“I know the kind,” Dortmunder agreed, though still stony-faced.
“Well, the drill,” Kelp said, “the drill doesn’t take your place, John, it’s just an aid, kind of. I mean, it’s easier than poking a hole through a half inch of steel with your finger, that’s all.”
“Back there right now,” Dortmunder said, “where we just came from, this drill of yours with the TV screen attached to it is thinking up plans.”
“For your consideration, John,” Kelp said. “For you to say yes or no. You’re the guy in charge.”
“In charge of what? A machine and a guy that isn’t even on the inside, this Wally of yours that we can’t even trust with the right story.”
“Oh, you can trust Wally,” Kelp assured him. “You can trust Wally to be very involved in the problem, and not worry his little soft head about what’s going on in the real world at all.”
“He better not,” Tom said.
“I’m the guy who does the plan,” Dortmunder insisted.
They were at Tenth Avenue already; you walk faster when you’re arguing. Stopping, waiting for the light to change, they all took a little breather, and then Tom said, “So we’re ahead, right? We got three people doin plans, so that’s even more chance to come up with the right one.”
Kelp, convinced there were quagmires ahead, but unable to keep from following the trail Tom had just indicated, said, “Three people, Tom?”
“Well, two people and a thing,” Tom amended. “Al here’s gonna think about plans—”
“You’re damn right I am,” Dortmunder said.
“And your little round fella’s machine is gonna think about plans—”
“Hmph,” said Dortmunder.
“And, of course, there’s me,” Tom said with an almost pleasant look. “But I’ve already got my plan.”
“That’s right,” Kelp said with a meaningful look at Dortmunder. “Wally and his computer aren’t the problem, John,” he said.
ELEVEN
The one called Tom was angry when I said I knew he was the one who hid the treasure. Comment.
A secret is revealed.
But why is it a secret? The treasure is hidden, but it isn’t a secret. Comment.
Tom plus treasure is the secret.
That’s right. So it matters to Tom that he has a secret. Comment.
One secret means more secrets.
Tom is a man with many secrets. Also, Andy and the one called John were both afraid of Tom, but they tried to hide that. Comment.
Tom is the warlord.
Does Andy work for Tom?
The warlord stays in his castle, surrounded by his minions.
Are Andy and John minions?
Yes.
What are the roles of minions?
Guard. Soldier. Knight. Spy.
So Andy is a knight, employed by Tom. Andy does knight errands for Tom. Andy is a knight-errand. What of John?
John is the spy.
No. The characteristic of spies is that they look trustworthy but are not. John does not look trustworthy. Comment.
Tom is the warlord. Andy is the knight. There is nothing to guard, so John is the soldier.
But what do they want?
The treasure beneath the water.
The cascade of doom, yes. But why do they want it? What is it?
More information is necessary.
They changed the description of the treasure when we needed precision for the tunnel models. First it was a small box, one foot per side, containing a ring. Then it was a large box, eight feet long, three feet wide, three feet high. The second version must be the truth, so the contents must be something other than the ring. What is eight feet by three feet by three feet?
A telephone booth.
No.
A bathtub.
No.
A Zog spaceship.
No.
A refrigerator.
No.
A voting booth.
No.
A coffin.
Yes! The coffin of doom! But what is in the coffin of doom?
A dead person.
No. It isn’t in a cemetery, it’s behind a library. Comment.
A book. The book of the history of the race/planet/encounter.
No. Too big for a book. Comment. What could be in the coffin of doom?
Valuables.
Yes. Valuables hidden before the reservoir was made. What are valuables?
Rubies. The blue rose. The defense plans. Pirate gold. The cloak of invisibility. The kingdom. Bearer bonds. The letters of transit. The princess. The Maltese falcon. The crown jewels. Money.
Yes! Stolen money?
One secret means more secrets.
Tom and Andy and John buried stolen money in the coffin of doom. Then the reservoir was made. Why didn’t they save the coffin of doom before the reservoir was filled?
The warlord was on a journey.
Andy said Tom had been away for a long time, but he didn’t say where. The journey must be for more than eighteen years because the reservoir was made eighteen years ago. What journey takes more than eighteen years?
The return to the planet Zog.
Is that all?
There is no more information on that topic.
There must be something else that takes eighteen years. Comment.
Tom is the warlord.
Comment further.
Tom is not the hero.
No. I am the hero. Comment further.
The hero is put in prison for eighteen years with the magic tablecloth. Every time he spreads the tablecloth, another meal appears on it. But Tom is not the hero. Wally is the hero. Tom is the warlord.
If Tom did not spend those eighteen years returning to the planet Zog, could he have been the prisoner, even though he’s the warlord?
An interesting variant. Possible.
Could Andy and John have been in prison with him?
The knight and the soldier can do nothing without the warlord.
So they didn’t have to be in prison. Only Tom had to be in prison. Comment.
Tom is the warlord.
Tom hid the money in the coffin of doom in the field behind the library more than eighteen years ago. Then Tom went to prison. Then the reservoir was made. Where did Tom get the money that he buried?
The warlord raids the peaceful villages.
Tom stole the money. Then he buried it. Then he went to prison. Then they made the reservoir. Then he came out of prison. Then he asked Andy and John to help him get the money back from under the reservoir. Then Andy asked me to help but didn’t tell me the truth because there are crimes in it. I have helped. I can go on helping. Should I go on helping?
The warlord is dangerous when defied.
So I should go on helping. Is there anything else I should do?
The hero is impregnable. The hero waits and is patient. The hero gains more knowledge. When the hero knows everything, he will know how to proceed.
Wally pushed back from the keyboard. Right. Time to ask the New York Times. Not rising from his wheeled swivel chair, Wally propelled himself diagonally across the room to another table beating another keyboard and terminal, this one his primary contact with the real world.
The word is access, and Wally had it. The computer age could not exist without the telephone lines that tie all the massive brilliant idiot mechanical brains together, and the telephone lines are accessible to us all. To some of us, to a gifted few Wallys among us, the accessibility of the telephone lines means access to the world and all the riches within it. Wally now had the capability to roam at will inside the computers belonging to the Defense Department, United Airlines, American Express, Internal Revenue, Citicorp, Ticketron, Toys-R-Us, Interpol, and many more, including, most significantly at this moment, the New York Times. Tapping into that fact-filled know-it-all, Wally typed out his request for information on all robberies, thefts, burglaries and other illegal removals of cash in Vilburgtown County, New York, beginning eighteen years from the present date and extending backward in time through the twentieth century. Then he sat back and watched an unreeling string of New York Times items on that subject, in reverse chronological order, crawl upward across his terminal at an easy-reading pace.