it’ll be the engineer, to stop the ship. Beat it.”
“Look here,” he shakes me some more. “Wake up now.”
“Oh, it’s you, is it?” I blinks. “Hello, Mac, what’s on your mind?”
“Why, that agreement we fixed up this mornin’. We was gonna settle the details up in my stateroom tonight. Don’t you remember?”
“Oh, yeah,” I recalls. “You see, I busted all out with mal der mer right after I seen you,” I explains, “and I ain’t been myself since.”
“That’s too bad,” he’s concerned. “But you’ll be able to pull it. You’re feelin’ all right now, ain’t ya?”
“Not by a long ways I ain’t,” says I. “Nope, you better count me out, Mac. Sorry. It woulda been a nice job, and I appreciate your patronage and all that but—”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” he groans, “don’t tell me you’re gonna throw me down just for a little seasickness! Why I’ve staked everything on you.” He gives me a wretched look and starts pacin’ the floor.
“Say,” he halts suddenly, “how about that partner of yours — maybe he’d do it.”
“Who, McGoff?”
“Yeah, the blank-lookin’ card with the mop of hair.”
“He’s no partner of mine!”
“No? He said he was. Well, he’s in the racket anyhow, ain’t he? Why couldn’t he do it just as good as you?”
“You’ll never know,” I explodes, “till you suddenly find he ain’t done it. Listen, him and me is old friends, and far be it from me to knock a pal, but I never knew a guy so long onshort-comin’s as McGoff.”
“Double-crosser, eh?”
“No, nothin’ like that. He’s honest enough and conscientious, but — well, he’s got absent-mindedness, and you never know what he’s gonna do with it.”
“But man alive, he could pull a simple job like this, couldn’t he?”
“You’d think so,” I sighs, “but you don’t know him like I do.”
“But if you rehearsed him on it a little, I don’t see what could go wrong. And he’s got a swell map to make up.”
“Yeah, just like a blank sheet of paper,” I admits.
“Sure, see if he’ll do it, Smitz. That is if you’re sure you won’t.”
“I’m certain,” says I. “If I’m alive I’ll be doin’ well.”
IV
Well, he’s hardly out the door when in breezes McGoff. Neither depression or the weather has dampered his spirits any, and it sure galls me how he can walk around on this heavin’ monster when it’s all I can do to stick on my bed. It’s a big blow to my pride to have to have him double for me on this job.
“Hello, Sam,” he beams. “How you feelin’? Odd how it ain’t bothered me none, ain’t it?”
“Not at all,” I snorts. “A guy as naturally dizzy as you are could ride anything. Sit down and give me your attention. I gotta job I can work you in on.”
“Oh, yeah! You been workin’ on them diamonds, Sam?”
“No, them diamonds is out. This is a big cash proposition, involving nothin’ but a cool stick-up and a quick get-away.”
“Hold on now,” he protests, “ain’t you been dinnin’ it into me that nobody on this ship could pull anything like that?”
“Yeah, but this is gonna be pulled by somebody that ain’t on the ship.”
“Huh? Say, you ain’t runnin’ a fever are you, Sam?”
“Nope, it’s like this, Fluffy.” I proceeds to give him the layout. “MacEwen picked you as the perfect guy for the job,” says I, “and you get one-third of the take, which should be a neat wad if his estimate is correct. What do you say — can you do it?”
“Sure I can do it,” he’s all aglow. “And how I’ll enjoy takin’ a fall outa that card sharp! When do we pull it, Sam?”
“To-morrow at breakfast, durin’ first call. Bodie’ll just be gettin’ up — he eats at second table same as us. Mac’ll make you up in here.
“Bodie keeps the jack in a money belt on his person. You buckle this under your coat, block him in his bathroom, and then walk along natural up to Mac’s. He’ll pull off your make-up, and you’ll go down to breakfast as usual. Then they’ll hunt for the rest of the voyage for a guy like Bodie says stuck him up, but of course they won’t find him.”
“Sure, I get ya, Sam,” he grins. “I knew you’d think up somethin’ so’s we wouldn’t start life in Honolulu with empty pockets. You and me is gonna stick together now, huh, Sam?”
“That all depends,” says I, “on how slick you put over this job. Now you know your way around the ship, don’t you?”
“Well, I got lost a couple of times a’ready,” he admits. “It’s a big boat. But there’s always somebody around that you can ask.”
“Holy smokes!” I moans. “You can’t be stoppin’ to ask nobody while you’re fleein’ with this money. You won’t be safe till you get that disguise off, and you gotta keep movin’. Get outa here right now and learn the way from Bodie’s parlor down to Mac’s. Learn two or three ways, and spot a place here and there where you might duck in case of emergency. Then go up and see Mac.”
“Okay, Sam.” Eager and obligin’ he dons his little round hat and goes out — after four days! — to learn the ship. Thank God there’s only one guy like Fluffy.