With Humphrey still taking copious notes, Dick dropped his bombshell. A bombshell so unimaginably large that you could be in the deepest fallout shelter and still feel its impact. The fifteen robot prostitutes had recently gone ‘rogue’.
It wasn’t that they had turned against the Party; it was just that they couldn’t be traced any more. An unknown fault meant that they were no longer emitting any tracking signal – but more importantly, nor were they capable of restraining their clients. This happened to all of the robots more or less around the same time, which implied some sort of inherent component failure. Dick strongly believed that the engineers should have spent more time on quality control than on creating a realistic artificial vagina.
The Party therefore had a situation on their hands where fifteen robot prostitutes were giving sexual pleasure to countless men, but they had no idea where they were operating. Worse still, it meant the prostitutes would continue providing this service until they powered-down, which would not be for another three or four years when their energy cells needed renewing.
Dick’s task on the project was to try and find a way for these robots to be traced and decommissioned. The longer they were left to solicit customers, the more men would discover it was possible to be sexually fulfilled outside of marriage. The bigger implication of this was that these men would spread word of this to others who would then start questioning the Party and its policies. This, of course, could not be tolerated. Dick told his audience that the situation was so serious that the Leader himself was taking a very close personal interest in the project.
‘Would these robot things be the secret weapon we’ve heard the Party is developing?’, asked Edward.
‘It could be, but I doubt it’, said Taylor. ‘Even so, it gives an indication of their current technological abilities’. Turning to Dick he continued. ‘If you perform well on this project I’m sure you’ll be given greater responsibilities and possibly promotion. That means the chance to penetrate further within the Party’.
Susan leant forward and whispered something in Taylor’s ear. Dick was sure he saw him blush slightly. Taylor whispered something back to Susan and the two of them exchanged a few comments in this way. At the end of this brief conversation Susan looked crestfallen.
‘What’s wrong?’, asked Dick.
Taylor sighed before explaining. ‘Apparently this talk about penetration reminded Susan of something I mentioned to the Resistance when you first arrived’.
‘Taylor said you’d be able to educate us all about sex’, Susan explained. ‘I just asked him if you’d be able to give me… I mean us… a lesson this evening but Taylor said it was too short notice and that you would need more time to prepare’.
Dick looked at Susan who smiley coyly and licked her lips. And that’s when he found his role change from one of informer to one of educator.
CHAPTER 13
Dick felt uncomfortable standing in front of his ‘class’. Here he was, with no warning, no notes and no visual aids about to give an impromptu Sex Ed lecture. He wondered if he was even qualified to teach sexual techniques, after all, he’d had no formal training. All his knowledge was gained solely on the job. Dick surveyed the room. His pupils, eleven members of the Resistance who were in the building that evening, looked attentive and eager to learn, which was encouraging. Despite this, he still felt nervous about addressing them. Then Dick remembered hearing about a technique to put public speakers’ minds at ease. A way of calming nerves and overcoming anxiety.
It was only a few seconds into imagining his audience in their underwear when Dick realised this might not be such a good technique. He felt his eyes locking on to those of Alice and in that instant she was wearing a provocative black lacy basque and suspenders. Also in that instant he felt his penis wake from its slumber and perform an involuntary impression of an Apollo moon rocket. Dick glanced down and saw a growing bulge that threatened to cause alarm and embarrassment.
‘Houston…’ he thought to himself. ‘We have a problem…’
To maintain the dignity expected of a teacher Dick had to terminate with extreme prejudice, any feelings of sexual arousal. By a process of trial and error Dick had long ago worked out what thoughts would achieve this altered state in the shortest possible time. In quick succession he rapidly conjured up images in his mind that would result in near-instant detumescence: getting his testicles caught in a rusty man-trap, being sodomised by Hulk Hogan, and having to de-lice the matted pubic hair of a swarthy and extremely sweaty, obese, leprous Turkish woman called Yagmur. In a supreme ordeal of mind over member his penis began to achieve, as Dick called it, a ‘soft on’. Inwardly he let out a sigh of relief. Outwardly, however, he let out the same sigh.
‘Is everything all right?’, asked Grace, staring at Dick’s crotch.
‘Sure’, replied Dick, glancing at his crotch to make sure everything was back to normal. ‘I was just thinking about, er, what I would teach you’.
He was sure he caught Grace smiling. The sort of smile you get when a woman absolutely gagging for sex has noticed the onset of a thirteen-inch erection in your pants. Dick decided to move swiftly on.
‘Right. For this inaugural lesson, or as I’ll call it, the Dick S. Longg “Sex Masterclass”, I’m going to teach you about sexual positions. I’m not sure if you’re all aware, but there are many, many more variations than the conventional Party-approved Missionary position that you know about’.
Cue much murmuring from the audience. ‘To show you the wide variety available,’ Dick continued, ‘I’ll need to conduct the lesson with the help of a volunteer’.
Faster than a speeding bullet, three hands immediately shot up in the air. Unfortunately these three hands belonged to Edward, Humphrey and George, a tubby smiling man Dick hadn’t seen before, but who was sitting quietly at the back.
‘Er… that’s not what I meant actually’, Dick said trying to conceal the disgust and horror in his voice. ‘I need to demonstrate the positions with a wom…’
Dick didn’t even have to finish the word (which was ‘woman’, in case you’re wondering. Not ‘wombat’; that would be the subject of his Masterclass on marsupials. Or perversions). Four women in the audience had anticipated this word with almost superhuman reflexes and even now, their eager hands were clawing the air in an attempt to get noticed. The volunteers were Susan, Grace and two other fairly attractive young women who he hadn’t met before, Louise and Charlotte.
‘Is there anyone else who’d like to be considered?’, Dick asked, disappointedly looking at Alice whose hands remained firmly clasped in her lap.
‘Are you sure?’
Susan, Grace, Louise and Charlotte made lots of enthusiastic grunting noises.
‘Last call for volunteers. I know, we could start at the beginning of the alphabet. Is there anyone here whose name begins with an “A”?’
Alice failed to get the hint. Or if she did, she decided she’d rather observe and learn than participate. Dick sighed and gave up. ‘OK then, let’s go with…’ He covered his eyes with one hand (actually he was peeking through his fingers) and waved his other hand around seemingly randomly at the four women. Eventually it stopped. He took his hand from his eyes; he was pointing at Susan. He saw looks of disappointment on the faces of the other women. And, very worryingly, on the face of George.
Susan joined Dick at the front of the room and during the course of the next twenty minutes or so, he demonstrated, fully clothed, as many sexual positions as he could think of. These ranged from the basics such as the Spoon, the Monkey Hump, the Rocking Recliner and Doggy Style, right through the more interesting Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Sitting Bull, the Wheelbarrow, Sidewinder, Leap Frog, the Lotus Position, the Drive-Thru, the Butterfly, the Backdoor Mailman, Scissors, Hoovering the Floor, the Armchair, Playing the Cello, Sleeping Beauty, Upturned Turtle, the Ballerina, the Diving Bell, the Crab, the Praying Mantis, the Bodyguard, the Hayride, the Little Big Horn, Standing Tiger / Crouching Dragon, Sitting Bull, Prison Guard, Big Brother, the See-Saw, the Matrix, Persuading the Debtor, the Drunken Hillbilly, Bumper Cars, The Jelly Fish, Plumber’s Mate and the Incline Leg Press.