• Your behavior becomes riskier and more intense
The Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous website has a forty-question self-assessment to determine whether you have the signs of sex and love addiction (www.slaafws.org/download/core-files/The_40_Questions_of_SLAA.pdf).
—From Kelly McDaniel, Ready to Heaclass="underline" Women Facing Love, Sex, and Relationship Addiction (Carefree, AZ: Gentle Path Press, 2008), 31–32.
WORKSHEETS AND EXERCISES
The following provides cognitive-behavioral approaches to build awareness about and to treat loose-girl behavior.
When a boy loves me, that means I am _______________.
When I don’t have a boy wanting me, I believe I am _______________.
When I am needy, I do _______________, and believe I am _______________.
Hold on to the first list set below, and after every encounter with a boy, rewrite a new list set based on what happened. Compare the lists to see what you want versus what you actually get.
When I engage sexually with a boy, I want most
1. for example, to believe I’m desirable
2.
3.
4.
5.
When I engage sexually with a boy, I actually get
1. for example, momentary physical attention
2.
3.
4.
5.
Use the following chart to track events that trigger loose-girl behavior:
With your therapist, review what you might have done differently in each situation.
Use the following chart to track thoughts that trigger loose-girl behavior:
With your therapist, determine how your false beliefs set off loose-girl behavior and how you might better deal with those damaging thoughts.
RESOURCES
Go Ask Alice! is the health-related Q&A Internet resource provided through Columbia University’s Health Services. It aims to provide “reliable, accurate, accessible, culturally competent information and a range of thoughtful perspectives so that they can make responsible decisions concerning their health and well-being.”
The site gURL.com is for teenage girls. It includes honest content about sexuality and sexual health, including advice from other teens and stores of information about various sex topics. The site has a membership option so girls can give their own advice and talk to one another on the “Shout Out” boards.
The Midwest Teen Sex Show is a video show about teen sexuality. These guys are comedians, and they are hilarious, but they also provide accurate, thoughtful, and useful information to teenagers in an entertaining manner, all through episodes you can watch on the site.
Planned Parenthood is well known internationally as a frank, accessible provider of reproductive health care, women’s health information, and sex education. A section of the Planned Parenthood website is devoted to teen sexual health and information.
Scarleteen: Sex Ed for the Real World is a grassroots site working to provide sexuality education and support. Heather Corinna, the proprietor, regularly provides blogs about useful examinations of recent studies, news events, and more. There is also a message board and referral service, and the site provides teen outreach and staff training through the program CONNECT.
Sex Etc.: Sex Education by Teens for Teens has a mission to “improve teen sexual health across the country.” The website is chock-full of useful information, from a glossary of sex terms to weekly live chats with experts and opportunities for teens to create their own profile and blog.
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is similar to twelve-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous in that it is based in religion and service to God. The site lists meetings and numerous resources, including a “test” to determine whether you likely qualify as a sex and/or love addict. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous does not provide services for minors. Some cities have meetings for adolescents, but they are not common.
www.whatcontraceptiveareyou.com.au/compare-contraception-options
Condoms are the only contraception that provides protection against both pregnancy and STDs. But this Australian website offers an interesting breakdown of the various other contraceptive devices available. The chart includes what each contraceptive is, how long it lasts, how it works, and what to consider. The site also has a survey to discover which type of contraception works best with your lifestyle.
SELECT BOOKS ABOUT SEX AND RELATIONSHIPS FOR TEENS
Michael J. Basso. The Underground Guide to Teenage Sexuality, 2nd ed. (Minneapolis: Fairview Press, 2003).
This is a basic but informative, fact-based question-and-answer guide for boys and girls about sexual development.
Ruth Bell. Changing Bodies, Changing Lives: A Book for Teens on Sex and Relationships, 3rd ed. (New York: Three Rivers Press, 1998).
From the original Our Bodies, Ourselves, here is comprehensive information for boys and girls about sexuality, including quotes, poems, and writings from teenagers.
Kerry Cohen. Loose Girclass="underline" A Memoir of Promiscuity (New York: Hyperion, 2008).
The author’s memoir about her struggle with the need for male attention.
Heather Corinna. S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get through High School and College, Illustrated ed. (New York: De Capo Press, 2007).
Corinna, owner of the website www.scarleteen.com, provides every possible aspect of sex education to her readers in a unique, upbeat, provocative style.
Kelly Huegel. GLBTQ: The Survival Guide for Queer and Questioning Teens (Minneapolis: Free Spirit Publishing, 2003).
This book covers everything there is to know for queer teens or teens who are questioning their sexual orientation.
SELECT BOOKS ABOUT TEENAGERS AND SEX FOR PARENTS
Ellen Bass and Kate Kaufman. Free Your Mind: The Book for Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Youth and Their Allies (New York: Harper Perennial, 1996).
This book is about sexual orientation and intended for youths, but it is also useful for adults who need to know.
Dominic Cappello and Pepper Schwartz. Ten Talks Parents Must Have with Their Children about Sex and Character (New York: Hyperion, 2000).