My breath catches. I knew that the station and the Room don’t belong. I hadn’t allowed myself to make the mental comparison to the Dignity Vessel.
“You think it’s related to the Dignity Vessel?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I say. “There’s always a chance. But I worry about preconceptions.”
“Yeah,” he says dryly. “I remember that about you.”
The words sting.
“I might be wrong,” I say. “Preconceptions might be necessary. I don’t know. I just know I’m going to do this job as if it’s a dive, and I want the best team possible.”
“You realize the chances of someone dying on this trip are very high,” he says.
“Yes.” I swallow. That someone will probably be me.
He sighs. He’s clearly thinking about the offer. We haven’t talked money yet. I doubt money will mean much to him.
“What do you get out of this?” he asks. “Reconciliation with your father?”
I shake my head. “I want nothing from him.”
“Yet you bring him along. That could compromise us right there.”
I like the word “us.” I didn’t expect it. But I don’t show him that I’ve noticed.
“I know it could,” I say. “I’ll need help minimizing contact with him.”
“And your mother.” He shakes his head. “This is fraught with emotion. You taught me that dives should have no emotion.”
And yet our last dive was filled with it.
“I know,” I say.
“If I go,” he says, “I run the mission.”
My entire body freezes. “How can it be my mission if you run it?”
“The dives,” he says. “Anything to do with the Room. If I say we pull out, we pull out. If I say we leave someone behind, we leave them.”
I bite my lower lip. I’m barely breathing.
“C’mon, Boss,” he says. “You know that’s why you’re asking me to go. I’m the only one qualified, and the only one you’ll listen to. You know that when I say we have to leave, I’ll be right.”
I let out the breath I was holding. Part of me has relaxed. He is right. That’s why I chose to approach him. Because of our history. Because I know he’s more cautious than I am, and because he has nothing at stake.
Except proving to me that I can be wrong.
“No grudges?” I ask.
He smiles for the first time. It’s a sad smile. “I’ve lost two divers in the years since the Dignity Vessel. I don’t know if I would have made the mistakes you made, but I’ve made some of my own. I think I’m finally beginning to understand you. So, no grudges. I’ll do what’s best for the mission, not what’s best for Riya Trekov or your father. Or for you.”
I nod. “You haven’t even asked about money.”
“I know you’ll be fair,” he says. Then his smile grows. “And I’ve always wanted to see the Room. The most mysterious place in this sector. I say let’s go.”
Maybe that’s why such places catch and kill so many. Because they capture the imagination. Certainly that’s why so many stories spring up around them.
And so many myths.
With Karl at my side, I do even more work. We sort through the repeated histories, and try to find the sources of various legends. We trace the Room in the modern era as best we can, and we ghoulishly make a list of all the souls known to have been lost in the place.
There are more than five hundred—and that’s just recorded losses. Who knows how many others there were? No one has kept track of the abandoned single ships found near the station or people on a pilgrimage all on their own.
In passing, I say to Karl that what we’ve learned isn’t worth the time we’ve spent. And he says what we’ve learned is that there are no odd recorded stories, things that don’t quite fit into the other stories.
Maybe there’s even a recognizable pattern. There certainly is to the losses. What happened to my father and his crew is the same as what happened to the very first ship that discovered the place, centuries ago.
“The same,” I say, “except me coming out of that Room.”
“Except that,” Karl says.
In the end, we put together a team of ten, not counting me or Karl or Riya or my father.
Karl will lead the mission once we arrive at the station. Until then, I am in charge. I’ll be in charge again when we leave the station as well. It’s only when we’re docked—when we’re near the Room—that Karl will have control.
We use the Business. It has never been so full—at least not as long as I owned it. My father has the captain’s cabin, which assuages my conscience. I’ve cut him off from all command and all control, which has to be difficult for him. So I reward him with the best quarters on the ship.
Riya has the third-best cabin. Mine is second best, and with its dedicated hardwired computer, I don’t want anyone near it.
The dive team has the rest of the main deck, and Karl has the only room on the upper deck. It has the best views, and is impressive, should anyone visit him. I want him to look powerful and in charge, even before he is.
Some—including my father—believe that I placed Karl in charge of the mission at the station because Karl and I are lovers. The dive team knows differently—it’s no secret in the diving community how angry Karl was with me after the events with the Dignity Vessel—but they’re under orders not to correct that misperception.
Karl helped me vet the dive team: two women who’d been on some of his previous dives, an old-timer who has more experience than me and Karl combined, three superb and fearless pilots, three young men hired more for their strength than their diving ability, and a woman who had accompanied me on my earliest professional dives.
I have decided to treat this as a real dive, which means that we are focusing on the station, not just the Room. From everything that Karl and I have found, it seems people who have gone to the station have gone for the Room—or only spent time in the Room.
No one has given the habitats more than a cursory examination, not even the scholars. In fact, the scholars have mostly relied on the discovery of others, being too afraid to examine things themselves.
On the first day out, I brief the dive team about our mission. We meet in the lounge. The Business’s lounge is not for recreation. I still keep all of my playback and analysis equipment here. Since the Dignity dive, I have bought comfortable chairs as well as two sofas, but they’re arranged in an uncomfortable pattern—a semicircle facing the various screens and portholes.
Nine members of the dive team are here, as well as myself and Karl. I have banned Riya and my father from attending any meetings about the upcoming dives. The missing member of the team is the pilot who is currently flying the ship.
The team spreads around the lounge, trying to look casual, but I recognize the emotions here. Everyone is excited. The work is what they live for…..it’s what I used to live for—and when they’re approaching something new, it’s thrilling, not frightening.
I haven’t felt the thrill yet. I haven’t felt fear either, which I consider a victory. What I am feeling is nervous. I have no idea how any of this will play out.
I’m not sure how I want it to.
Still, I try to maintain an upbeat attitude, like I used to do when I started dangerous dive missions in the past. I walk in front of the screens, looking every member of the team in the eye as I speak.
I am not as honest with them as I was with Karl. I do mention problems—my father, the loss of my mother to the Room, which is why Karl will lead once we get to the station—but I do not mention my own reservations.
Instead, I talk about the history.