Dilating the Paradox
by Paula May
Illustration by Dell Harris
Rose woke up gradually, wandering into consciousness as she so frequently wandered out of it these days. The wall clock across the room read 10:15, but there was no way to tell if it was morning or evening. They kept her blinds drawn up tight unless she specifically asked for them to be opened. Did they think she wanted to shut herself away from the world?
She glanced toward her visitor’s chair in case it was morning and someone had come in while she slept. There in the chair sat the Captain. She could see him clear as day, looking almost as she remembered, a bit older, perhaps. Impossible, of course, but not surprising. A while back, Rose’d had visitors and she’d been sure one of them was cousin Greta, who’d died at least eighty years ago. The directionality of time was coming unstuck for Rose. One of the side effects of the close approach of death. Another of the good Lord’s little jokes.
She let her gaze slip away from the mirage, across her present reality, snagging momentarily on the garish artificial flowers on the bedside table, resting more comfortably on the bright splashes of the great-great-grandchildren’s watercolors pinned to her cork board. The family tried to liven the place as best they could, but the Center’s rules forbade such comforts as live plants, sound systems without headsets, hanging anything on the bland beige walls, so it still felt just like what it was, a long-stay hospital room. Rose was glad that she could at least afford a private room. So many couldn’t.
She looked at the chair again. It still seemed to be occupied. She could see sweat standing on the man’s brow, the warm room her thin blood required too much for him. Did mirages sweat? Perhaps there really was someone there, some young relative she hadn’t seen for a while, whose features reminded her easily-con-fused memory of the Captain. She remembered Captain Robert Coyle more clearly than might be expected, given that she had last set eyes on him more than a century ago, because she was always seeing little bits of him in her children and in her children’s children. This one’s appearance, that one’s walk, somebody’s voice, another’s abilities. The wonder was that she hadn’t thought she was seeing the man himself before now.
Well, if there was someone there, she should be polite and say something. “Hello, there, in the chair.”
He shifted, straightening slightly, smiled. “Hello, there, in the bed.”
A smart-alecky young relative. Good. Might even wake her up a little.
“Would you mind opening my blinds for me? I can’t tell if it’s day or night.”
He got up, limped across to the window and pulled the blind right up to the top. “It’s morning, Rosie. A bright, hot, sunny morning.”
Lord, he even sounded a little like the Captain. Probably would have moved like the Captain, too, if he wasn’t lame. Must be a recent injury. They’d fix it soon. He was well under 125 years old, still be covered by standard health care. Not left to his own resources, like she was. For the life of her, she couldn’t place him. Not only did she not remember his name, she wasn’t even sure which branch of the family he came from. Somebody’s guilty secret, maybe? No, though he seemed quite well-mannered, he hadn’t introduced himself. That meant he thought she ought to know who he was. Perhaps it would come to her if she gave herself more time.
Sunny. He’d said it was sunny.
“I never see the Sun from here, but my little patch of sky does look blue. I imagine it is a beautiful day.”
He came back to stand beside the bed. “Would you like to go outside? I can take you out in a chair.”
“No, thank you. Just getting from bed into a chair tires me right out. Can’t even go down the hall to have my hair done anymore.”
He sat again. “Maybe we should try to get you stronger.”
Rose shook her head. “Can’t be done. It’s my heart. After 146 years, it’s just had it.”
“Get a new heart.”
“I can’t afford a new heart. Anyway, a new heart would probably blow my old arteries wide open. No, I’m fine just as I am. Except for these ugly beige walls. I’ve always hated beige. One of the Lord’s last little jokes on me, sticking me twenty-four hours a day in a room with nothing but beige wils.”
“Move to a prettier room.”
“All the rooms here are beige. And I can’t afford any classier geriatric center than this one.”
“I can. Anything you want. Just tell me.” He leaned forward, reaching toward her across the bed. “Just tell me what you want.”
Rose frowned, peering closely at his face. He seemed eager, his eyes pinched with tension. Hanging over her like that, he made her feel uneasy.
“I pay my own way. Don’t want anybody giving me charity, even relatives.”
Now he frowned. “Relatives? Don’t you know who I am, my American Beauty?”
Rose’s heart lurched with anger. “How dare you call me that? I like a little wit in young people, but you’ve got no right to try to make a fool out of an old lady. You do favor the Captain, true enough, but I’m not so far gone I’m going to think you really are him, even if I was brought up knowing he’d survived the explosion that threw his ship toward the stars.” She was furious. “So he promised in that last message to come home if he could. So what? The odds against him were too long to take the promise seriously. As Mother did.”
Rose pulled herself up short.
She wasn’t really angry with the young relative. He’d somehow tapped into an old pain, loosed the anger she’d never been cruel enough to vent on her mother, never been able to vent on the faint-hearts who were truly responsible. All that power, the first true star drive, in the hands of bureaucrats who couldn’t think of anything better to do with it than tootle back and forth to Mars. All that power on too short a leash, an accident waiting to happen.
The man sat back, raising his hand to cover his eyes.
A dark suspicion came to Rose’s seething mind. “If you’re after my money, you’re wasting your time. I signed everything over to the Center when I came in. I can’t give you anything.”
“I don’t want your money, Rosie.” He sounded tired. “I have back pay coming.” He dropped his hand heavily into his lap.
His eyes were bright with tears. As Rose stared, a single tear spilled over the lower lid of his left eye, sliding down his cheek to hang trembling on his chin. His nose was red, too. He was truly crying. He must really need the money, to play out the charade so. Rose felt bad for him.
“There, now, don’t be upset. I don’t quite recall your name, but I can tell by looking that we’re related, with you favoring the Captain so. I’m sorry I can’t help you. There’s money in some of the younger branches, though. Maybe one of them can help.”
The tear fell as he sniffed. “They told me not to come. They don’t understand. All those hard years. Too late for Marina, but I hoped in time for you. I hoped.”
Marina. Rose’s mother. She’d hoped too hard. At the last, the hope that the Captain might come back had become the fear that he would come hurtling back, still young, to find her grown old with time that had never passed for him. The lover’s paradox, far worse than the twin paradox. Poor mother. And poor young man, with no hope at all but old Rose.
“I hoped too, but I didn’t hold my breath. I got on with my life. Only thing to do, really. It’s the same for you now.” A yawn crept out before she could stifle it.
“I’ve tired you. I’m sorry.” He stood, pushing the chair back against the wall. “I know we didn’t get off on the right foot, but I’d like to come again tomorrow, if I may.”
“If you promise no more silly games, you may come.”