Buzz De Kemp said wryly, “The human race needs another religion like it needs an extra collective aperture in the head. We’ve got so many religions now, we can’t sort them out.”
Tubber turned on him quickly. “To the contrary. But very little knowledge of religion shows that a major one has not come upon the scene for nearly fifteen hundred years. And what was that? Mohammedism, a religion, like Judaism and Christianity, born in the desert to express the religious needs of semibarbaric nomads. The great religions of the East, such as the Hindu and the Buddhist, are even older. I tell you, dear ones, that in their day perhaps these beliefs of our ancestors were positive in their effects. But the world has changed. Man has changed. There is need today for a new religion, one that fits out modern condition. One that will point out the way to a more full life, not simply parrot the words of men of past centuries who knew not the problems that would confront our generation. The proof that these hoary religions of the past are no longer valid is to be seen in the direction of our people. We play lip service to our churches, temples, synagogues and mosques but the lives we lead are without ethic.”
Buzz De Kemp said sceptically, “You think it’s up to you to start this new religion?”
“An individual, dear one, does not start a religion. A religion swells up from the hearts of a people to fit a need. Had the Christ been born two thousand years earlier, there would have been none to listen to his words, his time was not yet. Were the Prophet Mohammed to be born today, rather than in the 6th Century, he would meet with closed ears rather than the open acceptance of his own times. It is simply that I have been one of the first to sense this need for a new creed. I have felt it and the duty is upon me to spread the word.”
Ed Wonder wasn’t feeling any too happy about this. Mulligan had warned him repeatedly that he was to stay away from politics and anyone who attacked accepted religion. Mulligan didn’t want any subversives or atheists on WAN.
Ed said hurriedly, “Well, folks, this is all very interesting. Our guest of honor seems to think the world is due for a new religion. It reminds me of that chap we had on a few months ago who told us he had flown up to Jupiter and been given a New Bible which he was going to have published.”
Tubber’s face was growing dark again, and Nefertiti made ineffective motions to Ed Wonder which were obviously meant to turn off his present trend of chatter.
“But lets get back to this curse thing, sir. Now…”
Buzz De Kemp said, “Just a minute, Little Ed. This new religion. From what you’ve said, and from your lectures I’ve attended, I get the impression that there are socio-economic connotations to it. Now could you tell us, briefly, just what this new religion stands for?”
“Yes, of course.” Tubber seemed slightly placated. “We seek the path to a better life. To Elysium, where a new society will replace that of today.”
“Just a minute,” De Kemp broke in. “You mean this new religion of yours plans on upsetting the present social order?”
“Exactly,” Tubber said.
“Overthrowing the government?”
“Of course,” Tubber said, as though nothing could be more obvious.
“You plan to establish some sort of communism…?”
“Certainly not. The Communists are not radical enough for me, dear one.”
Ed Wonder closed his eyes in anguish. He could picture Fontaine, Mulligan and the whole Stephen Decatur Society, for that matter, all tuned in.
He said, hurriedly, “Now this curse thing.”
“What curse thing?” Tubber said testily. It was obvious that the whole show was not going anyway similar to what he’d had in mind. “You keep talking about hexes and curses. Is this a serious program or not?”
Nefertiti put a hand on his arm and whispered, “Father…”
He shook off her gentle restraint and glared at Ed Wonder.
Buzz De Kemp was chuckling silently.
Ed looked at the would-be religious leader blankly. “The curse,” he said. “The curse you put on Miss Fontaine here, and all womankind.”
It was Tubber’s turn to go blank. “Are you insane?” he demanded.
Ed Wonder put his hand over his eyes and leaned for a brief moment on the table.
Helen at long last said something. She leaned forward and said urgently, “Little Ed has asked me to publicly apologize to you and ask that the curse be lifted.”
Ezekiel Joshua Tubber was beginning to swell. His grey streaked beard had a bristling quality.
“What curse?” he bellowed.
“Last Saturday,” Helen said worriedly. “You were talking about the waste of national resources or something and that women changing styles all the time were helping to deplete our nation, however you put it. And I argued with you.”
Nefertiti said placatingly, “Father forgets what he says when he speaks in wrath.”
Ezekiel Joshua Tubber rumbled ominously, “I begin to suspect that thou hast brought me here to ridicule the Path to Elysium.”
Ed Wonder could see his super-show melting away by the moment. “Now look here, Mr. Tubber…”
“I have told thee that I forbid being addressed as Mister…” The cult leader was beginning to breathe deeply, and for the second time Ed Wonder and Helen Fontaine witnessed his seeming growth in size.
“All right, all right,” Ed said, peevish himself. “All I can say is you don’t seem very grateful for this opportunity to reach all these good folk tuned in for a bit of entertainment.”
“Entertainment!” Tubber thundered. “Yes, entertainment! Thou hast brought me before the snickering multitudes to be presented as a freak, as a crank. I knew not the nature of your program, Edward Wonder.” He began coming to his feet.
Nefertiti moaned, “Oh, no,” so softly that none heard.
Buzz De Kemp had brought a stogie from his coat pocket and placed it in his mouth. He was grinning around it happily. He said now, “Face facts, Zeke, old boy. The only chance you’ve got of spreading your word around, is by the use of radio and TV. People just aren’t interested in treking out to sit on wooden chairs in tents. They want their entertainment piped into their homes. And, believe me, if you want to put your story over, you’re going to have to spice it up. Get a few jollies into it.” He laughed.
To his horror, Ed Wonder could see, through the heavy glass of the studio wall, Jensen Fontaine, immediately followed by a blowing Matthew Mulligan, come storming in the direction of Jerry’s control booth. Ed closed his eyes in suffering.
He opened them to find Ezekiel Joshua Tubber seemingly reared a full six and a half feet, one clinched fist on high.
“Radio!” he trumpeted. “Now verily do I curse radio, this invention of evil which in truth hast robbed our people of all individuality. Which hast verily made of them unthinking clods awaiting foolish entertainment.”
“Oh, brother,” Buzz said happily.
“…the power…” Nefertiti moaned.
Ezekiel Joshua Tubber spun on his heel and began storming the studio door, Nefertiti chasing after him.
Ed Wonder sank back into his chair with a groan. In the control room he could see Mulligan and Fontaine. The soundproofing prevented his hearing what were obvious shouts of command on the part of the red-faced tycoon. However, Jerry didn’t seem overly concerned at their words. The radio engineer was scowling down at his controls, fiddling with dials and switches.
PART TWO
5
“To rescue what could be rescued from the debacle”, Ed Wonder said hurriedly into his mike, “Well, folks, I’m afraid things have come a cropper tonight. Of course, that can happen on the best of shows when everything’s off the cuff and you’re dealing with guests who are non-pros. So we’ll have a bit of music now and possible later I’ll fill you in with a little background on what we expected to present to you tonight. Jerry, let the music go round!”