VII
From that moment, Tenbrücke felt better. He tilted the burden of his head. There was so much sky. Passengers on the river, glancing back at him, thought he had made a discovery: he was excavating a shard of Roman pottery from the shallows — with his teeth. While he looked over at the far bank, he forgot why he had come to this place. He had stopped trembling, and he felt light and, for the first time, a little frivolous. The river plashed, a soup of mud, swooshing the immortal rubbish, backwards and forwards, in a lullaby motion. He heard voices above him.
‘Down there, girl. Just look at it. Fucking filth! Ignorant bleedin’ bastards. What happens? The tide shifts it off of ’ere. So they build a Thames fucking Barrier to stop it getting away. All right? Next morning it’s all bleedin’ back again. Fucking ridiculous.’
This premature ecologist, sickened by the perfidy of the planners (and all the other ‘thems’ who never have to answer to the people for their actions), let his obsolete fag packet float from his hand to freshen the collage of neap-wrack. Uncertain footsteps in retreat: the wheeze of the pub door.
Tenbrücke set himself to assess the riverscape on the far side of the choppy water; to fix the limits of his vision, and to make them final. Rotherhithe was not a place to which he had previously given much consideration. It looked foreign, and somewhat estranged from itself. The significance of this apparently random assembly of buildings awed him. He became aware of patterns, meanings, distributions of unexpended energy. His sense of colour was overwhelmingly personal. It hurt. It hurt his blood. The horrifyingly soft green spire of the Norsk Kirke flooded his throat with bile: of exactly the same concentration. Cheese-whey oozed from beneath his fingernails. The Famous Angel, the tower of St James’s, Bermondsey, were ancient offences that only he could redeem. Pubs and churches, derelict and decaying wharfs. A solitary odd thin building; a slab of something left behind from a previous incarnation. Tenbrücke thought he remembered a woman at a drinks party telling him Lord Snowdon had once lived there: before he was inducted into ‘The Family’, of course. Bachelor days. Clubs. Paragraphs in ‘William Hickey’. Demobbed photographers, models, gangsters, characters from the Rag Trade. All the big hooters and the weak chins: horse mouths, taffeta, fag smoke, suicide.
He heard the muffled and distorted voices of pleasure-boat spielers, identifying the notable stones. They were talking under the water. They made no sense. Silver Marlin, Captain James Cook. Fins of sour lace froth followed in their wake. They tore the fabric of the river: pushing a false tide towards Tenbrücke’s inlet. The water was on him.
Occasionally, a tourist waved to him from a boat, and was disappointed to be ignored — poncy Cockneys. But, as the light started to go, Tenbrücke had a moment of curious intensity. He had what amounted to an involuntary close-up of a golden dragon; its claws hooked to a polished globe. This was the weather-vane of St James’s church, more than a mile away — but now so near him, he could see the paint flaking from the dragon’s scales. He was drowning in physical detaiclass="underline" breathless, aroused. They sang out: the chips of blue-painted ceramic tile, the sharp knuckles knocked from coffee mugs, the wounded bricks. He felt their history, felt the warm hands of their owners, felt the energy of their decay. It was all pouring into him. The light was unopposed. He was swept out of himself, strung on a chain of shimmering beads that absorbed each and every particle of his private anchorage. Gulliver Agonistes: he could not turn Wapping to account. Number the crystals. Unknot the threads that kept the water from the air. Hekinah degul!
When the tide was at his throat, he almost changed his mind. Came to a consciousness of where he was. Tore his flesh; putting weight and strength against the cuffs and the ring. Then he softened, settled himself; his back against the wharf. A cloud of midges drifted from the slime-covered stone blocks of the Old Stairs. He could see straight through them. They had abandoned him, the familiar desires. There was no fret left in them. And he noticed now another set of steps leading upwards, leading nowhere, ending in a wooden fence. He opened his mouth and swallowed everything that was coming.
VIII
When I returned to Wapping after the agreed three months — to collect my share of the divvy — everything had changed; it was Kristallnacht. There were roadblocks, searchlights, dogs on chains. Chanting hysteria breathed a new life into the poisoned varnish of the walls. Riot-shields, flaming milk bottles, horses.
I dodged, and weaved, among the scarlet snakes, the video-contrails; ignoring contradictory orders howled through megaphones that converted the human voice to a form of millennial robot-speak. I had to abandon my car on Cannon Street Road and walk back, clambering over fences, and slithering down heaps of rubble; wary of rats and fanatics. The riverside acres were a battleground, a no man’s land; barricaded, fought to the point of inertia, by private armies and absentee War Lords; protected by beam-operated grilles. The contractors had parcelled up the docks and were trawling for names that would mist the eyes, suspend disbelief, and sell the proud owner a share in our maritime heritage: the Anchorage, Silver Walk, Sir Thomas More Court, Pageant Steps, Tobacco Dock. Paid researchers burrowed in the files; they plated nostalgia.
There were deck-planks nailed across Sileen’s window. The greenery was dead and the flower pots smashed. Repeated knocks drew a pensioner from the balcony above — sole tenant of the ant heap — who assured me, from a safe distance, while pacifying a monstrous hound, that Sileen had gone: ‘him and his boxes’. A taxi, early one morning. Nobody had seen him since: you could hear the phone ringing behind the padlocked door. His girlfriend, receiving no word from him, had moved out; crossed the river.
And so it ended, an unremarkable incident. I had mislaid plenty of other customers and potential benefactors — ‘not known at this address’ — before and since; dozens of promised postal orders never quite materialized. But there remained a disturbing niggle of curiosity: that Sileen should quit what appeared, to outside eyes, as such a grove of benevolence. The plants, the spices, the charm of his companion, the calmed space between the walls of books. Had his quest been brought so close to completion? There is no entrance to another man’s life. Why should we expect one? What is presented to us is often the most disposable of assets: the motor is elsewhere, an impenetrable secret. Sileen had upset me only by opting out of the fictional curve I had prepared for him. He had ceased to exist. He was written out of the story.
A few years later I thought I saw the girl, or someone very like her — with the sort of coat she favoured draped about her shoulders — sitting in the corner of an obscure Southwark pub. The man with her had an African drum in his lap, which he was obsessively mapping with be-ringed, prehensile fingers. I left the bar, on the instant, by a side-door; without attempting to speak to her. I had no desire to confirm or deny the reality of her presence.
IX
Joblard rang me to ‘discuss the likelihood’ of my driving him to Norwich to collect a vanload of scrap; and, in passing, as a sweetener, he mentioned the discovery of Adam Tenbrücke’s swollen body, by a couple of metal-detecting beachcombers. This low-key event had been nudged from the local news coverage by the Wapping Riots. Then, for some reason I have still to discover, I flashed to an earlier episode that had definitively blighted my faith in this ill-defined zone. It was all to do with the Rotherhithe Tunneclass="underline" a most unnatural feature. It had a ‘bad karma’ — holding together the irreconcilable differences of the two shores in an evil marriage. The children were deformed and ugly, always seeking for a way to strike back.