Now all those dreams were shattered, and Pat felt physically broken inside. It was like suddenly coming up against a brick wall in a maze and finding all the other exits blocked and nowhere to go. The worst part of it all for her was the realization that while she'd been faithful to June ever since their meeting in Boston over Christmas, her friend had been spreading her legs for a guy's cock and fucking like a rabbit for the last several months, with no thought at all for Pat and their relationship.
She realized it was as much the hurt of being rejected as it was the anger of jealousy that made her feel so terrible inside. She'd been used for June's fun until something better came along, then tossed away without a second's hesitation. If the shoe were on the other foot, she thought, how would June feel at that moment? If she'd been the one who was rejected, would she still ask if they could be friends? Wouldn't she see how impossible – because how painful – that would be?
Maybe, she thought, she should consider going to Mrs. Marchant and asking to be put into a different cabin. Spending the whole summer with June sleeping in the bed right next to hers and yet not being able to touch her was going to be unbearable torture. By the end of August, Pat thought, she'd most likely be out of her mind with sexual frustration.
Maybe she should even consider telling the camp's owner that something had happened at home and she had to leave the job. She considered the idea for a moment, then rejected it as quickly as the first. Neither solution was very practical. In the first place, there would be too many questions to be answered if she asked to change cabins, and it wouldn't pay to rouse Mrs. Marchant's suspicions. And yet, she thought wickedly, what fitting justice it would be to hint that the reason she wanted to change cabin partners was because she'd discovered June was a lesbian! It would serve her right, she thought bitterly, but even as the idea went through her mind she knew she couldn't do it. Her rage and hurt made her want to punish June, yes; but not in a way that would damage her forever.
It would be difficult to leave the counselor's job, too. There were scarcely any summer jobs available for girls in Pat's hometown, and none of them paid half as much as the Summer Sisters Camp. What with graduation expenses the following spring and the cost of setting herself up in an apartment when she left college to look for a job, she was going to need every penny she could lay her hands on. Leaving because of June would be like cutting off her nose to spite her face.
There seemed no way out. She was stuck at the camp for the summer with June, like it or not. But how to get through all those impending weeks of loneliness, she wondered? How to satisfy the need that had been building inside her all winter and which needed release before it drove her wild?
Maybe, she thought, Shirley Adams wasn't such a bad idea. She'd only mentioned the girl to June because she knew it would make her jealous, but on second thought – with no other alternative open to her – maybe it wasn't such a crazy notion. She'd never cared that much for Shirley; she was one of those girls whose mouth never stopped spewing out an endless stream of idiotic drivel. But she did have a terrific body, and Pat was certain the signals she'd thought the girl had given her the last summer meant she was interested. This just might be the time to find out, she told herself.
Neither of the girls had spoken for about ten minutes after June put out the light. Pat had been absorbed with her thoughts and assumed that her friend was falling asleep. As she shifted in her bed and turned her head on the pillow, however, she was suddenly aware of muffled sobs coming from June's side of the room. Her insides stiffened with alert response instantly and, despite the resolutions she'd just made to forget about June and find someone else, she was quick to find out what was wrong.
Slipping out of her own bed, she crossed the little space between the two bunks and put her hand lightly down on June's shoulder. "What's wrong, honey?" she whispered tenderly.
June turned her head instantly and looked up into Pat's worried face. There were tears streaming down both cheeks and her eyes were red and puffy. Apparently, she'd been crying ever since she put out the light.
"Oh, Pat," she sobbed helplessly, reaching her arms up to the other girl, "I didn't mean for it to turn out like this. Honest I didn't."
Pat tried to steel herself, to resist the impulses running through her, but in the next moment she dropped down onto the edge of June's bed and took her warmly in her arms. "It's all right, honey," she murmured. "Don't cry; it's all right."
"No, it's not," June wailed. "I've hurt you and I didn't want to. I wasn't even going to tell you about Gary; I thought I'd keep it a secret and it wouldn't make any difference."
"Then why did you tell me?" Pat asked, knowing full well that what she didn't know wouldn't have hurt her half as much as the truth.
"I didn't think it would be fair."
"To who? Me?"
"You, yes. And to Gary, too. I couldn't have made love to you all summer and then gone back to him as though nothing had happened. And I couldn't have pretended with you that I wasn't thinking of him. Don't you see? I didn't want to hurt either of you, but it looks like I've done that anyway."
"Do you know what I think?" Pat asked softly, as her hand stroked across June's bare shoulders.
"What?"
"I think you can't make up your mind which of us you want more – him or me."
"I – don't – know…"
"I know you don't," she smiled tenderly. "When I came in here a little while ago and found you with your finger in your cunt, who were you thinking of? Him? Or me?"
June's eyes dropped guiltily away from Pat's searching stare. "You," she whispered.
A surge of relief and sudden hope swelled through Pat's heart. Maybe it wasn't too late, she thought. Maybe there was still a chance to win her back. At least for the summer, if not forever. When she'd faced the prospect of an endless summer of loneliness, anything that was thrown her way as a consolation was better than nothing. And who knew? Maybe if she really proved to June during the next months that she could give her more in the way of love and satisfaction than the guy she'd been screwing at college, she'd realize how much she'd be throwing away for nothing if she let Pat go. It was something to hope for, anyway.
"I knew it," she said softly. "And I'll bet you wanted me to French kiss you, too, didn't you? Even though you pretended you didn't. Am I right?"
For a long moment June gave no answer, then slowly her head nodded up and down. She lifted her eyes and looked intently into Pat's. "I'm… sorry," she whispered, her voice on the brink of tears. "Can you ever forgive me for what I've done to you?"
"Oh, darling!" Pat laughed. "You talk like such a little fool sometimes!"
Impulsively, her arms tightened around June's body and she brought the girl's mouth forward to meet her own. When she slid the tip of her tongue through her lips, she found June's mouth parted and waiting for the first thrust. She moaned softly in her throat as she slipped her tongue into the girl's hot mouth and felt the answering touch of June's tongue meet it in passionate combat. "Darling! Darling!" she whispered, breaking the kiss and lowering June slowly onto her back on the bed. She slipped her arms from around her body and climbed into the bunk with her, settling her bare flesh against June's. "I've wanted to hold you like this for so long. You don't know what it means to me when we're in each other's arms like this, touching all over…"
"Don't," June whimpered. "Please. Don't say any more, Pat."
"I love you," she whispered. "I'll always love you. You mean more to me than anyone else in the world."
"Oh, no…"
"Don't fight it, darling. Don't try to resist what you really feel inside. Let it go. Let yourself be free, like we were last summer. Don't be frightened. I'm not going to hurt you; you know that. I only want to love you."