“I will,” Benny promised him. “I’ll find somewhere we can be safe.”
“No,” said Tom firmly. “No… find somewhere you can be free. Alive… and free.”
Nix began to cry. She picked up Tom’s hand and held it to her cheek.
“Be strong,” Tom whispered. “I… wish that I could go with you. To see you grow up. To see who you’ll become.” He smiled. “But I guess I have… and I’m so proud of you. Of all of you.”
Benny caved in over his hurt until his forehead rested on Tom’s. Benny’s tears fell like rain.
Tom raised a finger and wiped away one tear. “Funny… all I wanted to do… was get out of… that damn town.”
He closed his eyes for a moment, and his breath was very shallow. Lilah and Chong huddled close to Nix. They were all crying, broken sobs that drove jagged cracks in their chests. Lilah took Tom’s other hand and held it to her chest as if the beating of her heart could encourage his to keep going. Tom opened his eyes again, and it seemed as if he was looking at something far away, over the horizon, far beyond what any of them could see.
“Benny…”
“Yes,” said Benny, his voice nearly shattering on that single word.
“I… I’m going to try not to come back.”
Then Tom Imura closed his eyes.
A terrible sob broke from Benny’s chest. Nix leaned toward him and held him, and Lilah and Chong crawled over too. They held one another as dawn tore open the morning.
EPILOGUE
– 1-
I’M GOING TO TRY NOT TO COME BACK.
That was what Tom said. The last thing he said. He would try. It wasn’t a promise, and Benny knew it. People couldn’t make those kinds of promises. Maybe in another age of the world, before the horror, before First Night, a dying brother might have said it differently. He might have said, “I’ll try and reach you. No matter how far I go, I’ll try and reach you. Just so you know it’s okay over there. On the other side.”
That was before. The plague had changed everything.
J-Dog and Dr. Skillz wasted no time. They made a stretcher out of spears and coats, and they, along with Benny, Nix, Lilah, and Chong, quickly carried Tom into the empty shed where Lilah had gotten the deflated sports equipment she’d used for fireballs during the fight. It stood apart from the hotel, the only building left intact after the blast. The other bounty hunters followed. No one spoke. They laid Tom down on the floor. Dr. Skillz set something on the floor beside the stretcher. When Benny saw what it was, he shook his head. The bounty hunter nodded and left without comment, but he left the object behind.
“I can stay in here,” offered Lilah. “And…”
Benny shook his head. “No,” he said. “No… this is mine to do.”
Lilah nodded, and even she looked grateful to be spared that horrible task. Chong wrapped his arm around her and they left the shed, both of them weeping quietly.
Nix was the last to leave.
“He said he was going to try and not come back,” said Benny.
“I know,” she said, her eyes still streaming with tears. “Benny…”
“Please, Nix… I need to be with him. Just Tom and me. Now… please, Nix, time’s running out. It’ll happen soon.”
Nix squeezed her eyes shut in pain, but she nodded. Benny kissed her on the forehead and held the door while she left. Benny sat on the floor and watched Tom. He could almost feel the others outside. Nix would do this for him, Benny knew that. So would Lilah. So would Chong. Chong would do anything for Benny. After everything that had happened, Chong would die for him. Benny knew that.
Should he hate Chong? Should he blame him?
He searched inside his heart for hatred, but it simply was not there. Chong had never wanted this. All he had wanted was to go home and to stop being a problem for everyone. Only that. Not this. Benny still loved Chong. There would be wreckage, there would be scar tissue, but Chong was Chong and Benny was Benny. There would always be the two of them, carrying on, moving forward. Growing up.
The sheet that covered Tom’s body was still. There was no breeze; the fabric did not flutter.
“Please,” whispered Benny.
I’ll try not to come back. Benny reached down and picked up the thing Dr. Skillz had left for him. A sliver. It was polished and cool. One end was blunt for pushing, the other sharp for piercing. A pretty thing, well made. An ugly thing, dreadfully intended.
He held it in his hand while he stood and waited. Seconds fell around him like leaves from a dying tree. Inside his chest he felt something change. His heart dropped from where it had always been, falling to a lower place. A darker place. And there, he knew, it would remain.
The world itself had become darker.
I’ll try not to come back.
Benny pressed the cold, flat blade of the sliver against his forehead and closed his eyes.
“God,” he whispered, “please…” Others who had died recently had stayed dead. Most had come back, but not all of them. Not all.
Outside he could hear the first birds of morning. The world was waking up, unheeding of what had happened. Benny stared at the closed windows and wondered how nature could be so stupid, so cruel. How could the day just go on as if nothing had happened? So much was broken now. Time should be broken. Tom was gone. There had been a stopping of him. The world should have stopped then too. And yet it ground on.
Tears burned in Benny’s eyes.
I’ll try not to come back.
I’ll try.
The sheet lay undisturbed. Slowly, slowly Benny sank to his knees. Holding the sliver in his right hand, he reached out with his left and took the edge of the sheet between his fingers. His tears burned like ice on his cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” he said in a voice that was almost not there.
He pulled back the sheet. Tom Imura’s face was slack, his eyelids closed, lips slightly parted. Benny swallowed and tightened his grip on the sliver. Any second now.
He’ll come back, Benny thought. The world is the world and the plague is never going to end. He knew that what he had to do was going to end him. Not Tom… it would end Benny. He looked into the future and saw that horrible moment and knew that only darkness waited for him afterward.
“I’m sorry,” Benny said again, and he bent and kissed Tom’s forehead. “I love you, Tom. I wish I’d said that more.”
Benny turned Tom onto his side to expose the soft spot at the base of the skull. The sweet spot, Tom called it. He cradled Tom’s head in his lap.
I’ll try not to come back.
Benny knelt there, holding his brother, holding the sliver.
Waiting for horror.
– 2-
FIVE MINUTES LATER BENNY IMURA UNBARRED THE DOOR AND STEPPED out into the morning sunlight. He still held the sliver in his hand. Nix took a step toward him and stopped. Benny was so pale, his eyes rimmed with dark, his mouth slack.
“Benny…?”
Chong stepped forward, but Lilah stopped him. Not by grabbing his arm, but by taking his hand.
“Benny?” Nix whispered.
Benny raised his eyes to hers. They were wet and haunted.
“Benny?” she asked again.
Benny licked his dry lips. “Tom said that he would try not to come back.”
Nix came closer, touched his face. “I know, but…”
He shook his head, and Nix fell silent.
Chong went quickly past him, pulling Lilah with him. They entered the shed and were in there for almost a full minute. Then they came back out into the sunlight, both of them wearing frowns of confusion.