“The outhouse is out by the other cabin,” Jake said. “I’ll have to escort you there.”
“I don’t need your help,” I said, turning around and rushing past him.
All of a sudden he reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me close. I nearly dropped the lantern, the light swinging around us, casting shadows across his face.
“Eve,” he grunted, loosening his grip on my arm. “I’m sorry I lied.”
“I don’t care,” I said, my chin held high.
“But you do. You’re mad.”
“You make me mad.”
“Then you care.”
I wrestled my arm out of his grasp but stayed in place, not wanting to back down, just because he was a foot taller than me and twice as wide, just because there were still bloodstains on his face from earlier, just because he held a gun to Avery’s head.
And that was the tricky thing. He saved Donna and Avery’s life today. He wasn’t a bad man, despite how rude he sometimes was. And yet his lie spurred me deep inside. Maybe because I took his word as truth.
“I don’t know why I care,” I slowly admitted. “I think I’m just about losing my mind out here.”
“I ain’t going to hurt you, you know that,” he said. He licked his lips and looked back at the cabin. “I ain’t going to hurt Avery either. And I don’t think Tim will do anything, he’s just scared to lose everything since we’ve come so far.”
“But you have lost everything!” I cried out. “You’ve lost Meeks. You’ve lost the other two. You’ve lost your secrecy.”
He shook his head, his expression turning grim. “No. This is nothing. I’ve lost everything before.”
“Oh, is that so? What could you have possibly lost? A bet? A hand at poker?”
He dipped his chin and looked me square in the eye. The intensity of his gaze reached deep into me. “I lost my wife and I lost my child. They were killed while I was away fighting in Monterrey with the Rangers.”
I was not expecting that. I must have stared at him like a right idiot, trying to figure out what to say. The best I could do was a weak, “Sorry.” I sure felt foolish now, trying to trivialize it all. “What happened?”
A wash of fire came across his gaze. “Injuns. They came to steal our horses. My father-in-law and my wife and my little boy, they killed and scalped them. Left the bodies behind for me to find.”
I felt like my heart had been smashed with a hammer. I put my hand to my chest and looked away from his eyes; the small glimpses of hatred and sorrow in them were too much to bear. But pity was the last thing he wanted from me.
“That explains why you hate Indians so much,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. “Though I really don’t need to remind you that we—my people—we aren’t all the same. The ones who did this to you are savage people, not just savage Indians.”
He pursed his lips. “Let’s just say I have some trust issues then.”
“Still doesn’t explain why you’re a jackass.”
Jake broke into a wide grin. “A jackass, is that right? Well I reckon you’re correct. I suppose I was just born a jackass.”
The severity of the situation came back to me like the gust of chilled wind that made his hair dance. The monsters. The gold. And we were just out here talking like none of that was going on. I looked to my feet, suddenly conscious of how close we’d been standing. The snow glowed yellow in the light of the lantern.
“I guess lying goes with the territory of being a jackass,” I added.
I heard him scratch at his sideburns. He let out a long breath that froze into a cloud. “I guess that’s true as well. But I only lied because it was easier.”
I raised my brow. “At least that’s honest. You’re a jackass and a liar. What else do I need to know about you?”
“I’m a great kisser.”
I almost laughed, but before I could, his warm, rough hands were on my cheeks, cupping them gently, his lips pressed against mine. It was wrong and hard and wet, and though his mouth was only on mine for a second, just long enough to feel the softness of his lips underneath all that pressure, it succeeded in taking my breath away.
He pulled back and gave me a lopsided grin. I was flabbergasted, the feeling of his stubble against my cheek still tingling my skin.
“Well, how did I do?” he asked, his eyes dancing playfully. “I was right, wasn’t I?”
I couldn’t find the words. Jake McGraw just kissed me. Not Avery as I’d always imagined, but Jake. A man. A Texan. A liar and a jackass.
“Speechless for once? Heck, I should have kissed you much earlier if I knew that would be the aftermath!”
I shook my head, too many feelings swarming through me. “That was a horrible thing to do!” I told him, smacking him against his arm. I nearly hurt my hand in the process; he was built like a rock.
He rubbed his chin and peered down at me with his head held high. “You don’t say? Maybe I should try again someday, see if I can change your mind.”
“Don’t you dare!” I yelped, pushing my finger into his chest. “That is no way to treat a woman.”
“Actually, that’s exactly how you should treat a woman. Give her what she wants.”
My head jerked back. This man was unbelievable.
“That is not what I want,” I scoffed. “I don’t know what signals you think you’re picking up on…”
“Smoke signals.”
I shot daggers at him. “But you’re a lying, swine-kissing bastard who just earlier held a gun to my friend’s head.”
“Maybe I don’t like your friend.”
I threw my hands up. “Why wouldn’t you like Avery?”
“Maybe I don’t like the way you look at him.”
My mouth flapped open for a moment. “How do I look at him?”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, I didn’t like the way you were looking at him. Before.”
“Before what?”
“Before all of this,” he said, his voice becoming low. “Before you started looking at me that same way.”
He stared at me like he could find his truth somewhere in my eyes.
“You’re out of your darn mind,” I told him, hoping my cheeks weren’t turning pink. I didn’t look at Jake in any way other than with disgust. I brushed past him toward the outhouse. “I have other business to do, more important business than to stand around in the cold and argue with you.”
“You’re the only one arguing, Pine Nut,” he called after me. I could hear his boots crunch in the snow. I guess he really wasn’t going to let me use the latrine alone.
By the time I found the outhouse though, I was glad for it. Though it didn’t have a tunnel in the snow like last night, it was still black and isolated and I went back to being very afraid of the things that lurked in the dark.
“I’ll be waiting right here,” Jake said, standing between the hut and the horses with his rifle out.
Though I held my breath in the latrine, I was grateful for the privacy, and the fact that he couldn’t see my face as I tried to digest what had happened.
The son of a bitch had kissed me. It was quick and fast and nothing like I thought it would be, but he’d kissed me all the same.
I was glad he couldn’t see the odd smile that found itself on my face.
Hours later, when I was settled in my bed of straw and hides on the floor, sleep wouldn’t come for me. I kept getting up to check on Donna and having her sip more of the poppy-laced water and change her dressing. I don’t know how I kept it all together while I did so—the wound was getting worse, judging by the smell, and though it had stopped bleeding, there was a sickly black color building up on the stump that was hard to wash away.
Donna herself was either out cold or delirious and muttering the Lord’s Prayer over and over. Her skin had taken on this sickly ashen tone, and she was burning up, no matter what I did. Staring down at her, I felt nothing but remorse and guilt. It was my fault she was here, and I knew that even if we left tomorrow—which I somehow doubted since Jake’s word wasn’t reliable—she wouldn’t make the journey home.