‘I didn’t disturb her – naturally she didn’t want to speak to me about her plans, but I just wanted to know what you thought about it and whether you supported her.’
‘It’s not a question of whether we support her…’ began Callum.
‘I suppose what I’m saying is… shouldn’t you be trying to dissuade her?’
‘I really don’t see it’s any of your business,’ said Helen. ‘I mean, it’s not as if you are direct family.’
‘Well, I’m direct family – as you call it,’ said Leah, emerging into the room, ‘and I think it stinks.’
‘Leah! Really, I don’t think we should be having this conversation,’ said Helen. ‘And if you are…’
‘Letting Gran go off and kill herself…’
‘I know you’re upset about this, Leah,’ said Callum, interrupting his daughter. ‘It’s quite understandable. It’s upsetting for all of us.’
‘Neither of you seem very upset,’ said Leah.
‘Leah, honestly…’
Callum held up his hand to silence his wife and daughter. ‘Leah, we’ll talk about this again later – and Jake, I’m sure you mean well, but I think it’s really a matter for my mother and, to some extent, for us. I don’t think you should get involved.’
‘No, of course. I’m not involved and I don’t want to be,’ said Jake. ‘I simply wanted to know…’
‘I’ll just say this to both of you,’ said Callum. ‘I don’t want my mother to die yet, and I am trying to persuade her to change her mind. But several years ago I promised her I would support her if, one day, she wanted to choose an assisted death. If she remains determined, then I will honour that promise. Now let’s go and eat and talk about something else.’
While conversation at dinner limped and meandered around topics designed not to cause upset or embarrassment to anyone, Jake contemplated their earlier exchanges. Not surprising that they should be a little hostile, he thought; it is, after all, none of my business. Marianne is the sort of person well able to make up her own mind and it can’t be an easy situation for Callum. All the same, what Leah had said about not being very upset…
Jake was shaken from his contemplation when a situation arose after dinner – no doubt carefully engineered – which he had hoped to avoid; as he loaded plates into the dishwasher he heard the door close and he found himself alone in the kitchen with Helen.
‘So what’s going on between you and Leah?’ she said, standing with her back to the door.
Jake had no objection to being honest with Helen, but was unsure what, if anything, Leah had said to her mother. He was also in some doubt how to describe the current state of their relationship.
‘Shouldn’t you ask Leah that?’ he said.
Helen ignored his comment. ‘I am extremely upset and disappointed with you. Leah has just finished school – we thought you were looking after her. We trusted you. You were giving her some work experience.’
‘She’s eighteen, you know, and…’
‘Yes, and you are twenty-six and her cousin. You are a close relation and you have exploited a position of trust in a really shocking way. Do you remember, Jake, when we were over here the year after your sister died? You took Emma and Leah out for a hamburger. Two little girls aged twelve and ten. You were like an uncle to them. And that’s how it should have remained.’
‘People grow up…’
‘I think it’s a disgrace and you should stop seeing her. I don’t want her going to your office anymore either.’
Jake shrugged. ‘Of course, if she doesn’t want to.’
‘I’m asking you to show adult responsibility – I don’t intend to let this go…’
Fortunately for Jake, he was rescued by Leah’s return to the kitchen and the subject was not alluded to again. After a decent interval, he took his leave and Leah came down to the street with him.
‘Was Mum giving you the third degree?’
‘Afraid so.’
‘I came as soon as I realised you were alone with her.’
‘Thanks.’
‘I’ll walk to the station with you.’
As they walked up the road and back across the Cathedral piazza neither spoke, but Leah took his hand. When they reached the station, she gave him a chaste kiss. ‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘I won’t give up on this and neither must you.’
31
Marianne screwed up the piece of paper and threw it into the bin. She rubbed her cold and painful hands and called to Anna to check the thermostat. Well, the oil should last another week and then it won’t be my problem anymore, she thought. No more problems – except for this letter to Callum, and, of course, there was still Anna. But first of all, Callum; she took another piece of paper and wrote, My darling Callum, then she stopped as the telephone rang.
It was Helen. This was an unusual event and Marianne wondered what had provoked the call; Helen didn’t take long to get to the point. Was it true she had encouraged Leah to start a sexual relationship with Jake? Marianne didn’t feel any need to apologise. She denied encouraging her, but yes, Leah had implied that something was going on with Jake and she saw no reason to criticise – indeed she had been delighted at the news. She then had to listen to Helen’s many objections before the call came to an awkward and unresolved ending.
‘Some problem?’ said Anna.
‘I’m in trouble with Helen. She objects to Leah’s involvement with Jake.’
‘Is that your fault?’
‘She thinks I encouraged it.’
Anna laughed. ‘I was surprised when you tell me – but I like Jake. I think he’s OK for Leah. You should ask him to visit you again – I think he made you cheerful, no?’
‘Jake – yes, I did enjoy his visit. Anyway, I must get on with this letter.’
‘OK, I will leave you for half an hour and go to the shop; we need more coffee if Callum is coming tomorrow – just Callum, is it?’
‘Yes, just Callum.’
Marianne turned her attention back to the letter, but the telephone rang again. This time it was Nikhita Singh, the nurse she had seen at the clinic, checking to see how she was coping.
‘I know it can be a difficult time,’ she said.
Not half, Marianne thought, as she assured her nurse that she was coping fine.
Turning back to the letter again, the right words wouldn’t come. No, leaving a letter for Callum till after she was dead wasn’t the right way; she realised that now. What she had to say must be said to his face.
When Callum arrived the following day, he greeted her cheerfully, chatted to Anna, and appeared to Marianne to be surprisingly relaxed; no sign of someone being buffeted in the vortex of the family’s angst about her decision to end her life. Then she thought, is it because he doesn’t have Helen with him? Callum sat down in a chair close to hers and held her hand.
‘So what on earth was Jake doing coming to see you?’ he said.
‘Sent by Claire, of course.’
‘Even so, I’m surprised you let him.’
‘Well, I wasn’t going to, but somehow he persuaded me and I’m glad he did. He’s a charming boy and I think he might be interested in finishing off the diaries.’
‘Yes, he mentioned that to me – which, of course, was quite unnecessary since you know I don’t care about all that stuff. What he really wanted to do was to tell me I shouldn’t let you go.’
‘You mustn’t blame Jake, or Dorrie, or anyone else. They are just doing what they think they have to.’
‘You realise Jake is not exactly flavour of the month in our household?’