The Doctor, The Curse of the Black Spot
According to the Sixth Doctor, the TARDIS is capable of many amazing things, much like himself. Unfortunately, it’s not the most reliable of machines. Here’s our checklist of essential TARDIS systems, equipment, their reliability and the story in which they are first used or mentioned. Of course, this is in no way an exhaustive list. How could it be in a craft with no limits?
KEY:
0 = Absolute rubbish
Atom Accelerator – Helps steer a TARDIS. (The Curse of the Black Spot) Reliability Rating:
Audio Log – A voice-recorder to chronicle your journeys – handy if there’s no one else to talk to. (Planet of the Daleks) Reliability Rating:
Blue Stabilisers – Stabilise TARDIS interior dimensions while in flight. (The Time of Angels) Reliability Rating: 0
Central Console – The TARDIS’s six-sided control console, meant to be operated by six pilots. Each of the sides of the latest version, first seen in The Snowmen, has a different function: time co-ordination, communications, information centre, power control and helm, power setting and cerebral connection. Reliability Rating:
Chameleon Arch – Capable of rewriting DNA so you become a completely different species. Can also store your memories in a rather fetching fob watch – don’t open it if you want to keep your identity a secret! (Human Nature) Reliability Rating:
Chameleon Circuit – Allows TARDIS to blend in with any environment. (An Unearthly Child) Reliability Rating: 0
Cloister Bell – Warns of imminent – and catastrophic – danger. (Logopolis) Reliability Rating:
Comparator – An essential component of the TARDIS flight mechanism. (Planet of Fire) Reliability Rating:
Central / Time Column – Rises and falls as the TARDIS flies due to the power thrust of the heart of the machine that lies beneath it. If the column ever came out, the power would escape. (The Edge of Destruction) Reliability Rating:
Data Bank / Core – The TARDIS’s own version of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Contains 18,348 emergency procedures. (State of Decay) Reliability Rating:
Dematerialisation Circuit – Allows the TARDIS to enter the Time Vortex. (Terror of the Autons) Reliability Rating:
Dimensional Control – Controls the TARDIS’s dimensional transcendence. (The Time Meddler) Reliability Rating:
Dimensional Stabiliser – Regulates internal dimensions. Can be used to alter size of passengers. (The Invisible Enemy) Reliability Rating:
Directional Unit – Regulates TARDIS navigation systems. (The Daleks’ Master Plan) Reliability Rating:
Emergency Oxygen Supply – Only useful if you actually remember to keep the tanks full! (Planet of the Daleks) Reliability Rating
Emergency Programme One – Returns companions to their home in times of absolute danger. Can be programmed to activate after a certain time limit. (The Parting of the Ways) Reliability Rating:
Emergency Unit – Moves the TARDIS out of normal space-time in times of catastrophe. (The Mind Robber) Reliability Rating:
The Eye of Harmony – The TARDIS’s primary power source. Do not open! (Doctor Who) Reliability Rating:
Fast Return Switch – Pressing the switch returns the TARDIS to a previous location. Unless it gets stuck, in which it’ll send you hurtling back to the birth of a solar system. (The Edge of Destruction) Reliability Rating:
Fault Locator – Detects malfunctions in TARDIS systems. (The Daleks) Reliability Rating:
Fluid Link – Small glass tubes containing mercury. Essential for TARDIS operation, but liable to get knocked out of place or explode. (The Daleks) Reliability Rating:
Food Machine – Decide what you want to eat, check the codes in the manual, turn the dials and the food machine produces foil-wrapped cubes that taste exactly like your choices. (The Daleks) Reliability Rating:
Force Field Generator / Defence Field – Protects the TARDIS from attack. (The Three Doctors) Reliability Rating:
Gravitic Anomaliser – Helpful when patching up Skonnon spaceship engines. (The Horns of Nimon) Reliability Rating:
Handbrake – The TARDIS anchor. Leaving it on can cause a terrible wheezing, groaning sound. (Doctor Who) Reliability Rating:
Heart of the TARDIS – Located in the base of the console, contains link to the Vortex plus Huon particles. (Terminus) Reliability Rating:
Helmic Regulator – Helps the TARDIS navigate to a specific point. (The Ark in Space) Reliability Rating:
Hostile Action Displacement System (HADS) – Automatically removes the TARDIS from danger – just remember to set it. (The Krotons) Reliability Rating:
Magnetic Chair – Generates a force field strong enough to restrain a herd of elephants. (The Daleks’ Master Plan) Reliability Rating:
Matrix – A databank, but in the case of the TARDIS it contains much more than just raw data. (The Doctor’s Wife) Reliability Rating:
Multi-Loop Stabiliser – Unnecessary, in the Doctor’s view, but essential to achieving smooth materialisations. (The Pirate Planet) Reliability Rating:
Outer Plasmic Shell – The ‘skin’ of the TARDIS manipulated by the chameleon circuit to change its outward appearance. (Logopolis) Reliability Rating:
Radiation Detector – Measures radiation levels outside the TARDIS exterior. (The Daleks) Reliability Rating:
Randomiser – Randomly selects destinations. Useful for evading powerful cosmic entities. (The Armageddon Factor) Reliability Rating:
Recall Circuit – Can forcibly return a TARDIS to Gallifrey. (Arc of Infinity) Reliability Rating:
Scanner – Allows the TARDIS crew to observe what’s happening outside the ship (An Unearthly Child) Reliability Rating:
Telepathic Circuits – Allows telepathic contact between different TARDISes as well as Gallifrey. (The Time Monster) Reliability Rating: