Teri went to the bathroom.
Phil paced around the coffee table a few times.
“Damn.”
He ran outside before he could think too much about this.
“I know you’re out here!” he shouted. “I know you’re watching! Show yourself!”
A red spotted pigeon with blue eyes settled on the uprooted tree on Phil’s lawn.
“No need to shout,” the bird said with Gorgoz’s voice. “So have you come to a decision?”
“It’s a deal,” Phil said, “but only for me.”
The pigeon cackled. “Lovely. Selling out your friends to spare yourself. How delightfully self-serving. You’ll go far in my organization.”
“No,” said Phil. “You take me, but you leave them out of this. You leave them alone, never bother them again.”
The pigeon cocked its head and fluffed up its breast. “You dare dictate terms to me?”
“None of this is their fault. This is all because of me. We wouldn’t even know Lucky if I hadn’t brought this up in the first place. I started this. I have to finish it.”
“How noble.” The pigeon took a moment to preen its wings. “You’re an eager and shortsighted mortal, Mr. Robinson. I like that in a follower.”
Phil glanced at the front door. He couldn’t have much time left.
“Do we have a deal then?” asked Phil.
Teri opened the front door. “What are you doing out here?”
“Do we have a deal?”
The pigeon chuckled. “We have a deal.”
A tremor shook the earth as the pigeon grew into a giant bat.
“Oh no,” said Teri. “What did you do, Phil? What did you do, you idiot?”
The bat folded its wings around Phil.
“Everything will be okay now,” said Phil.
“You son of a bitch,” she said. “Don’t you dare pull that noble sacrifice bullshit!”
The bat launched itself into the sky, leaving the cold chuckle of Gorgoz hanging over the backyard for a long time.
23
By the time Lucky and Quick managed to navigate their way out of the collective unconscious, it was early morning. They floated in Lucky’s globe of flying light and landed on the front porch of Phil and Teri’s house. Neither god remarked on the destruction in the neighborhood or the dirty looks the mortals threw their way.
“Hey, kids,” said Lucky as he threw open the door. “Great news! I think we finally have a handle on this thing.”
The living room was in disarray. Several boxes had been brought in and torn open, their contents spilled across the floor. Old photos and random scraps of paper, stuffed animals, and other odds and ends occupied most of the space around the couch and coffee table.
Teri was curled up on the couch, snoring.
“Has she been drinking?” asked Quick.
Lucky righted the bottle of scotch tipped over on the coffee table. Half the scotch was spilled in a puddle on the carpet.
“Teri, Teri.” Lucky shook her gently. “Wake up. It’s okay now. I’m back.”
She opened her eyes halfway and dimly focused on him.
“This is all your fault,” she mumbled.
“I know, and I’m going to fix it.”
She laughed uncontrollably. “Fix it? Fix it! You can’t fix anything!” Her laughter turned desperate, almost delirious, as tears ran down her face. “You’re the god of prosperity. How could you have screwed it all up so completely?”
“I know you’re upset but there’s no need to get personal.”
“He’s gone! Phil’s gone! And it’s all your fault!”
She pushed Lucky away and turned her back to him.
“Go away. You can’t do anything else to us.”
“I’m sure he’ll come back,” said Lucky. “Mortals can be rash, but I’m sure he’ll realize how much he loves you.”
Quick shoved Lucky aside. “Geez, you are an insensitive idiot sometimes.”
“I was trying to be comforting.”
“You really don’t know these people at all. Phil isn’t the kind of guy to run off like this. He’s not that selfish. He’s also not that stupid. He knows that wherever he runs, Gorgoz would still find him.”
“He took the deal,” said Teri, mumbling into the sofa cushions. “That goddamn moron took Gorgoz’s deal. I should’ve known.” She rolled over and stared at the ceiling. “He always was a sexist bastard, opening doors and paying for dates. That should’ve been my first clue. I bet he couldn’t wait to do his alpha male protector bit when he finally had the chance. What does he think I am? A helpless princess who can’t fend for herself? It’s insulting.”
“I’m sure he meant well,” said Lucky.
“What an asshole,” she grumbled.
“Who?” asked Lucky. “Me or Phil?”
“Maybe you should get something to eat,” said Quick, “while Teri and I sort through the details.”
“I’m not really hungry.”
Quick made a sharp pointing gesture toward the kitchen.
“Fine. I guess I could eat a sandwich. Hey, Teri, we don’t have any bologna, do we?”
Quick repeated the gesture.
“Never mind. I’m sure I’ll find something,” Lucky mumbled as he left the room. “Like not answering a simple bologna question will bring back Phil. I swear, these mortals are so egocentric.”
“Want to talk about it?” asked Quick.
“What’s left to talk about?” She sat up and made a feeble effort to fix her frazzled hair. “And why would I want to talk to you about it? You’re just as bad as any of them.”
“Maybe.” He coiled beside her and put a wing around her shoulder. “I’m not perfect. None of us are. All we can do is try, right? And hope we don’t screw things up too badly.”
“Why bother? If it’s all going to go wrong anyway, why even try?” She grabbed the scotch bottle and swirled the little bit that was left before drinking.
She leaned into Quick. He wrapped his feathers around her. “Where did you find that?”
“Cupboard. Didn’t even know it was in there.” She laughed bitterly. “Lucky break, huh?”
“Maybe we try because what’s the point in not trying? Just sitting around, thinking about ourselves all the time, it doesn’t work out either. Trust me. I learned that the hard way. So if we’re going to screw it up, we might as well screw it up with good intentions rather than bad.”
She cried in the serpent god’s embrace. Her tears glittered off his rainbow scales.
“Want some coffee?” he asked.
“I don’t want anything.”
“A little caffeine in the morning never hurt anybody. Maybe we’ll get some eggs going, too.” Quick called to the kitchen. “Lucky, could you make us some coffee?”
When there was no response, Quick excused himself to check on Lucky.
The kitchen was empty. The back door was open. Lucky was nowhere to be seen.
“Damn it, Lucky.”
Quick closed the door, turned on the coffeemaker, and started making breakfast.
“Hey, baby,” said Lucky with a smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hands. “I’m back.”
She took the flowers. They were the cheap kind, found in discount drugstores everywhere. But it was the thought that counted, she supposed.
“No hug?” he asked.
“Sorry.”
They shared a brief embrace. He stood there a moment, waiting for her to invite him in.
“So…” he said.
She apologized again, stepping aside.
“Great news, babe. Gorgoz is handled, so no more worries there.”
She perked up. “Really?”
“Yep. You’re free and clear.”
Janet scooped him up in her arms and squeezed him close. “Oh, Lucky, I’m so glad to hear that. You have no idea how worried we were.”
“Why worry? I am the god of good fortune. Things always work out for me. And my special lady.”
She hugged him tight. “This is wonderful news. Have you told Phil and Teri yet?”
“They already know.”
“That’s terrific.” She whirled around in a dance across the room.
“I was thinking, babe,” said Lucky. “We should take a vacation. Go somewhere nice. Ever been to Tahiti?”