It was Nikhita Singh who took charge. ‘I am going to take Marianne up to her room. There will be plenty of time for the family to get together with her when she is settled. Perhaps if you could all stay down here for the time being,’ and, with a nod to the orderly, Marianne was wheeled to the lifts followed by the nurse.
It was a relief to Marianne when the lift door closed and she was away from her family. Only now did she take in that Leah had come to say goodbye and Jake must have been there too, judging by the remarks of Helen. Oh well, she thought, I could have done without it, but it’s touching all the same.
Her room felt very much like any room in a private hospital or nursing home, except perhaps for the over-large television screen at the end of the bed. She wondered what happened next. Her unspoken question was answered by the nurse. Although it was ‘optional’, most patients preferred to undress; this would make Marianne ‘more comfortable’. She nodded her acquiescence. With the nurse’s help Marianne undressed and put on a hospital gown. After a visit to the bathroom she was helped into bed and propped up with several pillows behind her back.
Downstairs, Marianne’s family had been shown into a private waiting room where coffee and tea were available from a machine. After the initial flurry of exclamations, an uneasy quiet had descended on the room while they queued to make themselves a hot drink. Their silence was broken by a knock at the door and the entrance of Anna.
‘So you are part of this gang as well,’ said Helen.
‘Gang?’ said Anna.
Callum sighed. ‘Come on in, Anna. Get yourself a coffee, and let’s all sit down and we can talk quietly.’
It was Leah who launched the initial attack. ‘Dad – you said that Gran had changed her mind.’
‘I never said that. If you remember, all I said was that I got the feeling she was going to change her mind.’
‘And you were trying to persuade her – but you never did. Anna told us. You just arrived, and…’
‘Leah, listen to me for a minute. I know that this is particularly hard for you at your age…’
‘My age – why is my age an issue…?’
‘Because you’re too young to understand properly…’ said Helen.
‘Shut up, Mum – I’m talking to Dad…’
‘Don’t speak to me like that.’
‘Am I too young as well?’ said Anna. ‘I’ve looked after Marianne for over five years. So I have some knowledge…’
‘This is a family matter. I don’t know why you are here,’ said Helen.
Callum raised his hands. ‘Please. We are going to embarrass ourselves, squabbling like this. I’m dealing with Leah’s question. Darling, I have tried on many occasions in the last few weeks to persuade Gran to change her mind. But she has remained determined and I think we have to respect that.’
‘You didn’t try yesterday.’
‘Actually, I did, after Anna had gone – and again this morning.’
At this statement from her father Leah paused, and Jake thought it was time he joined the discussion. He had prepared a little speech in his head, on which he now embarked.
‘Callum – we all know that you want to do your best for your mother. But I would like to ask you whether you think it’s the right decision for her. We – that is, Leah and I – and particularly Anna, who, as she said, has looked after Marianne for the last five years, feel that she still has a lot to live for. She talked to me about these diaries she’s been translating. I would like to help her with this. I realise it’s the eleventh hour, but we came today because we felt that if we all told her how much we want her to go on living, then she might change her mind.’
As Jake finished speaking, Anna gave a little clap. ‘Well said. We just want her to go on living while she is still well…’
‘That’s what we all want, dear,’ said Helen, ‘but we have to listen to what she wants.’
‘So that’s what you want, is it?’ said Anna.
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘I think you prefer her to die now…’
‘How dare you? You disgust me. And we all know why you want her to go on – so you can extort more money from her…’
‘Never! I never ask for money…’
‘Please, please,’ Callum said, once again raising his arms. ‘We mustn’t fight amongst ourselves while Marianne is all alone upstairs. Helen, my love, I think you ought to go and keep her company, and I’ll continue this conversation down here.’
Helen nodded, and with a last ferocious look at Anna she left the room. For a while no one spoke. Jake looked at Callum; a nervous flicker had got hold of one of his eyelids. He looked grey and miserable. He admired the way Callum had defused the situation and removed Helen from the scene. Poor man, Jake thought, he’s under intolerable strain and we have not helped. He watched as Callum got up and went over to Leah and sat down beside her. Putting his arm around her, he pulled her head onto his shoulder. ‘This is agony for all of us,’ he said.
Jake felt uncomfortable. Leah should be allowed some time with her father. Glancing at Anna, he got up and moved towards the door. ‘We’ll leave you for a minute…’
‘No, don’t go.’
‘You and Leah need some privacy…’
‘No, come and sit down, Jake. We need to tackle this together.’
Jake returned to his seat while Callum got up and started walking slowly around the room. ‘I want to try to answer your question, Jake. Do I think she is making the right decision?’ He stopped to stare at an abstract water colour on the wall. A swirl of blue and mauve – chosen no doubt to complement the seat covers of the chairs. ‘No, from my perspective it’s the wrong decision – there is no need for her to end her life now.’
‘So why don’t we just…’
‘Hear me out, Leah, darling. Of course I wish this wasn’t happening. But it’s not just a question of what I think. My mother is a highly intelligent woman. She has thought about this deeply over several years. It’s impossible for any of us to know what it feels like to be in her position. It’s not for me to make this decision for her. I have tried to talk her out of it – but I haven’t succeeded. What am I to do? Wash my hands of the whole thing? She doesn’t need my consent. Would you rather she came here in a taxi to end her life alone? Believe me, this is the hardest day of my life, but I must be brave for her sake. And so must you all.’
For a while no one spoke. Then Anna said, ‘You should have told me earlier. If I had known, I am sure I could have talked her out of it.’
‘That was her decision.’
‘So what happens now?’ said Leah. ‘Can I go and see her?’
‘What do you want to say to her?’
‘To make one last plea…’
‘I don’t think she would welcome that.’
‘Of course we wouldn’t want to distress her,’ said Jake, ‘but that is why we’ve come…’
‘Look, I will go up and talk to my mother now. I’ll tell her what you want to say and let her decide whether she wants you to come up.’
Marianne lay back on the bed with her eyes shut, while Helen paced around the room, tut-tutting about the arrival of Jake and Leah. ‘This is just a bit of journalistic voyeurism for him,’ she said. ‘I wish to God I’d found something else to occupy Leah’s time. This must be so upsetting for you.’
Marianne didn’t have the energy or inclination to reply. Outside she could hear whispered discussion amongst the staff. Something odd is going on, she thought, and it’s not just to do with Leah and Jake. She was relieved when Callum came up and sat on the side of the bed. He told her about the intended deputation downstairs.
‘They want to come up and make a joint plea to you – a plea to go on living, is how they put it.’