Выбрать главу

‘In Dante’s Inferno Virgil says that as their punishment the astrologers had horribly twisted necks,’ said Dizzy to wrap up my argument.

‘Come on, my friend, don’t let me down,’ I said to the Samurai, which was growling at me, but then instantly it fired up. It’s a form of loyalty. When you’ve lived together for such a long time and you’re reliant on each other, a sort of friendship develops. I know it has reached quite an age by now, and with each year it’s finding it harder to move about. Just like me. I also know that I neglect it, and that this winter had made its life a misery. Mine too. In this car I have everything I need in case of an Accident. A rope and shovel, an electric saw, a petrol can, some mineral water and a packet of crackers that are sure to be completely damp by now – I’ve been carrying them about since the autumn. There’s also a torch (so that’s where it is!), a first-aid kit, a spare wheel and an orange camping cooler. I also have a can of pepper spray in case anyone were to attack me on the road, though it’s highly unlikely.

We drove across the Plateau towards the village, through meadows and wonderful wilderness. Gently and timidly, everything was starting to go green. Young nettles, still weak and tiny, were poking their tips above the ground. It was hard to imagine that two months from now they’d be sticking up stiffly, proud and menacing, with fluffy green seedpods. Close to the ground near the road I could see the tiny little faces of daisies – I could never help feeling that they were silently inspecting everyone who came this way, casting their stern judgement on us. An army of flower folk.

I parked outside the school and at once the children from my classes ran up to the car – they were always impressed by the Wolf’s head stuck to the Samurai’s front door. Then they escorted me to the classroom, twittering away, all chattering at once, and pulling at the sleeves of my sweater.

‘Good morning,’ I said in English.

‘Good morning,’ the children replied.

And as it was Wednesday, we started our Wednesday rituals. Unfortunately, half the class was absent again – the boys had been excused from their lessons to attend rehearsals for first communion. So we’d have to repeat this lesson again next week. I taught the next class some nature vocabulary, and that meant making a lot of mess, which earned me a scolding from the school cleaning lady.

‘You always leave a pigsty behind you. This is a school, not a kindergarten. What on earth are these dirty stones and seaweed for?’

At this school she was the only Person whom I feared, and her screeching, resentful tone drove me up the wall. The lessons tired me, physically even. I reluctantly trudged off to do my shopping and go to the post office. I bought bread, potatoes and other vegetables, in large quantities. I also went to the expense of buying some Cambozola, to cheer myself up if only with a bit of cheese. There are various magazines and newspapers that I sometimes buy, but reading them usually gives me an unspecified sense of guilt. A feeling that there’s something I haven’t done, something I’ve forgotten, that I’m not up to the demands of the task, that in some essential way I’m lagging behind the rest. The newspapers may very well be right. But when one takes a careful look at the people passing in the street, one might assume that many others have the same problem too, and haven’t done what they should with their lives either.

The first feeble signs of spring hadn’t yet reached the town; it had probably settled in beyond city limits, in allotment gardens and in stream valleys, like enemy troops in the past. The cobblestones were covered in sand left over from the winter, when it was scattered on the slippery pavements, but now, in the Sunshine, it was raising dust, soiling the springtime shoes brought out of the closet. The town flower beds were small and miserable. The lawns were fouled with dog dirt. Along the streets walked ashen people, squinting. They looked stupefied. Some were queuing at the cash machines to withdraw twenty zlotys to pay for today’s food. Others were hurrying to the clinic, armed with a ticket for an appointment at 13.35, while others were on their way to the cemetery to change the plastic winter flowers for real spring daffodils.

I felt deeply moved by all this human hustle and bustle. Sometimes an emotional mood of this kind assails me – I think it’s to do with my Ailments – and my resistance weakens. I stopped in the sloping market square, and gradually I felt flooded by a powerful sense of communion with the people passing by. Each man was my brother and each woman my sister. We were so very much alike. So fragile, impermanent and easily destroyed. We trustingly went to and fro beneath the sky, which had nothing good in store for us.

Spring is just a short interlude, after which the mighty armies of death advance; they’re already besieging the city walls. We live in a state of siege. If one takes a close look at each fragment of a moment, one might choke with terror. Within our bodies disintegration inexorably advances; soon we shall fall sick and die. Our loved ones will leave us, the memory of them will dissolve in the tumult; nothing will remain. Just a few clothes in the wardrobe and someone in a photograph, no longer recognised. The most precious memories will dissipate. Everything will sink into darkness and vanish.

I noticed a pregnant girl sitting on a bench, reading a newspaper, and suddenly it occurred to me what a blessing it is to be ignorant. How could one possibly know all this and not miscarry?

My eyes began to stream again; by now it was becoming truly awkward and problematic. I couldn’t hold back the tears. I hoped Ali would know what to do about it.

Good News’ shop was in a small side street off the market square, and one entered it straight from the car park, which wasn’t the best incentive for potential buyers of second-hand clothes.

I looked in there for the first time last year in late autumn. I was frozen through and hungry. Damp November darkness was hanging over the town and people were feeling drawn to everything bright and warm.

From the entrance, some clean and colourful rugs led inside, then diverged among the rails, on which the clothes were classified by colour, playing a game with the different shades; the place smelled of incense, and it was warm, almost hot, thanks to some large industrial radiators beneath the windows. This had once been home to the Tailors’ Cooperative for the Disabled, as indicated by a sign still visible on the wall. There was a large plant in the corner, a huge chestnut vine that must have outgrown its previous owner’s flat long ago; its strong shoots were climbing the walls, aiming for the shop window. The whole thing was a mixture of socialist cafe, dry cleaner’s and fancy-dress costume hire. And in the middle of it all was Good News.

That’s what I called her. This name suggested itself irresistibly, at first sight. Irresistibly – that’s a beautiful, powerful word; when we use it, we shouldn’t really need to provide any further explanation.

‘I’d like a warm jacket,’ I said shyly, and the girl looked at me intelligently, with a gleam in her dark eyes. She nodded encouragingly.

So after a short pause I continued: ‘To keep me warm and protect me from the rain. I want it to be different from all the other jackets, not grey or black, not the kind that’s easily mistaken in the cloakroom. I want it to have pockets, lots of pockets for keys, treats for the Dogs, a mobile phone, documents – then I won’t have to carry a bag, and can keep my hands free.’

As I made my request, I realised that I was placing myself in her hands.