Gray frowned playfully and grabbed my hand. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
I led Sydney through the small cabin. The furniture hadn’t changed since the sixties, when my grandparents bought it. I loved that. Everything, even the worn-out tartan couch, smelled like family. I had some of my best memories in this place, and I was glad to share it with Sydney.
At the end of the creaky, wooden hallway, I opened a bedroom door.
Sydney’s eyes lit up and she squealed. “Bunk beds!” Dropping my hand, she ran for the pine ladder leading to the top bunk. When she pulled back the covers, she gasped. “Star Wars sheets!”
I lay across the bottom bunk. “You sleeping solo tonight, Sydney?” I asked, pulling back my covers to reveal my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sheets. “That’s my brother Elliott’s bed. Watch out for crusty tube socks.”
“I’m sleeping with Hans Solo tonight,” she joked, and from the bottom bunk, I kicked the pine slats holding her mattress in place. I guess I set her up for that joke.
Turning on my side, I listened to her shifting around above me. Eventually, her hand dangled over the side of the mattress, and she wiggled her fingers toward my face. “Take my hand.”
Reaching up, I grabbed her fingers, gently stroking the tips.
“I’m not convinced people should sleep together in one bed,” she said.
Sydney dropped down her other hand, and I moved to the edge of my bunk, grabbing both. I admired how playful she was. A little kid in a woman’s body. This was what I loved most about Sydney. She was full of life. Everyone should be that free.
“I like to sleep diagonal, and I think a lot of people do. When I get married, I’ll have two king-sized beds in one room and I’ll sleep separately, except for Sundays.”
I grinned as her thin fingers frantically searched for more of my hand. “What’s on Sundays?”
“Conjugal visits, duh!”
“What happened to double-drills?” I asked and immediately regretted opening my mouth.
I’d inserted myself into Sydney’s marriage fantasy. If she wasn’t already scared, she was going to knock me out with Elliott’s crusty tube sock and take off right now. I closed my eyes, waiting for her reaction.
“Well, you keep that gut away and we’ll see what happens.” She hopped down from the bed.
I clung onto every word, hoping the ideas I planted in Sydney’s head would take root and grow. But looking into her smiling face, I knew there was one thing still left to do—crush her all over again.
“We can work on that gut right now,” she whispered, pulling off her shirt.
When she crawled into my bunk, I wrapped my arms around her.
“Whaddya say?” She began to unbuckle my jeans.
This wasn’t right.
I mean, everything about Sydney and me felt right. But this, Sydney not knowing the truth, was killing me. I thought if I could take her away from school, I’d make her forget. Really, I was the one trying to forget. Every soft touch. Every sweet thing she said made my stomach twist into knots.
I got swept up in the moment yesterday. Sydney did too. I wanted her so badly I didn’t think it through entirely. Not only was I her blackmailer, but I’d written a letter, giving her hope. Deep inside, I knew she might never recover from that. Could I blame her? That letter was full of empty promises making her feel special and talented. And she was. But it wouldn’t be enough that I thought she was special and talented. When she found out the truth, we were as good as over.
“You gonna help me or what?” She laid tiny kisses along my jawline as she fumbled with the button on my jeans. I moved my head away, and she sat back on my thighs, frowning. “What’s wrong?”
I wasn’t about to make love to Sydney again, then turn around and tell her I’d been messing with her for weeks. Sydney trusted me, and I fucked it all up.
“Nothing,” I said, feigning a yawn. I slid my palm down her arm and grabbed her hand at the end. “I just want to cuddle tonight, baby.” Sydney moved, and I pulled my jeans down. “We’ve been hot and heavy for the last two days. You need a break,” I teased.
She gave me scrutinizing look, but I pulled her into bed with me. “I just want you to lie in my arms tonight.”
At breakfast, I thought through my plan. Unfortunately, the outcome was always the same.
I was a dead man.
I couldn’t tell her here. Mom would be ticked if she visited an ashy patch along the beach because Sydney burned down her father’s cabin.
The country. That’s where I’d tell her. On the way back to campus.
I figured if I took her into some secluded woods, no one would hear her screaming.
Please, I wasn’t going to kill her!
I just knew if she couldn’t hail a cab or pick up the number 143 bus, she’d be forced to hear things out. Wait, trees… rocks… branches… Better take to her to an open field.
My guilt doubled by the time we left the coast. Sydney’s little hand never left mine for a second, and I could feel a dripping sweat, a clammy reminder that I was an asshole, multiplying on my palms.
Sydney, I’d say, let me first tell you I’m crazy in love with you. So crazy I plotted your demise for the last six weeks… I know, right? I’m such a goofball… Yes, I forgive you for trashing my car… I totally agree, baby. Let’s never speak of this again… Then we’d kiss and hug it out, right? Because any normal girl would be completely forgiving if her boyfriend admitted to a well thought-out strategy to ruin her life and make her suffer horrible embarrassment.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Sydney’s sweet voice cut through the inevitable bloodbath in my mind. She’d finally settled on a jazz station and opened the window to clear the guilt-ridden air.
“I really don’t think you do.” Shooting her a sidelong glance, I took an exit for a nearby state park.
“You were thinking about freshman year, right?” She turned toward me with the most adorable smile tucked on her face. “I was too.” Propping her feet on the dash, she sank in the leather passenger seat. “I feel stupid that I lied to you. I didn’t tell you that you were my first because I didn’t want you to get all weird and back out.”
“Did you think I’d ditch you for someone else? I think you could tell I wasn’t going anywhere.”
We pulled up in the parking lot in the sparsely used state park. It was midway between the coast and campus, and I knew the terrain well. For fast getaways of course.
“This park has good trails,” I said, pulling my fleece from the backseat.
Sydney smiled and unbuckled her seatbelt. “Hold on,” she said, digging through her shirt. “Good, my Mace is on me. You never know in the woods. There could be bears.”
Gritting my teeth, I stepped out of car. How could I have forgotten the goddamn Mace?
“I should probably write a note.” I rummaged through my bag. “Park rangers want to know when people hike out here. You know, who they are and when they started.” And so they can locate my body when Sinister douses me with Mace and pushes me off a cliff.
Shit. This trail has a cliff edge—she could make it look like an accident. I wrote out a quick note, mentioning any cliff-related accidents were not in fact accidents and to investigate thoroughly, then folded it and tucked it under the windshield wiper.
“Here, let me add my cell number.” Sydney went for the note, and I shook my head.
“I put both of ours on there already, gorgeous. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”
“Pretty little head?” Narrowing her eyes, she tilted her head, telling me she wasn’t amused. “I don’t like it when you start in with the compliments, Gray. It makes me nervous. Should I be nervous?”