The word castration drifted through my mind.
Not that I was much use to the female of the species now, but without the wire I wouldn't even be useful to myself. They say that after you got unbuttoned, you can relearn to be with a woman again. It was never as good as a button, but you could relearn.
Wasn't sure I'd even want to try.
Wandered around Boedekker North for a while, killing time. Finally decided that I'd put it off long enough. Wasn't going to accomplish anything by delaying any longer. Strolled onto the premises of the NeuroNex franchise and…
…got in line.
Hadn't expected this. A real strange sight. The other customers were in holosuits — saw two Joey Joses, an Alana Alvarez, a Pepito Ito, and others — all waiting for the human tech. She took each into the back office; a few minutes later they were out again and on their way. It looked like they were making purchases, but that didn't make sense. Simple purchases of mones or buttons could be made more quickly — and with greater confidentiality — via the slot consoles along the wall. Needed a human myself. After all, I was here for a procedure.
"You alone here?" I called over the heads of the others.
"Until the sales girl comes in, I am." She smiled. "We let her sleep late one morning a week."
"I was here before you," said a thin, worn out looking guy two seats away. No holosuit on him.
"Nobody said you weren't."
"Just remember that," he said sullenly.
Finally the holosuits were gone. Only me and my polite fellow dallier — the one ahead of me — remained. He shuffled up to the counter.
"I wanna donate a few nanos."
The tech gave him the up-and-down. She was red-haired, round-bodied and round-faced, with ruddy cheeks. A plump little angel, except that she was scowling.
"Weren't you hear last week, Stosh?"
"Yeah, but — "
"No 'buts'. Two weeks between donations, not a tenth less. You know that. See you in a week."
He stalked out, averting his eyes as he passed me.
"What can NeuroNex do for you?" she said to me.
"A procedure."
Her interest level rose visibly. "Oh? Which one?
Looked around to make sure the office area was empty. This wasn't something I wanted to advertise.
"Want to get dewired."
Her eyes widened, revealing more blue. "Really?"
"Something wrong?"
"No. Of course not. It's just that you don't look like our typical…" Her voice trailed off.
"Buttonhead?"
"Not a nice term. We prefer 'direct limbic neurostimulator.'"
"And you think I should probably look like the guy you just chased off, right?"
"We try to discourage that stereotype. By the way, you'll have to sign a release."
"I know."
Expected that. The NeuroNex people had installed the wire a year or so after Maggs had run off. Had to sign a release then saying that I'd read and understood all the listed potential physical and psychosocial side effects of becoming a buttonhead and absolved NeuroNex of any liability connected with same. Now they'd want me to absolve them of any and all liability associated with not being a buttonhead.
Sure. Why not?
We got down to business. The releases were signed, then we discussed price. That was not negotiable, I knew — the fee was set at NeuroNex's central office — but I haggled anyway. Got nowhere, as expected, but did manage to get a trade-in allowance on the unused plays left in my buttons.
After the sales girl arrived, the tech led me back to the sterile room and laid me down. Watched the monitor as she prepped the top of my scalp. Had an odd, disembodied sensation as I looked down at the back of my own head in the holo chamber. She depilated the area around the dimple, disinfected it, then readied her scalpel.
"No blade?" I said.
She was seated at the top of my head as I reclined on the table. Couldn't see her face, only her hands in the monitor, but her voice was calm, matter-of-fact.
"It's there. You just can't see it. It's a loop of Gussman molly wire. See?" She passed the visible part of the instrument within a couple of centimeters of my scalp and the flesh parted magically. "Beautiful stuff — a single strand of Gussman alloy molecules strung end to end, submicroscopic but still 100-kilo test. Wonderful to work with."
Her unbridled enthusiasm did not keep my stomach from lurching as I saw my own blood start to well in the lengthening incision.
"Could you turn off the monitor, please?"
"Sure."
A hand disappeared from the field and then the holochamber went blank. Couldn't understand why some people like to watch. Looking at the blank ceiling now, I heard my voice yammering on. Usually I let other people talk, but I was nervous, shaking inside, feeling cold and sick, and it seemed to help to talk.
"You do this often?"
"No. Hardly at all. I used to put in a lot of wires when I was back on the island. We refer all our button jobs there. You really need a team of two to do an implant right. These little branch offices don't have the volume to warrant two techs."
"Didn't look that way this morning."
"Those were special orders." I heard her shift position. "Okay. We're ready to dewire. Last chance: You sure you want to go through with this?"
"Absolutely…I think. But what if I feel I'm starting to go crazy after the wire is gone?"
There was a pause. "I think we can help you."
"Yeah? How?"
"You've heard of NDT, right?"
"Of course."
Had forgotten what the letters stood for but knew it was a neurohormone — NeuroNex marketed their own brand under the name that had become generic for the stuff: BrainBoost.
"Right. Well, new research indicates that NDT might prove to be of some benefit in the button withdrawal stage."
That was good news. Anything to ease the withdrawal would be a blessing. Tried some NDT in my younger days to help me pass the investigator's exam and hadn't been too impressed. NDT was the last thing I would have expected to help.
"Isn't that for memory and the like?"
"Right," she said. "There's some perceptual enhancement, but basically it's a cognitive booster. Better recall, heightened deductive and analytical capabilities."
"That's what I thought." Students used a lot of it, so did business people for meetings and negotiations, and so on. "So how's it going to help me?"
"It appears to concentrate attention on the congnitive functions and distract it from the vegetative-reproductive areas. In other words, you're still withdrawing but you don't notice it as much."
Just then a disturbing thought struck me.
"By the way, what did that guy just ahead of me want to 'donate'?"
"NDT."
"Afraid you'd say that. Not exactly anxious to have any of him floating around in my brain."
She laughed, a deep chuckle. "Don't worry! By the time we finish concentrating and distilling our NDT, it is pure. Not a trace of contaminant."
"Sounds like it's worth a try."
"Oh, it's definitely worth a try. In fact…" She hesitated here and I wished I could have seen her face. "There's a special high-potency NDT that would be perfect for you It's a new synthetic."
"Thought the synthetics weren't worth the trouble."
"They weren't. But this is something completely new. Unfortunately, it's not officially on the market yet."
"Too bad."
"I could get you some, but I can't sell it to you through the usual channels, if you get my meaning."
Got her meaning, all right: a barter deal.
Very interesting. NDT was growing in my mind as a two-edged sword: It could get me over the hump of withdrawing from the buttons, and it would give me an excuse to keep coming back here until I found a connection between NeuroNex and the snatched urchins. If indeed there was a connection.