He yelped with every step I took toward him.
At first I thought he was afraid I was one of his torturers come to do more damage, but then realized he could feel every little vibration I made as I approached across the cave floor, and each and every one was translated into pain for him.
Came up and looked him in the eyes. Whatever kind of mind he'd had was pretty much gone. Having his entire nervous system laid bare to the chill Maine air had pushed him into mental subspace.
His pupils constricted as he looked up into the light.
"God?" he said in a voice so hoarse from screaming it was barely recognizable as human. "Is that…you, God?"
Realized he couldn't see me behind the light. He was talking to the light, timing his words with the exhalations of the machine sitting below the stump of his neck.
"Yeah. God. That's me."
"Can I die…now God?…I've had e…nough take me…God I'm ready."
"Not yet. First you answer a few questions."
His eyes squeezed shut. "After I'm…dead God after…I'm dead."
"Now." Didn't give him time to protest again. "You shorted The Man From Mars, didn't you?"
His voice keened, his eyes rolled, his face contorted in a spasm of horror at the mention of that name. Had to let it run its course.
"Didn't you?"
It looked like he was trying to nod but he couldn't, not with his neck muscles detached from the rest of him.
"Yes but on…ly a few…vials."
"So he came for the rest of it."
A sob: "Gave it…to him."
"But still he did this to you."
Another attempt at a nod, then a wail. "Lesson!"
Right. A good lesson.
The Man From Mars already had a ruthless reputation, and when word about this got out, no one would ever try to short him again.
"So he winds up with the Zem and his money."
"Not money…thinks Yoko…has it."
Which meant that as far as The Man From Mars was concerned, the deal was done. Yokomata's lieutenant had tried to short him — Barkham had probably slipped ten dummy vials into the case — but that had all been taken care of. The Man From Mars had all the Zem he had paid for, and was no doubt well on his way to Mars at this very moment.
But Yokomata didn't have the payment. She'd never received it. And she wanted it before word got out about her Number One Man doubling her. She'd lose lots of face if she got left with no Zem, no payment, and no Barkham.
"Where is the payment?"
"Don't you…know, God?"
"Of course. But it's good for you to confess these sins. Cleanses the soul."
"In L–I…Port locker…had it…routed there."
"And the key?"
A grunt — an attempt at a laugh?
"Hidden where…only you can…find it!"
"Where's that?"
"Not of…your making."
Then he began to gurgle and roll his eyes. The more I asked, the more he rolled and gurgled. Was tempted to flick a finger against one of his exposed nerves to get his attention but didn't want to touch him.
Changed the subject.
"What about the Dydeetown girl?"
The eyes widened. "Truly you…are God!"
"We've already established that. Where did she fit in?"
His upper lip curled into a sneer. "Meatbag clone…too stu…pid to know."
"Yeah. You used her to make the drop for you here while you were trying to sell the ten stolen vials to Lutus. Told her you were going to marry her. She loves you."
He made a noise like, "Glah!…stupid clone…going to…leave her stan…ding at the gate."
Said nothing.
"God can…I die…now?"
Turned and started walking back toward the cave mouth.
"Don't think so. You've still got some time coming to you."
His voice rose to a shrill squeak, see-sawing up and down with the in-and-out of the machine's respirations.
"Youuuuproooomiiiised!"
Stopped. Had promised, hadn't I. As he wailed and keened, I turned and walked back toward his set-up, careful to make sure every footstep landed as hard as it could. Was reaching for the power switch when I heard Harlow-c's voice cry out behind me.
"No — don't!"
So I didn't.
Watched the look of horror on her face as she stumbled forward. She had her fist crammed halfway into her mouth and her whole body was shuddering like a vaporbrain in withdrawal. Was afraid she was going to fall apart completely. But she held up until she reached the heart-lung machine, then crumpled to her knees in front of it. Her voice was a low moan.
"Kyle-Kyle-Kyle! What've they done to you? What've they done!"
But Barkham had finally gone over the mental edge. Maybe it was the sound of her voice that finally pushed him over. He said nothing, just rolled his eyes and made squeaky noises.
Heard her begin to retch and pulled her away.
"There's nothing you can do for him now."
"I can stop the machine!"
"Was just about to do that when you barged in. Stand over there while I-"
"No! I'll do it. It's the least I can do for him."
That was a laugh. "You don't owe him anything."
She turned on me like some sort of wild thing.
"I do! He's the only Realpeople who ever really cared for me and treated me decent. I owe him everything!"
Said nothing. Just stood there and bit my tongue as she went over and reverently pushed in the power switch. She was irrational on the subject and probably too dumb to see the truth even if I drew her a picture. So I dropped it. Watched her turn away as Barkham's face turned a dusky color and went through its final spasms.
"It's over," I said after a while.
She stuck her chin out and strode ahead of me, leading the way back to the flitter, seemingly oblivious to the cold and the wide open spaces.
After a long silence during which I told the console "Home" and we took to the air, she spoke without looking at me:
"Did you see what they did to him?"
Of course I'd seen. That wasn't what she wanted to know.
"Yeah. Too bad. Really tore me up."
She turned to me. "Don't you ever feel anything?"
"None of your business, but I'll tell you this: I don't feel anything for guys like Barkham."
"Because he was going to marry a clone?"
"He wasn't. And even if he was, that has nothing to do with it."
"How about for me, then? You know me. We've been together all afternoon and you know how I felt about him. How about feeling something for me?"
"As a rule, I tend not to feel too much for clones, either."
"How about for your wife, then? Ever feel much for her? Or your daughter? You ever feel anything for anyone?"
Did feel something then: anger. Wanted to hit her. She had no right even knowing about Maggs and Lynnie, let alone talking about them. But I bottled it up. Good at bottling. Dangerous to show what's going on inside. People get to know your weak spots, your vulnerabilities, they can get to you.
"That's me," I said lightly. "Feel-nothing Sig."
"Maybe that's why she left you behind when she went Out Where All The Good Folks Go. Maybe she wanted someone who's alive rather than a walking corpse."
"Maybe."
Knew the clone was trying to get a rise out of me. Just leaned back and looked straight ahead at the darkening landscape.
"Well, I'll tell you this, Feel-nothing Sig: I'm sneaking home and scraping up everything of value I can find and I'm getting a ticket on the first shuttle out tomorrow morning."