Then they got to throwing names back and forth at each other like "dinky-dick" and "tunnel-twat" but all in fun, and they wound up like they always did, wrestling around and goosing and grabbing the shit out of each other on the back seat. I happened to be driving and eating a chicken leg at the time or I would have been in on it too.
But that's what got us started thinking and talking about animal-fucking in the first place. After awhile when they'd got tired of wrestling, Bessie said, "I wonder if anybody ever really did do it with a horse?"
"Are you kidding?" Pedro says. "Didn't you ever hear of people making it with animals? They fuck with dogs, cows, sheep — even chickens."
"Oh, you're kidding," she said.
"Ask Jack," Pedro said. "He's an old country boy. I bet he's plugged more'n one sheep in his career."
"I told them that sheep fucking isn't worth a shit, despite what you hear. A half-grown she-calf will give you a hell of a lot better squeeze-off any day in the week." I was only telling them what I'd heard from some of my boyhood buddies actually. I hadn't ever really tried it myself and didn't have any present intentions of starting. I had seen other kids do it a couple of times. It's pretty common sport around the farm country after all. It's just that the idea never appealed to me all that much.
But a little while after that we passed by a field full of cows and Bessie yells out, "Hey, let's fuck a cow. I gotta see this with my own eyes before I believe it."
And Pedro says, "Yeah, Jack. What about it? Show us how it's done and we'll all try it." He was at the wheel then, and he pulled off the highway onto a dirt side road that ran up alongside the field.
"Hey, come on, man," I said. "You gotta be kidding. Right out here by the road?"
He said, "Once we're over this hill we're out of sight. There's more cows down by those trees. Nobody can see us there from the road. We'll pick out one with a sexy ass and take her in under the trees out of sight."
"Oooooh, groovy — groovy," Bessie is saying. "I can't wait to see this."
Pedro says, "Is that all you're gonna do is watch?"
She laughed and said, "What do you want me to do? Eat the cow's pussy? I wouldn't want to turn the poor animal into a lesbian."
"Maybe there'll be a bull for you," Pedro said. "He'd give you a fuck to remember."
Bessie said, "The old Romans used to screw with bulls, didn't they? I heard that somewhere."
"You don't have to go back that far," I told her. "There are still women doing it today, believe it or not. Bulls — horses — you name it."
"No thanks," she said. "I have enough trouble taking on you guys with your big fucking elephant pricks. I'll try it with a cute little calf maybe if there is one, but bulls are out — period."
I happened to recall a bit of history just then that I thought might interest her. "There was an old Greek King way way back in Argos who had a couple of beautiful daughters who went off into the fields and lived naked with the cows and screwed with the bulls, according to ancient history."
"What the hell were they trying to prove?" Bessie said.
"The book didn't say. Maybe they were just trying to get their names in the ancient history book."
Pedro said, "Maybe the bulls tore their clothes off and raped them, that happens quite a lot with bulls." He pulled the car in off the road and onto a rutty track that led into the field and we stopped beside the gate to the cow pasture. The cows were all staring at us as we got out of the car.
"Look at them gape," Pedro said. "Didn't they ever see long hair on guys before?"
Bessie said, "It's my big boobs they're staring at. They're jealous."
I said, "They know we've come to fuck them. They can tell."
"Then why don't they run away?" Bessie said.
"They know it's no use. They know grim determination when they see it. They can read the burning lust in our eyes."
"Which one shall we fuck?" Bessie said.
Pedro said, "This nearest one has kind of a cute ass."
I said, "I'm a tit-man myself. I kind of like the one with the big boob."
Bessie laughed. "First tit I ever saw with a half-a-dozen nipples on it."
"Well, take your pick, lover boy," Pedro said to me, belting me on the back in friendly fashion. "You gonna fuck one of these here critters or are you not?"
"This is ridiculous," I said. "You can't just walk up to any old cow in a field like that. You have to get them in a special stall in a barn — otherwise they'll never stand still for it."
"Ah-h, you're getting chicken," Bessie said.
"Cow's are no good anyhow," I told them. "You've got to stand on a box or something to come up to their level, and then their big old sloppy cunts are too damn big in size for a man's prick. I told you before — a little heifer is what you need. They're just the right height from the ground for easy entry by a man standing, and just the right size of hole too."
"There's a little one over there," Bessie said.
I told her, "That's a he, not a she."
"So, fuck him up the ass," she said. "What difference does it make to a faggot like you?"
"There's a bunch of calves down below," Pedro said. "Come on — let's go down there."
"Aw, why don't we cut out this shit and get the fuck out of here?" I said. "This whole thing is idiotic."
But they wouldn't hear of it. No turning back now. They had their hearts set on seeing a cow molestation.
"We'll hold onto her for you," Bessie said. "One of those real little ones shouldn't be much trouble."
"Listen to her," I said. "You want to be an accessory to raping a juvenile?"
"Why not?" she said. "The boys always used to tell me when I was nine, 'When you're big enough, you're old enough."
"Come on, man," Pedro said. "I got seconds after you. I always wanted to try this action."
So we climbed over the gate and took off down the hill, carefully sidestepping the cow-flop as we went. I had a real sinking feeling about the whole thing, wishing the Goddamn subject had never come up in the first place. But these two — once they got their feeble minds set on some wild piece of stupidity, there was no turning them aside.
The cows moved away from us, sort of wary, as we came by. It almost seemed as if they knew what we were after. And it wasn't even the mating season for cows.
We picked out a cute little brown calf with a white head and tail. She was gonna be it, like it or not. But I knew we were going to have a rough old time, whether those other fools realized it or not. It's no joke trying to catch a calf — even a little one — and no fun trying to hold her once you get her.
"And another thing," I told them. "Whichever one of these big bastards is her mother isn't gonna like it worth a damn when we start screwing around with her calf."
Bessie laughed. "What can a cow do?"
"Listen, kid," I said. "When a wild-eyed cow comes charging at us, just don't stand in my way — okay?"
Anyhow, we circled around this little old calf about three feet high and closed in on her from three sides, and it wasn't such a problem as I expected it would be. She bleated a couple of times and jumped sideways and fidgeted a little, but she must've been used to being man-handled, because she let Pedro and Bessie grab onto her without too much fuss. There was a big old cow nearby watching us pretty close — must've been mother — but she didn't seem too concerned. So what if her only child was about to get diddled by a couple of dirty old men? What the hell.
Pedro got a good arm-lock on the little bastard's neck and Bessie was down on the ground underneath her, holding her around the middle.
"You better get up out of there," I said. "You're gonna get kicked in the Goddamn head."
She said, "Oh, she wouldn't dream of kicking me. She's so cute. I love her. Oooh, I wish I could make love to her. Isn't there some way? Ooooh man — I want to feel her rubbing me all over."