‘That’s not true…’
‘This must be stopped. Marianne, I beg you! I will go to the police – I will rescue you. You two, you are criminals…’
‘Stop it, Anna! Stop this at once.’ Marianne’s words, sharper and more authoritative than she expected, silenced Anna. ‘I will say it again. This is my decision. I have been thinking about it for years. I have written you a letter, Anna, which says everything that I can’t say now. I love you like a daughter, but it’s time to say goodbye. Please don’t make this harder for me than it already is. Come and kiss me and say goodbye and then you must leave.’
Like an obedient child, stunned into silence, Anna knelt again beside Marianne, kissed her and buried her head on Marianne’s lap for a few seconds then, putting her hands to her face, she ran out of the room. Callum followed her, shutting the door behind him. A few moments later Marianne heard the front door slam.
It was nearly ten o’clock that evening when Jake answered Anna’s call. As soon as he spoke to Anna he realised that she had been told that Marianne was going ahead.
‘I’m sorry, but I didn’t know who else to speak to,’ she said. ‘I thought of calling Leah but I didn’t have her number.’
‘That’s OK. Actually, Leah’s here with me.’
‘Shit, is that Anna? What’s happening?’ said Leah.
‘You don’t sound very shocked,’ said Anna.
‘The thing is, Anna, I knew this might happen. Marianne wrote to my grandmother a couple of weeks ago and told her she had booked into an AD clinic. I spoke to Marianne about it when I came up to see her. Leah was told by her parents.’
‘You English – sometimes you are so cold.’
‘Anna, that’s not fair. I was very upset to hear about it. I tried to dissuade her and afterwards I went to talk to Callum and Helen. But it’s not as if I’m a son or grandson – I really can’t interfere – you know, old people sometimes prefer to go this way.’
‘What the fuck are you saying?’ shouted Leah into Jake’s other ear. ‘Here, let me talk to her,’ and, grabbing the phone, she demanded a blow-by-blow account from Anna. Jake was unable to hear the full conversation but it was clear that Leah was directing most of her anger towards her parents.
‘So this conversation happened half an hour after they arrived? And they did nothing to try to dissuade her? Unbelievable – they’ve totally fucking lied to me. Tomorrow… Jesus… yes, I agree. Persuade Jake – yes, I’ll pass you over to him now.’
‘We’ve got to go there,’ Leah hissed into his ear.
Jake could sense the mood of hysteria growing between Anna and Leah. He tried to reason with Anna.
‘This is very distressing for all of us, Anna, but have you considered that it might be the right decision for her?’
‘But it’s not right for her. She is not ill – maybe just a bit depressed. And she has a good brain still. I know. I see more of her than anyone. Why does no one talk to me?’
‘I don’t know – I suppose they found it difficult to break the news to you.’
‘You must come to her immediately. Both of you. She likes you. You could make all the difference.’
‘I could try to call her again. Would that help?’
‘I am trying to call Dad now,’ said Leah.
‘No,’ said Anna. ‘I have tried many times to call the house but all calls just go to voicemail. You have to come yourself.’
‘Anna, I really don’t see that I can. I’m not sure it’s right for me to try to intervene.’
‘Not sure it’s right. I don’t know what that means. I’m sure it is right. You could prevent her killing herself. She could have years more life. She told me she was hoping you could help her with the old diaries. You and Leah are the only ones who can save her now.’
‘Anna, if Callum supports what she is doing, I don’t see what I can do.’
‘Callum! He is weak man. I am sorry, but it is true. Helen pushes him around. I have seen it. I think if Marianne has you and Leah on her side she will change her mind.’
For a long time Anna sought to persuade him to intervene while he tried to explain why it was impossible. Eventually, he promised to think about it and talk it over with Leah. Really, this is so unfair, he thought. Why am I being made to feel responsible for Marianne’s death. Christ, why does she have to do this – and why now?
‘Neither Dad nor Mum are picking up,’ said Leah. ‘Shit, I can’t believe they’re letting this happen. We’ve got to go.’
‘Leah, have you any idea how difficult it would be – I mean, turning up uninvited – when Marianne obviously doesn’t want us around?’
‘OK, fine if you won’t come – but I’m going anyway. I’ll take an early train.’
Jake sighed. ‘I’d like to go, but tomorrow… Charlie wanted everyone in – I’m not sure exactly why. That actually includes you, Leah.’
‘Tough. I’m going. I’ve got money for the train and taxi – but I wish you’d come with me. You can talk to the office from the train. They just think of me as a child. It needs both of us to make a difference.’
Neither Jake nor Leah slept much that night. Jake continued to protest that it might be better not to intervene, but Leah remained adamant that she would go anyway. At five thirty in the morning Jake sensed that Leah had finally gone to sleep. Creeping out of bed, he went into the living room, made some tea and checked the news on his tablet. He read the lead story with incredulity. What the fuck! They’ve launched their AD exposé – Mills and Charlie – today of all days. No wonder Charlie wanted everyone in the office.
By the time Leah’s alarm went off at 6.30 he had come to a decision. He sent a message to Charlie saying that his great-aunt was dying and he would have to go to Cambridge, but would stay in touch. He knew that aunts of any description didn’t count for much in the scale of office excuses – but bugger it, this was a bit different. He couldn’t see that the AD exposé was anything to do with him and even if they couldn’t persuade Marianne to change her mind – and he gave them very little chance on that score – they could at least say goodbye.
35
Contrary to her original intention, Marianne had not drugged herself to sleep. What was it her mother used to say? You are dead a long time. Instead, she sat up late sending messages – a final farewell to Claire, other messages to her remaining friends, individual notes saying goodbye. One or two had replied immediately. Their remarks touched her deeply. The whole process was painful, but also comforting; a voluntary death should be tidy – no loose ends.
Eventually she had fallen asleep and dreamed that she was dead – but at the same time able to observe how the world was reacting. They were all there – all her close friends and relations, it was some kind of wake in her garden. There was a grave dug near the pond and beside it, on a pair of trestles, was her coffin, draped in a white lacy tablecloth and covered in drinks and canapés. They were all dressed for summer – Anna and her boyfriend Stefans, excited about the money they had got; that was nice to see. Callum and Helen, shocked how little money she had left, were complaining to Claire about the size of the mortgage; the house was already sold and they were flying back to Australia the next day. Dorrie was walking up and down with Edward, muttering imprecations that he should never have let her go. Even her parents were mysteriously there – sipping champagne on the stone seat – and who were those two teenagers kissing by the laurel bushes? It looked like Jake and, yes, Fran, but surely that couldn’t be right…