“Shut up,” I said as I rolled my eyes and walked toward Sarah, trying to suppress the smile that wanted to break through.
“Eve!” Sarah called excitedly as she saw me walking through the trees. “The guys are setting up a knife throwing contest. The prize is Terrif’s hunting knife. He offered it since his eye sight is getting too bad to do anything with it. They were all hoping you’d stay gone so they’d have a chance at winning.”
The smile did break onto my face as I stepped back into the clearing and saw the target set up across from where everyone was gathered. As soon as Bill and Graye saw me they groaned and threw up their hands in surrender.
“Come on, Sarah!” Graye moaned. “Why’d you have to go and tell her? We might as well not play!”
“Settle down, boys,” I said as I shook my head. “Go ahead. I’ll just watch.”
Cheers erupted and the energy turned to teasing Wix for taking up a blade to enter. He kept up with the banter though, pretending to be the toughest of them all.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” West whispered into my ear. He then started walking in the direction of his tent.
Sarah caught my eye, flashing a quick wink.
It was pretty comical, watching Wix try and keep up with our best scouts in Eden. I had to respect him for trying though. The kid wouldn’t be bullied.
I looked up from my place by the food tent and searched for Sarah. I found her talking to Morgan. She glanced over at me and as she did I felt my insides hollow out. Her eyes were suddenly glazed-over looking, her face going blank. I bolted up from my seat and was across the clearing in five bounding steps. I caught her just as she collapsed.
Sarah’s right arm flailed wildly as I carefully lowered her to the ground. Her eyes stared blankly up at the night sky, her body thrashing violently.
Everyone had been told of Sarah’s newfound condition. It had been necessary should she be with someone and have a seizure. But everyone still gathered around her, watching in horror and with sad expressions. I suddenly wanted to tell all of them to get away. They didn’t need to see her like this.
“Where’s Avian?” I asked to no one in particular as Sarah’s arm batted against my right shoulder. I didn’t even feel it.
“He went back to his tent a while ago,” Morgan said as she crouched down next to us, Sarah’s form starting to still.
“Stay with her,” I instructed. Morgan sat next to me and pulled Sarah’s head into her lap. “I’ll go get him.”
I made my way through the tents, seeing Avian’s in sight. He had a lantern lit, his shadow falling against the off-white canvas. I stopped short just ten feet away though when I noticed another shadow inside.
“Don’t think I don’t know this isn’t normal,” Avian’s voice floated through the night harshly. “I know she’s too young, that I’m too old for her.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say.” I was surprised when it was West’s voice that answered back. “I respect you Avian. But I know how I feel. I know what I want. And I’m pretty sure Eve feels the same way.”
Avian was quiet for a moment and I could almost sense the hard look that was on his face, see how he would rub his hand over his recently shaven head. “You don’t know her,” he said, his voice low. “How would you know how she feels, what she’s been through? I’ve been there for her every moment the last five years. I took care of her when we found her alone in the woods. I watched her, knowing what she was, knowing that even if she turned against us that I wouldn’t be able to short her out.
“And it’s not like she’s just some eighteen-year-old girl. She’s never had a childhood. She’s never been a kid. She’s been a leader her whole life.
“So don’t try and tell me what I already know and wish could be different.”
The tension inside the tent billowed out in an almost tangible way. When West spoke again it was tight sounding, as if he was speaking through his teeth. “Don’t you dare say I wasn’t there for her. I’ve known her for as long as I can remember. I watched everything she was going through. I begged my grandfather and father for years to stop, to let her go. She was my best friend, my only friend. After she disappeared, I hoped for years that she was still alive. It ripped me apart, not knowing what happened to her. I’ve never stopped looking, hoping, for those five years.”
I stood there, feeling ready to explode. I wanted to run in there and tell them to stop fighting. I didn’t belong to either of them. They had no claim on me. And yet the words they said, they settled into a deep place inside of me, burrowing into every corner of me. I also just wanted to run into the dark and force it all out, to go back to the way I was just a month earlier. I felt like I was about to be swallowed up by myself.
“It’s just going to have to be up to Eve,” Avian finally said quietly. “We both know that.”
I saw West’s shadow nod.
I didn’t want to hear anymore. I didn’t want their words to make me feel anymore. I didn’t think I could handle any more of it.
“Avian,” I called, shuffling my feet, trying to pretend to just be walking up. “Sarah needs you.”
There was a pause as they looked at each other for a moment, and then Avian stepped out.
“She had another seizure,” I said quietly. I almost felt like I was seeing a different side to Avian. He wasn’t just the man who had looked out for me all my life. He was the man who pretended like he would destroy me if he had to, but would never be able to bring himself to do it if I turned against them. Did that mean he cared more about me than he did Eden?
“Where is she?” he asked when I paused.
“Still in the clearing,” I finally managed. “Morgan is taking care of her.”
He gave me a long look and I could sense the things that surged inside of him. A moment later he started back toward the clearing.
I heard footsteps come up behind me. West’s hand slipped into mine, but I took a quick step away, shaking it off.
“I think I’m going to go to bed now,” I said. I didn’t even glance back as I walked swiftly toward my tent. My breath was coming in shallow gasps. My hands started shaking and my insides quivered. I wanted to turn it off. Not feeling was easier.
THIRTEEN
Without meaning to, West was added to my avoidance pattern for the next few days.
I got my lunch and went to sit at the edge of the lake to eat it. I sat with my toes dipped in the water, sweat dripping down my back, my pack becoming damp through my threadbare shirt. Summer had finally arrived with full force.
My afternoon was free of any duties and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I almost didn’t want to do anything. The heat made me feel sluggish and slowed down. Guess that was one thing I didn’t share with the Fallen. The sun certainly didn’t charge me in the same way. In a weird way, that felt like a triumph.
I deposited my pack into my tent, always a nearly painful thing to do, and made my way to the east side of the lake. The trees hung over the lake in this section, providing a lot of privacy. I slipped out of my sticky clothes, washed them quickly, then hung them out to dry. I jumped in, the cool water hitting my skin with a sharp slap. I gave a sigh as my head surfaced, pushing my hair out of my face. The sun was nearly blinding as it danced on the surface of the water.
I set out for the west side of the lake, taking long strokes that propelled me forward.
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t push Avian and West from my thoughts. I found myself craving their presence and yet dreading having to come face to face with either of them. I wanted that peace I had felt with Avian’s hand in mine, to hear him breathing and just feel him there. And yet I wanted to feel alive in a way I never had felt before when West kissed me, held me.