She tried to block this from her thoughts, and when he came to her in bed that night she made no mention of her worries. He was as loving as he had ever been with her. Nor did he mention any other home, or a desire to go away — until she became calm again and no longer heeded her first fears.
He had determined to leave at the end of the week, however, and told himself that it would be best to spare her feelings, not wishing to draw out or increase her sadness. It was the best of noble reasons; however, as sometimes happens, the opposite is what occurred.
He harbored his intentions secret in his breast the entire week, going about as if all were normal. When the day of the ship’s sailing finally arrived, he woke up before sunrise, before Elissa had stirred, to leave from out the house undetected. He did not take anything of his life in that town with him, and nothing to remember her by or otherwise knot his memory. He carried instead the same little trunk he had hauled around with him for the last four years. Nor did he wear his fine clothes, but took from a corner in the bottom of the trunk his old coat with Libbie’s embroidery inside.
The picture was faded almost entirely and the coat looked even shabbier than he remembered, but it is what he covered himself with as he set out for the docks, leaving all else behind, no matter how precious. His sword he had not seen since he left the battlefield at Saratoga, nor did he miss it, but he carried its memory still, as it was carved deep. And this was all he had in the world, but what was at Stonehouses.
It was still dark when he arrived on the wharf, and fog covered the entire southern tip of the island. He had forgotten the ship’s berth and was forced to ask around for the Enki until he discovered her and made his way aboard.
“So you made it,” said the captain, when he saw him arrive.
Caleum, who had booked his passage earlier in the week, was the only one still missing from the passenger list, and the captain, having been so long in port, was anxious to sail. He had the second mate show Caleum to a tiny cabin and told his crew to be ready as soon as the fog lifted.
Caleum was guilty and heavy-hearted as he waited belowdecks for the ship to begin its journey. When it began to grow light out, he went up above to see why they had not yet sailed. The city was still shrouded in a ghost-white fog, and the captain, a very powerful-looking man with a face like a gigantic angry baby, refused to set out. He looked perturbed, and everyone hastened to get out of his way as he paced the deck.
Remembering what Rennton had told him, Caleum went to the other side of the ship, lest he raise the man’s ire. It was about six in the morning, and he knew Elissa would awaken soon and discover his absence.
He hoped the gift of the house would ease her hurt and make her feel less poorly used. Though he knew he had caused her pain, but it was never his intent. It was only that God, He had other plans for him.
At seven o’clock they still had not left port, and Caleum knew Elissa was awake and about by then. He knew as well she would think he had only gone out on errands, or else for a morning constitutional. Still, he feared she might somehow find him there and thwart his journey, and so hid himself below like a smuggler.
An hour later, as they continued to wait, he began to have second thoughts and wished profoundly that he could see Elissa one last time.
At eleven that morning the low cloud over the water finally burned away, and the captain weighed anchor. When they finally set out, all the passengers crowded to the railing, and looked either backward toward Manhattan — and what they were leaving behind — or else forward toward the open sea and the place they was going. Caleum looked first to one and then the other. Toward Elissa, who had loved him so dearly, and then to the destination he had been trying to reach for so long.
Elissa awoke with a start and sensed immediately that Caleum was not in bed where he was supposed to be. Although the emptiness of their room was the first thing she noticed, she did not make much of it. Instead, she dressed, then went down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, thinking he had been called out early on business and was certain to have an appetite when he returned.
When he did not show up, she left his breakfast warming for him in the stove until about eleven o’clock, after which she threw it out behind the house for the stray dog that sometimes wandered in the alley back there. She knew it bothered Caleum that she sometimes fed it, but even a stray dog deserved not to starve in the streets.
When he was not back for the midday meal, she began looking around to see if he had left any sign to tell her where he had gone. By evening she was worried enough that she swallowed her pride and went to her sister’s house, not knowing where else to turn.
Her sister counseled her to be patient, though in her own mind she wondered whether a man who had appeared so suddenly out of nowhere wasn’t bound to be off just as quickly.
To pass the time she stayed on and had dinner with her sister’s family and, when she left, told herself Caleum would be there with a good explanation when she opened the door, and all would be well.
He was not, though, for the first time in the year they had been together. She went to bed early that night — but stayed awake until it was almost dawn, listening for his footfall on the stairs. When she awoke and felt the cold space around her again she grew angry, which was very rare for her. It was the first night he had spent away from home since they became a couple, and she grew wrathful at how he had hurt her. Still, he did not come. When she got up from bed and checked his closet she saw his trunk was missing. Her anger then began to dissipate and was replaced again by worry, until she became miserable again. She ate alone that night and, when her sister knocked on the door, she pretended to be out, not wanting visitors.
Nor did she want to leave the house the next day but was forced to in order to buy groceries at the market. As she walked through the stalls, she did her best to avoid coming into contact with anyone she knew. At the produce stand, though, Mr. Miller called out to her and came to her side. “It is so good to see you, ma’am,” he said. “I have some winter squash today at a good price, I think you might be interested in.” She was in no mood to haggle, but took two medium-sized vegetables from him all the same.
“By the way”—he chatted on, as was his nature—“if you don’t mind my asking, where was Mr. Merian going off to the other morning?”
“What do you mean?” she asked thinly.
“Early Friday he was down at the wharf and boarded a ship that left going south.”
“He is only off to visit relatives. Is that a crime?” she answered curtly, then began walking away as fast as she could, forgetting the gourds. Her heart pounded in her chest and she could feel its beat in her throat, as the taste of blood was brought to her mouth, and she hurried to get home.
Her breathing was going rapidly, and she tried her best to control it, but when she arrived back at her house she was drawing in air faster than she could exhale it. She locked the door soundlessly and stood in the hall a long time trying to regain control of her breath. Once she had managed this, she went out to the kitchen and made a cup of tea for herself. She drank it down quickly and was soothed by its warmth.
“So he has gone away,” she said to herself. And no matter what other reasoning she tried to give herself, she knew he would not be back.
When she finished the tea she washed the porcelain cup out in the sink and put it away. She then took a lamp from the cupboard and lit it at the stove. She placed a handful of long wooden kitchen matches in her apron, and set out through the house.
In the living room she torched the curtains, taking a match and holding it steadily, until they began to burn. As they went up in flames she walked to the dining room, then each of the other rooms of the house, setting them all alight. When at last she reached the bedroom she had shared with Caleum, she lay down on the mattress and folded her arms, waiting for the fire to reach and consume her. Nor did she regret it at all, being determined in her plan. She had been cast aside and was without any way to return to her family or anything she had known before. He had left her an exile from his affections and all others as well.