He couldn't look at Connor and see the pity that was no doubt on his face. Zach scowled. The tables had turned, and now he was the one brooding while Connor worried about him.
"I know you're pissed at her,” Connor said. “But maybe you two should talk about it."
"You're the one who should be mad at her,” Zach pointed out.
"Believe me, I was,” Connor agreed wholeheartedly. “But now it kind of doesn't seem so bad. It really wasn't totally her fault."
"What would be the point in talking to her?” Zach ran a hand over his face. “I trusted her—she deceived me."
"So you think all that time you were together she was putting on an act?"
Zach's scowl deepened. No. Even he knew Ashlyn wouldn't have continued her act that long. Hell. Deep down inside he realized what Connor said made logical sense, but there was still no point in trying to fix things. “It doesn't matter,” he said heavily. “It would never have worked anyway. She doesn't trust me."
Jessica nibbled on her bottom lip, her eyes narrowed. “Why doesn't she trust you?"
"She doesn't trust any men,” he said. “Can you blame her, doing that job? All she sees are assholes who cheat on their wives."
"But ... did you do anything to make her not trust you?"
"Fuck no!” He glared at her.
Jessica held up a hand. “I believe you. But I think Connor's right—you should talk to her."
"The question is: would you rather live with her—even with her trust issues—or without her?” Connor tossed Zach's own words back at him. And while he'd known Connor's answer, Zach wasn't so sure about his own.
Ashlyn went to see her dad with the information she'd recovered from Melissa's hard drive.
"I thought you brought all that stuff in last week,” he said, frowning.
"I thought I did too. Sorry. I found this on my desk, and I spent some more time on it. So here's your answer to whodunit."
Still frowning, he reviewed the information she'd printed out.
"That's good work, Ashlyn.” He looked up at her. “Really good. Thank you."
"You're welcome.” She turned to leave.
"Wait, Ash,” Dave said. “I want to talk to you."
She turned and looked at him.
"I want to apologize for losing my temper last week. I shouldn't have fired you over something like that."
"I screwed up."
He nodded. “Hell, everyone makes mistakes. I was angry, and it seemed like a good way to get you to stop doing that damn sex decoy work."
She couldn't help but smile sadly. “I knew it."
"So anyway, you can have your job back. And submit your time and expenses to Brenda for all the time you spent working on the Surf Coast case, and you'll get paid."
Wow. She could have her job back. No longer did she have to be broke and desperate.
"I don't want my job back.” Suddenly she knew that.
He raised his brows. “You don't?"
She shook her head. “You know, I never realized what a negative impact that work was having on me until I stopped doing it. It's made me kind of cynical about men."
"I guess I could see that,” he answered, the corners of his mouth turned down. “I should never have let you do it."
"I wanted to do it,” she said. “And I enjoyed it. And I liked the money. But recently, I've kind of ... not really liked some things about myself."
"Oh, Ash. Does this have something to do with Zach Montgomery?"
She looked down at her fingers twisted together.
"I know you told me it was none of my business last time I asked, but this time I'm not asking as your boss. I'm asking as your father."
She felt her throat tighten up. “I don't know what to say. He's the nicest man I've ever met, and I screwed things up with him."
"Maybe you can fix it."
"I don't think so,” she choked out. “He was pretty angry about the fact that when I met him, I was actually on a job. Of course, he figures everything I said and did that night was just an act. It started out like that, but I really did like him. And when I found out what a mess I'd made of things, I was afraid to tell Jessica Montgomery, because I knew when Zach found out he'd hate me. And he does. Only, he hates me even more because I didn't tell Connor what I'd done and put him out of his misery. He doesn't get it that I couldn't do that."
He nodded. “He'll get over that."
"Maybe.” She lifted a shoulder. “But the worst thing is, I told him I don't trust him and can't trust any guy."
Her father frowned. “Why is that? What do you mean?"
She sighed. “It's partly because of the decoy work. Seeing all those guys willing to cheat on their wives doesn't inspire a lot of faith in men."
"Partly,” he said slowly. “But what else?"
She looked away, her throat tight. She blinked a few times. “Well, also because of you."
His mouth dropped open in astonishment. “Me?"
"You know.” She struggled to get the words out. “You and Mom."
He gaped at her. “Me and your mother? How does our divorce lead to you not trusting men?"
"Not the divorce part. It's the fact that you were cheating on her.” She stared out the window.
"What! What the hell are you talking about?” he demanded, outraged. “I never cheated on your mother."
Huh? She turned her head and squinted at him. “But all those times you got phone calls and you left ... all those times you'd be gone overnight, or even days..."
"That was work, damn it! Strictly work. You know what this job is like, Ashlyn. Something would be going down, and I'd get a call, and I'd have to go. Sometimes you don't get a second chance to do surveillance or talk to a witness. And sometimes I had to work overnight or go out of town.” He shook his head. “I love your mother,” he said with feeling. “I know she suspected I was screwing around. I swore to her I wasn't."
Ashlyn stared at her father. “She didn't believe you?"
"No. I couldn't make her believe it. She didn't trust me."
Ashlyn stared at her father. All these years, she'd blamed him for the end of her parents’ marriage, and he was claiming he'd never cheated? She gave her head a shake. “But ... she loved you.” Oh, Zach.
"Yeah.” Her father's voice was gruff, and her heart expanded with love for him, love she hadn't let herself feel since he and her mother had split up. She suddenly picked up on the fact that he'd used the present tense when he said he loved her mother. “She said she did. But ... she didn't believe me. I didn't know how to convince her."
And their marriage had ended because of it.
"I don't know how to convince Zach either,” Ashlyn whispered. “He trusts everybody—except me.” Her eyes stung, and she brushed a hand across them.
"I thought you were the one with trust issues?"
She stared at her dad. She was the one with trust issues. But that wasn't what this was about. Confusion played with her brain, sent her thoughts spiraling uselessly around in her head.
Her dad looked down at the papers on his desk and then back up, and he smiled faintly. “So you don't want your job back. Are you okay for money?"
She took a breath, gathering her wits. “If you pay me for all the hours I put into this"—she nodded at the papers she'd given him—"I should be okay. I've had a few interviews, and I should be hearing back soon.” She gave him a little smile. “Now, I better go start studying. My last exam is on Friday."
She left the building. For once, her thoughts of Zach were pushed to the background by her father's profession of fidelity to her mother. Could it be true? She'd always loved her dad, but her beliefs about his behavior all those years had been reinforced by all the guys she'd met doing the sex decoy job. It was just the way men were.