Irvine: Does drinking help you achieve peace.
Blake: It's a quick road to oblivion, and I would describe oblivion as being at peace.
Irvine: Don't you like your memories?
Blake: (Gave no answer)
Irvine: Can you recall a bad memory for me?
Blake: I've found men dead of cold in the gutter, and I've watched men die violently because anger drives others to the point of insanity. The human mind is so fragile that any powerful emotion can overturn its precepts.
Irvine: I'm more interested in memories from before you took to the streets.
Blake: (Gave no answer)
Irvine: Do you think it's possible to recover from the kind of insanity you've just described?
Blake: Are you talking about rehabilitation or salvation?
Irvine: Either. Do you believe in salvation?
Blake: I believe in hell. Not the burning hell and torment of the Inquisition, but the frozen hell of eternal despair where love is absent. It's difficult to conceive how salvation can enter such a place unless God exists. Only divine intervention can save a soul condemned forever to exist in the loneliness of the bottomless pit.
Irvine: Do you believe in God?
Blake: I believe that each of us has the potential for divinity. If salvation is possible then it can only happen in the here and now. You and I will be judged by the efforts we make to keep another's soul from eternal despair.
Irvine: Is saving that other soul a passport to heaven?
Blake: (Gave no answer)
Irvine: Can we earn salvation for ourselves?
Blake: Not if we fail others.
Irvine: Who will judge us?
Blake: We judge ourselves. Our future, be it now or in the hereafter, is defined by our present.
Irvine: Have you failed someone, Billy?
Blake: (Gave no answer)
Irvine: I may be wrong but you seem to have judged and condemned yourself already. Why is that when you believe in salvation for others?
Blake: I'm still searching for truth.
Irvine: It's a very bleak philosophy, Billy. Is there no room for happiness in your life?
Blake: I get drunk whenever I can.
Irvine: Does that make you happy?
Blake: Of course, but then I define happiness as intellectual absence. Your definition is probably different.
Irvine: Do you want to talk about what you did that makes stupefied oblivion your only way of coping with your memories?
Blake: I suffer in the present, Doctor, not the past.
Irvine: Do you enjoy suffering?
Blake: Yes, if it inspires compassion. There's no way out of hell except through God's mercy.
Irvine: Why enter hell at all? Can you not redeem yourself now?
Blake: My own redemption doesn't interest me.
(Billy refused to say anything further on the subject and we talked for several minutes on general subjects until the session ended.)
*6*
There were two Christmas cards on Deacon's desk one morning. The first was from his sister, Emma. "Hugh keeps seeing your byline in The Street so we're assuming this will find you," she had written. "We are none of us getting any younger, so isn't it time we called a truce? At least ring me if you won't ring Ma. Surely it's not that difficult to say sorry and start again." The other was from his first wife, Julia. "I bumped into Emma the other day and she said you're working for The Street. Apparently your mother's been very ill this last year but Emma has promised she won't tell you because Penelope doesn't want you coming back out of guilt or pity. As I've made no such promise, I thought you should know. However, unless you've changed radically in the last five years, you'll probably tear this up and do nothing about it. You were always more stubborn than Penelope."
As Julia had predicted he tore up her card, but stood Emma's on his desk.
Despite spending long hours on Paul Garrety's computer in an attempt to make a match between Billy Blake's image and James Streeter's, Deacon got nowhere. Paul pointed out that it would always be a waste of time unless he could find a better picture of James. "You're not comparing like with like," he explained. "Billy's shots are full-face and the one of James is three-quarter. You need to go back to his wife and see what she's got in the way of old snapshots."
"It's a waste of time, period," said Deacon in disgust, tilting back his chair and staring at the faces. "They're two different men."
"Which is what I've been telling you for the last three days. Why can't you accept it?"
"Because I don't believe in coincidences. It makes sense if Billy was James and none at all if he wasn't." He ticked the points off on his fingers. "James had a reason to seek out his wife-a stranger didn't. Amanda paid for his funeral out of guilt, but her guilt is only logical if she was burying her husband-illogical if she was burying a stranger. She's obsessed with finding out who Billy was, but why if he was completely unknown to her?'' He rapped out a tattoo on the desk. "I think she's telling the truth when she says she didn't know he was there. I also think she's telling the truth when she says she didn't recognize him. But I'm convinced she rapidly came to the conclusion afterwards that the man who died in her garage was James."
Paul was doubtful. "Why didn't she tell the police?"
"Out of fear that they'd think she locked him in the garage on purpose."
"Then why get you interested? Why not let the story die?"
Deacon shrugged. "I can think of two reasons. The first, simple curiosity. She wants to know what happened to James after he walked out of her life. The second, freedom. Until he's declared officially dead, she'll always be tied to him."
"She could divorce him tomorrow on the grounds of desertion."
"But as far as everyone else was concerned he'd still be alive, which means people like me would always be turning up on her doorstep asking questions."
Paul shook his head. "That's a crap argument, Mike. Now if you'd said she wanted him declared dead for mercenary reasons, I'd probably go along with you. Let's say he spoke to her before he died and told her how to lay her hands on his fortune. As his widow she'd inherit the lot. Think on that, my friend."
"My theory only works if she didn't speak to him," declared Deacon mildly. "We're into a whole new ball game if she did. In any case, it looks to me as if she got her hands on the fortune a long time ago."
"You've never been in the ball game, chum. That guy-he tapped the photograph of Billy Blake-"is not James Streeter."
"Then who was he and what the hell was he doing in her garage?"
"Get Barry on to it. He's your best bet."
"I've tried already. He doesn't know. Whoever Billy was he's not in Barry's files."
Paul Garrety looked surprised. "Did he tell you that?" Deacon nodded. "Then how come he strings me along for weeks before he'll admit defeat?"
"Perhaps you've upset him," said Deacon with unconscious irony.
With time on his hands the weekend before Christmas, Deacon telephoned Kenneth Streeter, mentioned his conversation with John, and asked if he could drive out to Bromley and have a chat with James's parents. Kenneth was friendlier and more amenable than his younger son, and made an appointment for the Sunday afternoon.
They lived in a tired-looking terraced house in an unfashionable road, and Deacon was struck by the contrast between this and Amanda's house. Where had her money come from? He rang the doorbell and smiled pleasantly at the elderly man who opened the door. "Michael Deacon," he said, offering his hand.
Kenneth ignored the hand but gestured him inside. "You'd better come in," he said ungraciously, "but only because I don't want our neighbors listening to what I have to say." He closed the door but kept Deacon pinned behind it in the dark hallway. "I don't take kindly to being tricked, Mr. Deacon. You gave me to understand that John would approve of my talking to you, but I spoke to him this morning and discovered that the opposite is true. I will not allow the press to drive a wedge between me and my remaining son, so I'm afraid this has been a wasted trip for you." He reached for the door handle again. "Good day to you."