He scrutinized her in silence for a moment as she stood with her back to the chest of drawers, and at last he said, "You haven’t any idea how much you’ve changed in the past three months…".
"It doesn’t do to lose all your illusions at once, does it?"
"Eric, for heaven’s sake!"
She could feel the anger mounting higher and higher inside her, but it had not yet broken loose and she said almost conversationally, "You know, Charles, I had illusions about practically everything. About you and Mother and this precious country of ours, and the kind of world we’re supposed to be fighting for-I was so full of illusions that really, I must have been quite a spectacle".
"I liked you better that way, Eric", he said under his breath.
"I liked you better too".
It was as though she had struck him. She took note of his reaction, without reacting herself in any way. He might just as well have been someone else, not her father.
He said, his voice trembling, "Listen, Eric. I don’t know what’s already happened between you and Reiser, and neither your mother nor I want to know…".
"Is Mother included in this?"
"No. She doesn’t even know I’m home". He paused, and forcing himself to speak more matter of factly, he said, "We’ll forget about it-that’s fair enough, isn’t it?"
"Go on", said Erica, watching him.
"Anyhow, we didn’t ask you not to go last time, and it isn’t as though you went in spite of everything we could do to stop you. But this time, we are asking you…".
"Yes?" said Erica. "What right have you to ask me not to go?"
"What did you say?"
"Are you and Mother the only ones who have any rights?"
"I don’t think I have to answer that".
"As you like", said Erica, shrugging. "Go on. I’d still like to know what you’re getting at".
"I told you. I don’t want you to go. If you do go, you’ll go deliberately this time, knowing exactly how we feel about it and the price we’re paying for your three days of happiness or whatever you call it, and as long as you live, you’ll never be able to forget what you did to us and to yourself, and neither will we. You’ll never be quite the same to us again".
"You don’t mean that", she said incredulously.
"I do mean it". He looked straight at her. His face had become quite colorless, and he said, "We’ll go to our graves knowing that when it came to a choice between your mother and father and a rotten…"
"Don’t say anything about Marc", said Erica warningly.
"I’ll say anything I like!" he burst out angrily.
"I don’t think you’d better. I’ve had about enough from you on the subject, Charles. I don’t intend to listen to any more".
"If you’d listened to me in the first place, none of this would have happened! I told you Reiser was just out for what he could get. I told you that, didn’t I? Well, he’s got it evidently, and I was only wrong about one thing-I’ll admit I was wrong about that. I thought he really intended to marry you".
Erica stared at him in silence and finally she said, her heart pounding, "Charles, get out. Go away… please go away, because I–I…"
"No", said her father.
"All right", she said faintly. "I guess I can’t make you". It was twenty minutes to four and her train left at five, but she did not move. Still standing with her back against the chest of drawers she said, "What you want me to do is wire Marc to meet me at the drug store on the corner of Peel and St. Catherine. That’s your idea of a suitable way for Marc to spend his last leave, isn’t it? Meeting me on street-corners, going from Charcot’s to the Ritz bar and from the Ritz bar to a bench in Dominion Square, looking for a place to sit down because his car’s in storage and we can’t sit in it any more. Well, why not, you’re probably asking yourself. He must be used to it by this time". She took a step forward and looking up at him she said, "I’ll tell you why not, Charles. He’s had enough of that. For me to ask him to come here and do just what we’ve been doing ever since we met, would be like saying, ’This is all you get-this is all you’re ever going to get if you stick with me,’ when the one thing I’ve been trying to get into his head from the very beginning is that this is not all he’s ever going to get. Heaven help me, I even promised him that you would not only change your mind but that you’d like him and be really nice to him. You don’t realize what a difference it would have made if you’d given us a break…".
"Oh, yes I do", he said before he could stop himself.
"Yes", said Erica. "Yes, of course you realize. I forgot. And now you want us to stay in town for your sake".
"Eric…".
Turning away from him she said, "You’re just wasting your breath". She went back to the chest of drawers and gathering up a few articles of clothing, she carried them over to the bed and put them in her suitcase. When she glanced at him again, she found that her father’s expression had changed, and she regarded him without interest, waiting for whatever was coming next. She had an odd idea that it was something which he had been holding in reserve until now, intending it to be used only as a last resort. Finally he said with a visible effort, stumbling over the words, "Erica-if your mother and I-if we agreed to have him here, the way you said…"
"Good God!"
For a moment she could only gape at him in amazement. Then she thought that she must have misunderstood him, for it could not be true, it was so utterly outrageous that it could not possibly be true. She said, "Wait a minute-I don’t think I quite get it. You’re not suggesting that you’re willing to make some kind of deal, are you?"
He said despairingly, "I guess I’m willing to make almost any kind of a deal to keep you from going".
"Why?"
"Why?" Almost beside himself he said, "Good God, don’t you realize that after what he’s done to me, having him in the house is really more than I can stomach? The idea of you, my daughter, and that…"
"I see", said Erica, for now at last she did see all of it, including the motive which had been largely hidden by all the other motives and had remained unaccounted for. It was not what he was saying, or even the rasping tone of his voice, but the way he looked.
Her father managed to get hold of himself again, for the time being at any rate, and went on with a little less emotion, "You wanted us to treat him like anyone else. That’s what you said, isn’t it? That’s what you’ve said all along. Well, he isn’t ’anyone else,’ now less than ever", he said between his teeth. "But don’t worry, we’ll manage some way or other. You needn’t worry about that".
"I’m not worrying about that". She was lost now, and she knew it. She was going down for the last time, but before she went down, she was going to do the talking for once, she was going to make up for all the times she had sat and simply listened, in order not to have a row. She was finally going to tell her father what she thought of him.
She said, "Not for the sake of my soul or even out of common decency and kindness, but for the sake of my virtue which you regard as your private property, you’re going to start treating Marc ’as though he were anyone else’. You needn’t look like that, Charles. You gave yourself away when you said, ’After what he’s done to me’. It would have sounded nicer if you’d at least said ’After what he’s done to you’. Better still if you’d said, ’After what I’ve done to you’."
"So it’s all my fault".
"Yes, it’s your fault. Nobody has any right to be as stupid as you, and no one can afford to be so muddled. Nothing matters to you compared to your prejudices, your opinions and your theories as to what’s ’best’ for other people and you’d see us all dead before you’d give them up and admit you’re wrong. You don’t care what happens to me, you’ve proved that over and over again. If you had cared, you would have stopped all this long ago".