He could’ve thought he was doing the right thing. He hadn’t seen Niko grow up, but in the past two days I’d have thought he’d have learned that, hell, no, what he did wasn’t the right thing. When it came to Niko’s manner of thinking, what he’d done was a crime, a sword the punishment, the homicide justifiable, and the justice karmic.
But bottom line to the philosophy of Niko’s morals and what flipped them upside down was simple: Don’t insult his brother, don’t fuck with his brother, and don’t get between him and his brother.
“I was doing what I could to keep him alive. I thought you and the puck were beyond hope. Do you think I was wrong?”
My bedroom was relatively dry, thanks to my habit of keeping my dirty laundry as well as most of my clean laundry on the floor. It was a system. It worked and it had soaked up the water that we splashed through in every other room.
Coming home was necessary and going into my room was a second homecoming. I was able to wear my own clothes after showering off the mud from the park. I’d lucked out and done a load of laundry the morning before Janus had attacked us. I’d dumped half of it on and half off my unmade bed. I wouldn’t have to wear something off the floor that’d have to dry on my body. I put on my holster and shrugged into my jacket. The first had been ripped to shreds by Janus when he’d attacked me outside the Ninth Circle. But I had backups. The holsters and jackets were the two things I didn’t leave on the floor. I hung them from four hooks I’d jammed into the wall. I had three of each, three holsters and three jackets. The holsters hung on one hook, but each jacket had its own. I used hangers, believe it or not, but I took my jackets seriously.
“Was I wrong?” Kalakos demanded with a sharpness that was a clue to how he went about his business…with impatience that would lead to threats and on to the results of those threats. Then the inevitable boring cleanup of whatever was left. When it came to personality and ethics (too much of one and not enough of the other), he should’ve been my father. He was nothing like Niko.
“I heard you,” I answered. “I’m thinking. Shut up and wait.”
The jacket felt good. Leather, comfortable, and ready to load up. I was me again. A man wasn’t a man without a cool jacket…the coolness factor measured by the fact that while wearing one I could carry enough weapons to make me my own walking WMD.
“Nope. I don’t think you were wrong.” I had thought, but I doubted Kalakos would get it. How do you explain the color red to someone who’s been blind since birth?
I reached under my bed and pulled out a locker. It was army-sized, but waterproof. Opening it, I chose the Desert Eagle I’d taken back from Grimm, Eagle against Eagle, because I had no doubt he had one of his own. I backed it up with my SIG Sauer. “Keeping Nik safe is it. Number one priority for me.” I started shoving clips in my pockets.
“Then you see.” He yanked the tie from his hair and shoved fingers through it in clear frustration. “Then why won’t he? I want my son back. We were making progress and now this.” I felt his eyes on me, questioning. I didn’t meet them. He’d been gone twenty-six years. That was too late for wanting big-eyed fucking tearful reassurance from me. “If it had been you I’d have held back,” Kalakos pushed, “with Niko already beyond reach and gone, you would’ve understood.”
When I’d moved the locker from under my bed, I’d turned it and myself to the side to keep Kalakos in the periphery of my vision from where he stood in the doorway. Force of habit with any stranger…and the majority of those I knew. I trusted my back to four…eh, two people. That was it. “Oh yeah, I’d understand,” I said without emotion. “If you’d tried to hold me back from getting to Nik, no matter what the odds, I’d understand you’d be breathing through a bullet hole in your throat.”
From the locker, I picked three knives: serrated combat, two throwing blades, and left room for the xiphos. A small sword, it fit in my jacket in a holster that held two guns and a smallish sword against my back. It wasn’t comfortable, but it made the grade of concealed weapon. Lastly I slipped a switchblade in my pocket with the ammunition clips. Unfortunately I’d used my last grenade in the black market on that mutated octopus. I hadn’t stocked up on those lately. Getting lazy. I didn’t bother with the flamethrower. Janus was made of impervious metal and filled with some type of lavalike substance. It’d think a flamethrower was a refreshing shower or a damn sex toy.
Shoving the trunk back under my bed with a solid kick, I stood from my crouch. My combat boots were wet, but they would’ve been wet from walking through the several inches of water anyway. They’d dry. “I’m going to cut you a break because you did save Nik at least once. But I know you won’t get it. You look like Nik, but you’re not half as smart, and wanting to invest in emotions for your son now? Is ‘too late’ not in your vocabulary? But since you want to try…”
It was Nik. I didn’t know what he wanted when it came to Kalakos, because he didn’t know what he wanted. I’d do my best to leave the door open, though—in case that’s what he decided.
“So listen, Kalakos. Concentrate.” Now I did meet his eyes, and he didn’t care for it. It didn’t matter that Niko and I had eyes of the same gray. The color wasn’t what counted. There were things in my eyes that no one would ever see in Nik’s. That no one would see in anyone’s eyes…except maybe Grimm’s.
“I’d do anything to save my brother. Anything.” I’d proven that. Some lived to regret it, most didn’t, and I hadn’t given a rat’s ass once.
“And he’d do the same for me. He has done the same,” I went on. “Think it through. He risks his life for mine. Then I see the mess he’s gotten himself into while pulling my ass out of the fire, and I’m right back in after him. Same risk. Same mess. Then back it goes again. Vicious circle, I think they call it.”
“That’s all but suicide,” he snapped. He was stunned, angry, and me? I was not giving a rat’s ass all over again. If he wanted a say in Niko’s life, he would’ve shown up sooner.
I ignored the comment. “And if we’re too far from each other and it’s too late”—I shrugged—“vengeance has nothing to do with the Lord. Cain was wrong. I am my brother’s keeper. And Niko’s mine.”
“That is suicide, plain and simple.”
“You said it yourself, Father Kalakos. Niko is who he is because of me. I am who I am because of him. For me that won’t stop. I’m terminal and Nik is my chemo. He keeps me human and he keeps me sane.” For as long as he could. I walked toward the door and Kalakos took a few reluctant steps back. He’d said I wasn’t a monster like the Bae, but I didn’t think he or I actually believed it.
“Niko,” I reflected, “I don’t know what he would’ve been without me. Not you. Absolutely not you. Better off? Maybe. Able to love, like he loves Promise? To trust, like he trusts Goodfellow? I don’t know. And neither does he.”
“It’s insane. Friends and family grieve and go on when people die. They don’t jump in the grave after them. People live on.”
“Yeah, people do.” I brushed past him in the hall and left him behind. People mourn and move on.
Certain monsters and heroes don’t.
Leaving Kalakos at our place, we took a cab to the Ninth Circle. There was no worrying over the driver hearing us. He couldn’t hear us. He was an Ullikummi. They were from the Middle East, their skin the same color as cooled volcanic rock, blind eyes hidden behind sunglasses, and they were deaf to go along with the rest. Despite being blind, they navigated somehow. I hadn’t seen one get a ticket once or run over anyone unless it was on purpose.
“As plans go, this is lacking in everything that one consists of,” Niko said, also back in his own clothes and content with his own weapons. “Facts, arrangements, a goal in general.”
An Auphe had once killed one of Ishiah’s peris before to get to me. I wasn’t going to let that happen again. “Plan or not,” I said, “Grimm has us by the balls.” We had nothing, but Grimm—he had a plan…for years. Complex and with every chance of working, of taking back the world, that was his plan. My plan had been surviving as long as I could. Trying not to kill too many people when it came to the end, and holding back the end as long as I was able. I’d thought it was a plan. It wasn’t.