“No, not exactly. Not…a real lover.”
His eyebrow shot up. “Perhaps you should explain.”
“I don’t think you would understand.”
“Indulge me.”
Restlessly she moved over to the hearth and began to pace, still clenching her hands. “I’m not at all as experienced as you think me. I have never told anyone this before, but I…I created a lover in my fantasies.” Her cheeks flushed with evident embarrassment, she cast him a swift glance as if to see the effect of her confession.
“Do go on. I am fascinated. Why would you have need to create a lover when there are doubtless scores of men who would jump at the chance to fulfill that role for you?” Kell asked skeptically.
“Because…as I’m sure you know…well-bred ladies cannot take real lovers without risking disgrace.” She hesitated, looking more discomposed than he’d ever seen her. “And because, well, it is much safer that way. One cannot truly fall in love with a fantasy.”
“And falling in love concerns you?”
“Well, yes.” She seemed actually flustered by his questions.
“So you invented an imaginary lover?”
“Yes,” she admitted with obvious reluctance. Her voice dropped to a mere murmur. “A pirate, in fact.”
Kell found himself at a loss for words; once again Raven had startled him with her uniqueness. He thought back to the previous night, remembering how she had addressed him, calling him “my pirate.” She had evidently mistaken him for her lover-which might explain her eagerness but not her unmistakable sexual experience.
“You must have a very vivid imagination,” he said finally. “But that doesn’t explain how you learned the carnal skills you practiced on me last night. You knew precisely how to arouse me.”
“Well, if you must know…” Her flush deepened. “I have a book-a rare book-an erotic journal written by a Frenchwoman who was once captured by Turkish corsairs. It is the tale of her grand passion and is quite…enlightening about carnal matters. My mother left the journal in her personal effects for me to have when I was old enough.”
“Your mother?”
“I knew you wouldn’t understand.”
Kell stared at her. Her answer was just far-fetched enough that he could almost believe she hadn’t made it up out of whole cloth. “Then educate me. Why would your mother want you to be enlightened about carnal matters?”
“Because she meant the book to be a warning to me,” Raven replied uneasily. “Before I was born, my mother fell in love with someone entirely inappropriate. She spent her life futilely nursing her obsession, but in her final days, she grew to lament wasting her life away on her grand passion. By leaving me the book, she intended to remind me of the devastating effect love can have. That love is like a potent drug. It can take over your sanity, destroy common sense and logic. A woman who loves has no power over her life.” Involuntarily Raven clenched her fists. “I vowed long ago I would never follow in her footsteps.”
She glanced at Kell to see how he was receiving her explanation. The expression in his black eyes was shielded by his long lashes.
“And you are worried that you might fall in love with me?” he asked slowly.
“Well…I…” Raven found herself stammering at having her biggest fear stated so baldly. “I don’t wish to fall in love with you-or any other man, for that matter-or for you to fall for me, as your brother claims to have done.”
She saw a muscle tighten in Kell’s jaw at the reminder of their present circumstances. “I suspect there is little danger of us falling in love. Ours is a marriage of convenience, nothing more. I have no intention of joining the legions of men who have succumbed to your charms.”
“I assure you, I don’t wish you to succumb,” Raven said rather tartly, feeling defensive once more.
“What is this, vixen? Wounded vanity?”
At the edge of mockery in his tone, she bristled. “I wouldn’t be wounded in the least if you forgot about my existence altogether.”
“I shall strive to do just that-immediately after we consummate our union.”
That made Raven abruptly fall silent. In the interval, her new husband began to remove his shirt. She watched as he revealed a torso sleekly ridged with muscle, his chest lightly furred with whorls of black hair.
Assaulted by a fresh attack of nerves at the imminent prospect of seeing him naked, she worried her lower lip. “You don’t have to undress entirely, do you?”
“No. But it will be more conducive to passion. You may not recall, but I had little opportunity for sleep last night. Considering my fatigue and the pain of my bullet wound, I suspect it will take more than the prospect of a perfunctory coupling to arouse me.”
His lack of eagerness wasn’t at all flattering, but he seemed determined to go through with the bedding. He sat to remove his boots and breeches, wincing now and then as he completely undressed.
A neat bandage wrapped his lower thigh, Raven saw, but it was the rest of him that captured her unwilling attention. His lean body rippled with muscle, while firelight played across his skin. He was quite beautiful, heaven help her.
Involuntarily she followed the fine line of dark hair down his chest to his naked loins and drew a slow breath. He was every bit as virile as she had imagined him to be-and far more intimidating. Making love to a fantasy would not be the same as giving her body to this man…a very real, very tangible, warm flesh and blood lover.
Realizing he was watching her, she averted her gaze from his all too piercing eyes. But only momentarily. When he rose and moved toward her, she was drawn once again into the intensity of his gaze. He looked much like her pirate lover, except that the flickering shadows made his face look even darker, more dangerous. Just like in her recent disturbing dream.
It was all she could do to remain still when he stopped merely inches from her. Unconsciously Raven reached up to touch his chiseled cheekbone, brushing the jagged line of his scar.
“Does my disfigured face repulse you?” he asked quietly.
The question startled her. He was a stunningly attractive man, with the devil’s own beauty, and no scar could diminish his sensual appeal. In fact it only added to his allure, heightening his aura of danger and rousing a forbidden excitement deep within her. And yet it hurt to think of the pain he must have endured.
“No, it doesn’t repulse me,” she replied just as softly. “Though I did wonder how you came by it.”
He frowned. “It isn’t a pretty tale.”
Grasping her fingers, he held her hand away, dismissing her curiosity just as easily. “I was serious when I said the honors will have to fall to you, vixen.”
“I…I’m not certain what you mean.”
“I mean that I will have to be beneath you. My covering you would severely strain my injured leg. So you will have to take the initiative.”
“Oh.” She flushed at the disturbing image that his plain speaking brought to mind. “I don’t think I would know where to begin.”
“You just said that your journal has given you an adequate carnal education.”
“Yes, but reading about it is different from actually-”
“Perhaps you should use that vivid imagination of yours, then.” When she returned a puzzled frown, Kell amended his suggestion. “You can start by kissing me.”
Shutting her eyes, she raised her face and obediently pressed her lips to his-with no reaction. She’d expected him to ravage her mouth, as in her dream, but he remained as cold and unresponsive as a statue.
She pressed harder and felt a slight stirring of warmth in his lips. A moment later, his arms came around her, but his kiss was still tentative, reluctant, as if he were forcing himself even to touch her.
More determined now, Raven slid her fingers through the heavy, dark waves of his hair and drew his face closer. The resultant spark that flared between them was unmistakable.