And therein lies sexual fulfillment for both, not in the highly touted orgasm, which simply feels extra good for a minute or so and relieves sexual tension, but in the sharing, the touching, the being together, the interaction of mutual warmth and trust, the tenderness, the giving, the respect, and even the humor, for it is these that truly satisfy.
Susan taught me that to a real lover orgasms are not the end of sex; they are simply a series of small hills traversed while on the way to a more distant, more worthy object. From the day that she straddled me on that kitchen chair, insistent upon pulling the sperm from me before I could satisfy her, I began to learn what love, both physical and spiritual, was really all about. Many evenings we made love for hours, without ever touching each other's sex organs. Sometimes we fell asleep doing this, and other times we finished by quickly relieving ourselves or each other, just to bring the tension level back to normal. Otherwise, orgasms wouldn't even have been important to us. On other occasions we would start by getting sexual relief quickly and then we would begin to make love; me with a soft penis and Susan already completely satisfied. Both of us had a sex-hormone level of zero, but we would make love, and it would be beautiful, with no objective left for either of us except love itself.
People who are easily capable of achieving orgasm should do so, keeping in mind that the feeling produced is only a temporary relief of tension and has nothing to do with either love or fulfillment. Women who cannot achieve orgasm and men who are impotent or who ejaculate prematurely should forget every book, every magazine article, every movie they have ever seen on the subject. People should love each other with all of the care, with all of the tenderness, with all of the compassion that is in them, fully, and without guilt or shame or embarrassment because they share their humanness with each other. They should live their lives together in happiness and pay no attention whatever to the hucksters who would have them believe that their relationship is inadequate if certain transitory physical sensations are not experienced. Then, with all artificial pressures removed, they should learn the joy of giving and of receiving true fulfillment.
It may take time.
But it's worth the trip.