“She was no virgin, but I pierced that dusty hymen long before you!”
I had a gun in each hand, arms extended to press the muzzles against two puck foreheads. “Drop the swords and go sit the fuck down. This establishment is losing patience with its customers, and when it does, it doesn’t refuse them service. It refuses them life. Got it?” They grumbled but gave up the swords and wandered toward the bar in search of more alcohol.
This example cut down on the fighting some, but not the bragging.
“Rasputin? I bought his penis in a jar off eBay. It wasn’t nearly as large as I remembered.”
“Pity, but absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
“Or the penis larger.”
“Thor? You lie. Thor has never been sober enough to get it up, and he prefers blond women with breasts larger than their heads.”
“Hell, yes, I rode with Butch and Sundance, in all the ways there are to ride. It’s a forever shame about the Bolivian army. I almost choked up when I escaped out the back with the pesos. Sad times. Good times. This drink is for you, compadres.”
“Damn straight, I’m still taking bets on Jimmy Hoffa. For ten thousand you get one guess on where I planted that fat bastard. For fifteen thousand I’ll throw in the cannoli he was eating when I popped him one.”
“Cleopatra? Definitely a man. Barely looked like a woman even when you were wearing wine goggles. I couldn’t believe Caesar never caught on. The kid? That was actually a thirty-year-old toothless dwarf Cleo bought in the market. Caesar thought he had the ugliest baby in Egypt.”
“D’Artagnan’s best work was always done with his other sword, and size-wise, it was actually equal to the one he used for duels.”
Niko circled the next potential mass murder—five pucks squabbling—waiting to see if it got out of hand.
“Did I mention at the last reunion that I screwed Lady Godiva?”
“No, you credit-thieving maggot, I did.”
“No, I did, and I have a lock of her hair to prove it.”
“I didn’t care for her. Stuck-up bitch with the worst horsehair wig in the hemisphere. Now let’s talk Eve…”
“Eve? You are an idiot. I was there. That whole show was mine, all mine. It was hilarious. I kept pelting her with apples and shouting, ‘Eat it! Come on, you apple-hating nudist. Eat it!’ Then I’d hiss a few times from the bushes to throw suspicion elsewhere. I thought I was going to lose my pitching arm before I finally hit her in that incredibly empty head with the tenth one, but she at last took a bite. I know I gave her a fruit phobia for the rest of her life—not to mention death, menses, and painful childbirth, but, more important, that bet was won. I had Michael, Gabriel, Azrael, and Lucifer handing over their flaming swords and then their other flaming swords, if you get my drift and I know you do. Now, that was a party. I’ll bet their daddy paddled their asses good when they dragged themselves home a week later.”
And on and on it went. The fighting simmered down, though, until it was only reminiscing.
Niko and I returned to back behind the bar. It felt marginally safer, and why the hell weren’t they putting their clothes back on? “Suicide pact?” I said casually, wishing I’d remained half-drunk, but life’s not that easy.
“I’m thinking long and hard about it,” Niko confirmed. He continued to listen to the pucks, as if anyone had a choice, and looking both fascinated and appalled by turns. History was a sacred subject to him. But when only liars are telling the tales, what did you believe? Not the Garden of Eden guy, that I knew. There were no angels, only peris…the seed of the myth.
One of the pucks appeared in front of the bar directly before me as I was handing Niko a leftover hundred-dollar bill that a puck had tried to shove under his apron about an hour ago. As brotherly emotions went, he was less thankful than he could’ve been. When I was done, I smacked a glass down in front of the looming new puck. “What’ll it be?” But there was no drink order. This puck had something entirely different on his mind.
“There is something wrong with you.”
It was one of the pucks Robin had introduced…Pan. I remembered because of the tattoo on the side of his neck. Π—the Greek letter for P. He was old. I’d never considered Goodfellow old, as I’d never had anyone to measure against him but Hob, and I’d been too busy at the time trying to kill that bastard to make any comparisons. Now, though, with all of them gathered in one place, I could get a sense of the younger versus the older. They might be supernatural clones, but real, earned experience over cloned experience told. Their bragging was much less believable, and I’d have thought it impossible, but they were actually more annoying. Much louder too. Those made Robin seem subtle in comparison.
This one…staring at me…had hair so short it was nearly buzzed, leather wristbands, a scar that ran from his right eyebrow into his hair by three inches, already had a knuckle-duster knife in his hand, and he was old. He felt like Goodfellow felt—as if he’d known the world a thousand times over and conquered wide regions of it more than once before tossing them aside, bored. Old in the supernatural world didn’t mean feeble; it meant powerful and, in this case, aware.
Of me. And wasn’t that incredibly bad luck for him?
His eyes didn’t blink. “Wrong. Base. Vile.” He studied me. “I know you.” The green darkened to almost black in surprise and disgust as his pupils dilated. “I know.” He showed his teeth as he spit, “Impossible wretched thing.”
It hadn’t taken Goodfellow more than fifteen minutes after meeting me to know what I was. This one had taken an hour or three, but it didn’t make a difference. He knew and, unlike Robin, he seemed to hold my extinct race’s crimes against me. If he did, who was to say how the rest of the Panic would react? This one had completely no reservations about what he would and did attempt to do. He came across the bar at me blade ready with a swiftness that would make the kishi from last night seem as if they were running in mud.
Then again, the kishi had been as challenging as fighting off a pack of Chihuahuas. And this puck was no baby to be socialized and adopted. There was no free ride for him. No shred of conscience to hold me back.
It was the high point of the night for me.
I buried Robin’s poniard that Niko had tucked underneath with the glasses into one green eye. I felt the point scraping the back of the inner skull before I flipped him over the counter to land dead and heavy on the floor. Niko tipped over a pile of stacked black aprons and towels on the shelf behind us to cover the body and it was as if it had never happened. In a room full of now-drunk tricksters, it was a magic trick all its own. Pan had been there. Pan was gone. No one noticed where, when, how, or who. Oblivious, they kept drinking and shouting over one another for their bullshit to be heard.
Except for our puck.
Goodfellow, recognized by the RG on his forehead and being the only puck wearing clothes, appeared in the precise spot where a second before a wannabe assassin had stood. Not a wannabe in his day or against others, but here and now? He should’ve paid attention to what he labeled me—because he hadn’t been that far off base. “What happened?” he demanded.
“Pan happened,” Niko answered flatly. “You didn’t say they might know about Cal, or what they would do if they did.”
I reached down, jerked the Spanish dagger free from its flesh-and-bone sheath, wiped it on my bar apron, and slid it across the counter to Robin. “‘Wrong. Base. Vile.’” My hair hung forward—still no ponytail for me, thanks to Niko’s father—and I grinned blackly. “‘Impossible wretched thing.’ Practically compliments. He didn’t know me half as well as he thought he did.”