“You can drink from the pool yourself,” he mewed crossly.
There was a moment’s silence, then, “Please!”
How could she beg like that? She was almost a warrior! Jaypaw padded to her nest and leaned in till he felt his whiskers brush hers. “Your leg’s going to be fine,” he snapped. “But only if you use it!”
“But what if it isn’t?” Cinderpaw mewed pitifully.
As she spoke, Jaypaw’s mind filled with a violent swirl of images and noise. His heart seemed to pitch in his chest like a leaf tossed on waves. He was standing on a thin strip of grass, a Thunderpath as wide as the lake stretching in front of him. A roar filled his ears, and he crouched in terror as a silver monster hurtled by, so close its wind flattened his fur.
Another roared in the opposite direction. His eyes stung with their choking scent as monster after monster howled by.
Suddenly one broke from its path, careering toward him.
He struggled to flee, but his paws wouldn’t grip the slippery grass. Then a lightning bolt of pain pierced his leg and the world turned black.
He blinked open his eyes. Brightness flooded his gaze, sharper than sunlight. Ferns sprang around him, and the ground was soft with fragrant grass. He was lying in a glade, the clear blue sky glittering through the leaves overhead.
Squinting, he recognized Bluestar and Yellowfang muttering together near the entrance to a narrow tunnel. Every now and then one of them would steal an anxious glance toward him.
A dull pain throbbed in his leg and when he tried to move, it felt limp and lifeless.
“You’re doing really well.” Firestar was leaning over him, his face framed with soft fur like that of a much younger cat.
His green eyes were round with grief. “No, you’ll never be a warrior,” he whispered suddenly. “I’m sorry.”
This is Cinderpelt’s memory! Jaypaw fought the pain that seemed to crack his heart. Despair and panic clawed his belly. I’ve lost everything. Everything!
“Jaypaw!” Cinderpaw’s worried mew jolted Jaypaw back to the present.
“I thought you didn’t know…” Jaypaw breathed, trying to scrabble back to his own reality.
“Know what?” Cinderpaw sounded puzzled.
“Cinderpelt…” Jaypaw began unsteadily. He paused, feeling Cinderpaw’s whiskers brush his paws.
“She was the medicine cat before Leafpool, right?” she prompted.
“What’s going on?” Leafpool burst into the den. “What are you talking about?”
Jaypaw turned, battered by the storm of fear and anger flooding from his mentor. “She knows about Cinderpelt,” he breathed.
The moss in Cinderpaw’s nest rustled. “Knows what?”
But Jaypaw hardly heard the apprentice. He could feel Leafpool’s hot breath on his face.
“She does not know,” she hissed. “She must never know, understand?”
He flattened his ears, drawing back. “But… but… she remembered!” he stammered.
Leafpool shouldered past him. “Don’t worry, Cinderpaw,” she soothed. “Jaypaw was just wondering if Cinderpelt might have tried a different remedy for your leg.”
Liar! Jaypaw flushed hot with anger. Why was she so determined to keep this secret?
Leafpool’s tail swished over her patient’s pelt.
“I knew you couldn’t make it better.” Cinderpaw’s mew was barely more than a whisper. “I’m never going to be a warrior, am I?”
“You need to rest,” Leafpool told her. “Your ears feel hot.”
Moss rustled as she fussed with Cinderpaw’s nest. “Jaypaw?” she called over her shoulder. “Bring Cinderpaw some water, please.”
Jaypaw stomped to the pool, picked a wad of moss from the pile kept beside it, and dipped it into the cold water. If she spoils her like this, of course her leg’ll never get better. Leafpool was wrong about everything! He dropped the soaking moss beside Cinderpaw’s nest and padded out of the den.
Frustration with Leafpool tangled with the vision of monsters and the echo of pain in his leg. He stood beside the bramble patch and breathed deeply, hoping the fresh air would clear his thoughts.
“Jaypaw?” Leafpool’s mew surprised him.
“I thought you’d still be fussing over your patient,” he snapped.
“I’m sorry I was short with you,” Leafpool apologized. “But she mustn’t find out.”
“Why not?” Jaypaw demanded.
“Because it isn’t fair.” Leafpool sat down heavily. “She can’t be influenced by her last life; don’t you see?”
“But you’re inf luenced by it,” Jaypaw argued. “Are you really treating her the same way you’d treat Poppypaw or Honeypaw? Every time you go near her, your thoughts are filled with Cinderpelt.”
Even as he spoke, he glimpsed memories flashing through Leafpool’s mind: of a badger forcing its way into the nursery and snapping at Cinderpelt as she stood in front of Sorreltail’s newborn kits. “You’re doing it now!” he accused. “It’s not your fault Cinderpelt died.”
“But it is!” Leafpool’s mew was thick with grief. “If I hadn’t left the Clan…”
Fog instantly shrouded her thoughts, shutting Jaypaw out.
“You mustn’t keep doing that!” she snapped. “It’s not fair!”
“I can’t help it,” Jaypaw told her. “It just happens.”
“Nothing ever ‘just happens’ with you, Jaypaw,” she mewed.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jaypaw could feel Leafpool struggling to push away her anger.
“Nothing,” she mewed. Weariness suddenly seemed to engulf her. “StarClan sent Cinderpelt back to live the life she always wanted. As a warrior of ThunderClan. I just wanted to make sure that it happened.”
“Then why are you letting her lie in her nest like a cripple?”
“I don’t want her to suffer any more.”
“You’ve given up on her,” Jaypaw accused. “She’s too scared to move, and you’re too scared to let her!”
“That’s not true,” Leafpool hissed.
“Really?” Jaypaw lashed his tail. “Then why don’t you go in there and tell her to get her own water next time?”
“Because I don’t know if that would help her or harm her.”
Jaypaw could hardly believe his ears. How could his mentor have lost so much faith in her own judgment? “You’ve examined her leg! You know it’s just her muscles that are hurt!”
“But I was wrong last time,” Leafpool pointed out. “I said she was ready for her assessment and I was wrong.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I’ve failed her, and I’ve failed StarClan.”
Frustration welled in Jaypaw’s belly. “Do you always give up so easily?” he growled. “I thought this mattered to you, but maybe it doesn’t matter enough!”
Without waiting for her reply, he turned and padded across the clearing. He wanted to get out of the hollow and as far away from Leafpool as possible. He pushed his way through the thorn tunnel.
Birchfall was guarding the entrance. “Hey, Jaypaw. Do you want someone to go with you?”
“No!” Jaypaw headed into the trees.
Following the scent and direction of the breeze, he headed for the lake. The air felt cool and damp, with a chill that hadn’t left it since the recent rains. He picked his way through the woods, following a path he knew well. Emerging from the trees, he padded down the slope toward the beach. Wind ruffled the water, which sounded surprisingly close. Perhaps the damp air carried the sound more easily. Jaypaw stepped down off the bank, his paws sinking into the shingle. He padded forward.
Splash!