“I think so myself. Well, what then. We’ll fight. It’s not necessarily the end for everybody. Let’s see how others do.”
“They say we’ll be without firewood, without water, without light. Money will be abolished. There will be no supplies. And again we’ve stopped. Come on. Listen. They praise the flat cast-iron stoves from a workshop on the Arbat. You can cook supper on a fire of newspapers. I’ve got the address. We should buy one before they’re all snapped up.”
“Right. Let’s buy one. Smart girl, Tonya! But Uncle Kolya, Uncle Kolya! Just think! I can’t get over it!”
“Here is my plan. We’ll choose some out-of-the-way corner upstairs and live there with papa, Sashenka, and Nyusha, say in two or three rooms, connecting, of course, somewhere at the end of the floor, and give up the rest of the house completely. Close ourselves in, as if from the street. We’ll put one of those cast-iron stoves in the middle room, with a pipe through the window. The laundry, the cooking, dinners, receiving guests, will all be done there, to justify the heating, and, who knows, maybe, God willing, we’ll survive the winter.”
“What else? Of course we’ll survive. Beyond any doubt. You’ve thought it out excellently. Good girl. And you know what? Let’s celebrate our acceptance of your plan. We’ll roast my duck and invite Uncle Kolya to the housewarming.”
“Splendid. And I’ll ask Gordon to bring some alcohol. He gets it from some laboratory. And now look. Here’s the room I was talking about. Here’s what I’ve chosen. Do you approve? Put the suitcase down and go back for the wicker hamper. Besides uncle and Gordon, we can also invite Innokenty and Shura Schlesinger. You don’t object? You haven’t forgotten where our bathroom is? Spray yourself with something disinfecting. And I’ll go to Sashenka, send Nyusha downstairs, and when I can, I’ll call you.”
3
The main news for him in Moscow was this boy. Sashenka had only just been born when Yuri Andreevich was called up. What did he know about his son?
Once, when he was already mobilized, Yuri Andreevich came to the clinic to visit Tonya before his departure. He came at the moment when the babies were being fed. They would not let him see her.
He sat down to wait in the anteroom. Just then the far-off children’s corridor, which went at right angles to the delivery corridor, and along which the mothers’ rooms were located, was filled with a weeping chorus of ten or fifteen infant voices, and the nurses, so as not to expose the swaddled newborn babies to the cold, hurriedly began carrying them under their arms, two at a time, like big shopping parcels, to their mothers to be fed.
“Wah, wah,” the babies squealed on one note, almost without feeling, as if performing a duty, and only one voice stood out from this unison. The infant also cried “wah, wah,” and also without a trace of suffering, but, as it seemed, not by obligation, but with some sort of bass-voiced, deliberate, sullen hostility.
Yuri Andreevich had already decided then to call his son Alexander, in honor of his father-in-law. For no apparent reason he imagined that it was his boy who was crying like that, because it was a weeping with a physiognomy, already containing the future character and destiny of the person, a weeping with a tone color that included in itself the name of the boy, the name Alexander, as Yuri Andreevich imagined.
Yuri Andreevich was not mistaken. As it turned out later, that had indeed been Sashenka crying. That was the first thing he knew about his son.
His next acquaintance with him Yuri Andreevich drew from photographs, in letters sent to him at the front. In them a merry, chubby, pretty boy with a big head and pursed lips stood bowlegged on a spread-out blanket and, raising both arms, seemed to be doing a squatting dance. He was one year old then, he was learning to walk; now he was almost two and was beginning to talk.
Yuri Andreevich picked the suitcase up from the floor, undid the straps, and laid it on a card table by the window. What room was this before? The doctor did not recognize it. Tonya must have taken the furniture out or hung some new wallpaper in it.
The doctor opened the suitcase in order to take out his shaving kit. A bright full moon appeared between the columns of the church bell tower that rose up just opposite the window. When its light fell into the suitcase on the linen, books, and toilet articles lying on top, the room lit up somehow differently, and the doctor recognized it.
It was a vacated storeroom of the late Anna Ivanovna. In former times, she used to pile broken tables and chairs and unnecessary old waste paper in it. Here was her family archive; here, too, were the trunks in which winter things were put away for the summer. When the late woman was alive, every corner of the room was heaped up to the ceiling, and ordinarily no one was allowed into it. But for big holidays, on days of crowded children’s gatherings, when they were allowed to horse around and run all over the upper floor, this room, too, was unlocked, and they played robbers in it, hid under the tables, painted their faces with burnt cork, and dressed up in costumes.
For some time the doctor stood recalling all this, and then he went down to the entryway for the wicker hamper he had left there.
Downstairs in the kitchen, Nyusha, a timid and bashful girl, squatting down, was plucking the duck over a spread-out newspaper in front of the stove. At the sight of Yuri Andreevich with a heavy thing in his hands, she turned bright red, straightened up in a supple movement, shaking off the feathers stuck to her apron, and, having greeted him, offered her help. But the doctor thanked her and said he would carry the hamper himself.
He had just entered Anna Ivanovna’s former storeroom, when, from two or three rooms away, his wife called to him:
“You can come, Yura!”
He went to Sashenka.
The present nursery was situated in his and Tonya’s former schoolroom. The boy in the little bed turned out to be not at all as pretty as the photos portrayed him, but on the other hand he was the very image of Yuri Andreevich’s mother, the late Marya Nikolaevna Zhivago, a striking copy of her, resembling her more than any of the surviving portraits.
“This is papa, this is your papa, wave to papa,” Antonina Alexandrovna kept saying, as she lowered the side of the bed so that the father could more easily embrace the boy and pick him up.
Sashenka allowed the unfamiliar and unshaven man, who probably frightened and repelled him, to come close, and when he bent down, abruptly stood up, clutched his mother’s blouse, swung and angrily slapped him in the face. His own boldness so terrified Sashenka that he immediately threw himself onto his mother’s breast, buried his face in her dress, and burst into bitter, inconsolable child’s tears.
“Pooh, pooh,” Antonina Alexandrovna chided him. “You mustn’t do that, Sashenka. Papa will think Sasha bad, Sasha no-no. Show papa how you kiss. Kiss him. Don’t cry, you mustn’t cry, what is it, silly?”
“Leave him alone, Tonya,” the doctor asked. “Don’t torment him, and don’t be upset yourself. I know what kind of foolishness gets into your head. That it’s not by chance, that it’s a bad sign. It’s all such nonsense. And so natural. The boy’s never seen me. Tomorrow he’ll get used to me, there’ll be no tearing him away from me.”
But he himself left the room quite downcast, with a sense of foreboding.
4
In the course of the next few days it became clear how alone he was. He did not blame anyone for that. Evidently he himself had wanted it and achieved it.
His friends had become strangely dull and colorless. None of them had held on to his own world, his own opinion. They were much brighter in his memories. Apparently he had overestimated them earlier.