‘I put everything on hold,’ I said. ‘Indefinitely. My home…my career…my life and it was all for nothing.’
‘I don’t know,’ she said, with a sad smile. ‘It does seem to have knocked off your rough edges, if you don’t mind my saying so.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning you seem more grown-up now…more responsible.’
‘It’s been eight fucking years, Aimee.’ I shook my head. ‘I am more grown-up.’
‘Okay,’ she said, holding up her hands as if in surrender. ‘You seem less self-centred. Is that better?’
‘Self-centred?’ I moved back away from her. ‘You fuck off to God knows where, you let me think you’re dead. I spend the next eight years doing penance, while you swan around every fucking state in America. And I’m self-centred?’
She didn’t speak for a moment. When she did, it was in such a small voice that I could barely make out her words. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I did what I had to do.’
I just shook my head again. It was almost more frustrating now, seeing her and still being none the wiser. ‘Okay,’ I said. ‘Are you hungry?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘Look, Nat. I really should be getting back.’
‘I’ll ring Stephens,’ I said.
‘No, really. It’s not far.’
‘Then, I’ll walk with you.’
‘You needn’t, Nat,’ she started to walk faster. ‘I’m quite okay.’
‘I’ll see you home,’ I said. ‘If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed about me, it’s that I’m still a gentleman.’
She turned back and gave me another sad smile. ‘You are,’ she said. ‘It’s good to see you.’
I walked her up to a house in Kensington. It reminded me of Charlotte’s place in Eaton Square, which just added to the ominous way I’d been feeling ever since I’d left the police station. ‘Nice address,’ I said, watching her walk up the path.
‘It’s not mine,’ she said over her shoulder.
As she reached the front door, it swung open and a child ran out. It was a girl, strikingly pretty with long blonde hair and dark blue eyes. A girl of about seven or eight.
Aimee’s reaction was immediate. She looked back at me over her shoulder, her eyes wide with alarm, before hustling the child back indoors as quickly as she could.
It wasn’t quick enough. I’d seen all I needed. I knew those eyes. I should do – I saw them in the mirror every morning.
‘Aimee!’ I called after her. ‘Aimee!’
She didn’t reply. She only threw me an anguished look and slammed the door without as much as a goodbye.
I stood there for a while, looking at the house, before turning tail and heading home with more questions than answers.
Forty Four
Her
He rang me at just after four.
I’d spent the afternoon sourcing the tiles to have Liv’s fireplace mended. I knew I’d left it too long and it gave me something to take my mind off Nat. It’d taken a few hours, but I’d finally found a reclamation yard online with the right ones.
Since I’d finished that, I’d been pacing the living room floor, wondering what the hell was going on, and how the sudden appearance of Aimee Maitland was going to affect my relationship with the Filth Monger. I had a feeling it was bound to – after all, hadn’t he said that she was the motivation behind everything he did? I couldn’t help feeling jealous. The fact that she looked so like me didn’t help, either. Why would he content himself with the cheap imitation, now that the real deal was back on the scene?
I was so strung out that, when the phone finally rang, I jumped physically and answered it, my heart racing.
‘I’m so sorry about earlier, Angel.’ He sounded subdued. ‘It’s been quite a day.’
‘It has,’ I said. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘I guess.’ He hesitated for a moment, before continuing. ‘There’s a few things I need to sort out.’
‘Oh.’ I took a deep breath. ‘Are you calling it off?’
‘What?’ He sounded confused. ‘Calling what off?’
‘Between us.’ Now I’d voiced my fear, I couldn’t shut up. ‘I don’t mind a bit, if so. I quite understand. I mean…’
‘Hey.’ He interrupted me, with an incredulous laugh. ‘Now, wait a minute.’
I didn’t speak. I couldn’t – the lump in my throat was too large and I knew if I said anymore, I’d break down completely.
‘Angel,’ he said, after a pause. ‘Nothing’s changed. It’s us, remember? Christ, what made you think...’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I just thought…’
‘Have you been stewing on this all afternoon?’ He gave an impatient sigh. ‘That woman – DI Brown – she’ll be the death of me. She won’t give up until she’s got something on me. And you’re the one that’s suffered. How can I make it up to you?’
I don’t know what made me say it. Maybe it was some desperate desire to please him, or maybe it was because I’d found myself keep thinking about it ever since he’d mentioned it, but I just blurted it out. ‘You could use me at Dominion – on the cross.’
He didn’t speak for a moment. I think I’d truly shocked him. When he did, I could almost see him raising his eyebrows. ‘Fuck me, Angel,’ he said. ‘You never fail to surprise me. Are you sure?’
‘Yes,’ I said, sounding more definite than I felt. ‘I’m quite sure.’
‘Okay.’ He still sounded doubtful. ‘I’ll have Stephens bring an outfit when he comes to pick you up. He’ll wait for you. Do you have a long coat?’
‘Yes,’ I said. I had the perfect coat for his purposes.
‘Excellent. I’ll wait for you outside the club. Stephens will bring you around the back way. I’ll see you tonight.’
‘Okay.’
‘Good, and Angel?’
‘Yes, Sir?’
‘I love you.’
‘I love you too, Sir.’
‘That’s my girl.’
I put the phone down and turned to go and find my coat, and that was when I realised. It was in my wardrobe at the flat I’d shared with Leo. I wondered briefly if I could borrow a coat from Liv, but then I’d have had to explain why I needed it and I wasn’t quite ready to share the fact that I was going to be publicly used.
Anyway, the coat I had in mind was absolutely perfect. I could’ve gone to the shops and hoped to find a similar one, but time wasn’t on my side and I might end up with none at all. I headed out onto Chiswick High Road and flagged down a cab.
When I knocked at the door of our flat, there was no answer. I opened the front door, calling out as I entered, but there was still no response. The place was cleaner this time, anyway, and tidier. It looked as if Leo had taken my words to heart and was trying to sort himself out.
Trembling slightly with nerves, I headed upstairs and into our bedroom. It felt strange being back here, the linen sheets of our bed still rumpled on one side where Leo had obviously lain alone. I felt a sudden pang of guilt. I’d been stringing him along with my promises of trying again. It wasn’t fair.
I threw open the wardrobe and rummaged through, trying to find the coat I needed. Just as I found it, I heard a noise behind me. I turned to find Leo, standing in the doorway, a towel round his waist.
‘What is this?’ He looked more puzzled than angry. ‘I was in the bath.’
‘I…I thought you were out,’ I said, dropping my hand from the coat. ‘I just came to collect a few things.’
‘Collect…?’ His voice trailed off and his eyes widened in horror. He shook his head. ‘No, Grace. This wasn’t what we agreed.’
‘I just need my coat.’ I turned to the wardrobe and took the coat from its hanger.
‘Your coat?’ He shook his head again. ‘What for? It’s the middle of summer.’
I didn’t speak.
‘Well?’ He advanced upon me. ‘What do you need your coat for?’
‘I’m…going out.’ I pushed past him and headed back towards the stairs.
‘Where?’ He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him. ‘Who with? Another man?’
‘It’s none of your business.’ I pulled my arm away from him and turned to go.