Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to Hell I go.
Chapter Seven
Through the portal that led to my uncle’s quarters, Karra and I were in Hell just a short while after we were dressed. She was excited to go, the tome and case intriguing her and driving her into a frenzy of curious energy. While I was interested, too, it was more of a how will this save my ass? kind of adventure. Unless the book was the Kama Sutra of the Otherverse, and I didn’t think it was-there weren’t any pictures-it was like lugging around an old textbook. Sure, that kind of thing was useful when you needed to pass a test, but it sat in the closet collecting dust, otherwise.
“Why are you so riled up?” I asked.
She grinned as we wound our way through Lucifer’s chambers. “The idea of something beyond our existence fascinates me. It’s what drew me to necromancy-among other things.” Karra’s smile flickered for an instant, likely remembering her quest to reanimate her father, Longinus-the Anti-Christ-and the cause of his death: my uncle, whose chambers we were now roaming. A second later the smile was back. “I’d love to see what else God deigned to create.”
“Preferably dead and under a microscope.” The very last thing I wanted was an army of Hasstor-like beings invading Earth and giving her a firsthand glimpse of alien life. I shivered as I recalled Hasstor’s squirmy appendage. It gave the term violation a whole new meaning.
As we passed the corridor that led to the God-proof room, I waved Karra on ahead. “I need to stash this somewhere, and it’s probably safest if you don’t know where it is. I can pull it out later for a closer look.”
“You’re still talking about the book, right?”
“Mostly.”
She laughed and shooed me off. “I’ll be down the hall.”
Once she was, I made my way to the only room in existence-as far as I knew-that no one, to include God, could see or send their senses into from the outside. A gift to Lucifer from God himself, it was the supernatural equivalent to a super powered safe room. Once inside, I found a good spot to hide the tome and made my way back to Karra. She stood at the entrance to the room where Asmoday had been murdered. I had the dread fiends open the place back up afterward, seeing no point in keeping it sealed since it wasn’t being used as a prison cell.
“You feel better now that you’ve done your manly duty and protected me from the mean old book?”
“As a matter of fact, yes, and please stop impugning what little bit of my manhood I have left.”
She laughed and followed me inside as I pretended to pout. She was only joking, seeing how she was the more powerful of us, but she was right on the truth. I was trying to protect her. Lucifer hadn’t passed on anything about the book or what its significance was. Who knew what it was meant for or who would be scrambling to get their hands on it? I sure didn’t, but it didn’t take a genius to realize he wouldn’t have me stashing it in the God-proof room if he wanted it to be found. That was a pretty good indication someone would have cause to look for it. There was no way I wanted Karra in the middle of any more of Lucifer’s bullshit.
She glanced around the room and raised her hands after peeking into the side chamber. “Where’s it at?”
I went over to the bed and patted the mattress.
“Really? Do you think I’m that easy?”
“A guy can only hope.” I grinned and tossed the bed aside, revealing the hole that had been dug beneath it. “Follow me.” I hopped down inside, and Karra dropped beside me a moment later.
As we made our way through the tunnel, which led to the case chamber, I could hear Karra snorting behind me. “If this is your idea of a good time, I’m going to have to reassess our relationship, buddy.”
The stench of dread fiends was in the air. The room before the chamber was filled with thousands of them, all awaiting orders. It made for a horrific cloud of funk, but you couldn’t find a better guard dog to protect your valuables. They didn’t chew up your furniture or shit on the rug…unless you’re into that kind of stuff.
“Once we’re through the next chamber, the stink will taper off.” I heard her laugh and mumble something under her breath. I could only assume it was a joke about men and their penchant for fun smells.
Inside the massive fiend room, I waved the creatures aside and they parted like a brown and stinky Red Sea. Moses would be so jealous. Once they were out of the way, I headed for the room that contained the case. As soon as we walked inside, flares sprung to life along the walls, illuminating the room with magical light. Karra gasped. Fortunately I’d been right about the smell dying down.
The walls had been carved into the shape of a pentagram, sharp corners jutting inward and then back out, giving the chamber a very claustrophobic feeling. It made you want to get to the middle quickly to avoid being impaled on the walls.
In the center sat the case, shards of warded glass still on the ground. I hadn’t instructed the fiends to clean that up, because there was no telling what kind of latent magic might still be embedded into the glass. It was better to leave it alone rather than risk unleashing something.
The hole in the wall, where the case’s guest had tunneled its way out, was something more mundane. The fiends had filled that, and I’d posted a couple dozen of them on the other side, just in case the thing wanted to come back. It worried me the dread fiends hadn’t ripped the guy-for lack of a better word-apart when he killed Asmoday. I hoped he’d just avoided the creatures somehow and didn’t have the means to make them obey him. It had been a surprise to learn they would listen to me, so there was no telling who else they took orders from. I wasn’t completely happy with the illusion of safety, but it’d have to do.
Karra went to the case and examined it. I watched her as she did, her eyes growing wider at every turn. Smartly, she avoided the pile of broken glass as she circled.
“This is amazing. The script is so fluid, so perfect. Whatever was in here must be unbelievably powerful to have escaped.”
Yeah, that’s what I wanted to hear. “You understand any of the gibberish.”
She shook her head. “Only that it was used to lock something inside, but you already knew that.” She ran her hand along one of the intact panes. “It’s two problems in one. I’ve no clue what language it’s written in, so not knowing that screws me out of understanding the manner in which the spell is being applied.”
“So, it’s still a mystery,” I mumbled. “Maybe Lucifer has some information stashed somewhere that sheds a little light on his ex-trophy.” A bit frustrated, I headed toward the fiend room. Karra followed me after a moment, clearly reluctant to leave the case.
Once we were back in my uncle’s private chambers, we split off and headed to different sides. I’d been in here a bunch of times recently, but I’d never really torn the place apart looking for anything. I’d always felt it was some kind of violation of my uncle’s private space to be digging through it all. Now, having learned about his efforts to keep me and Karra apart-and his lies to me-that feeling was long gone; dead and buried. It was one thing to play errand boy and stash the book he’d sent, but it was another to believe his world was sacrosanct any more. If hiding the tome helped the Earth, I was all for it, but I wasn’t gonna worry about his feelings when it came to me rifling his shit. Karra didn’t care to begin with.
She was perusing the shelves across the room, pulling each book off and shaking it out, then dropping it before moving on to the next. Normally, I’d have said something, but I had the fiends to clean up the mess. If trashing Lucifer’s chambers made her feel better about all the crap he put her through, then I was all for it.
I went to work.
Hours later, I’d found squat to do with the case or the strange language, and absolutely nothing about any dimensions beyond ours. My eyes blurred and my back throbbed. I fell back into a pile of scattered papers and growled. The beer I’d missed out on earlier was calling my name.