“Probably not,” I mused, my eyes scanning my surroundings again. “How do you know about this place?”
“I scouted it out, same as you,” he said as he headed back to the other room. “I’m assuming this is the house you found all the food at?”
“Um hum,” I mumbled as I followed him. The room held two large white boxes that were hard sided and nearly as large as me. It also contained a sink, a few cupboards, and a small counter space. West opened the cupboards and my eyes grew wide as I recognized the round white bottles he started pulling out.
“Bleach,” I breathed. “I didn’t see it when I was here last. And look at those, they’ll be perfect for storing water,” I said as I spotted some empty plastic containers on the top shelf.
“Here,” West said as he pulled a length of rope out of his pack. “Tie them on for me.”
The containers secured to West’s pack, we searched the rest of the house for more but didn’t find anything useful. We headed outside and started pacing the perimeter.
“Look at these,” I said as four blue barrels that were nearly the same size as me came into view.
“Catchment containers,” West said, his voice hitching up a notch in excitement. “See that pipe that leads into the top of this one?” he said as his finger traced the line that ran along the roof line and dropped into the first barrel. “These one’s here connect them, it’s set up as a big containment unit but they would work individually. They’d hold probably 200 gallons between all of them.”
“They’re nearly empty,” I said as I knocked on the side of one. “We could each take one back with us tonight, bring the rest tomorrow. It’s nearly time to head back anyway.”
We got the catchment system unhooked and drained the rest of the dank smelling water out of them. It was then that I realized just how long it had been since it had rained.
It wasn’t easy maneuvering the barrels through the woods as we rolled them but it was worth every push. This was exactly what we needed.
The silence hung heavy over us as we moved, discomfort growing by the minute. I felt like I had two pieces of me inside regarding West. One part of me was constantly infuriated at the way he reacted to everything, the things he said, the way he looked at me. The other side wanted me to constantly move closer, to let him wake up the all too human side of me. Right then I wasn’t sure which Eve I was.
“Did you really mean it when you said that you couldn’t be around me?” West graciously broke the silence for me. I instantly knew what he was talking about and I wished for the silence back.
“Yes,” I answered simply as I maneuvered my barrel around a boulder.
“Then what was the other night about? Up on the watchtower?” he pressed as he followed behind me.
“A moment of human weakness,” I responded. I knew it was too harsh but I also knew West wasn’t fragile.
We were quiet for a while as we continued back toward Eden. “What is it that you want from me, Eve? What am I to you?”
I stopped short and turned my eyes on him. “Nothing. I don’t want anything from you. You’re my fellow soldier in his impossible war. What… what do you mean?”
“What went through your head when you suddenly pulled away that night?” he asked quietly.
I froze, recalling how I had seen Avian’s face. Part of me was human enough to try and not hurt West with that fact though. “What did you mean that night? You said you hated the way I looked at Avian? How do I look at him?” My insides felt like they were running in a circle at a stumbling sprint all the sudden.
West looked back at me, his eyes hard to read. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, his eyes dropping to the ground for a moment. “You have no idea what you want, do you?”
“What are you talking about?” I demanded, feeling frustrated. “The only thing I want is to survive, to have Eden survive.”
“No Eve,” he said as his eyes hardened as he shook his head once. “That’s not the only thing you want and you don’t even know it. You don’t think that I don’t see what is happening to you? I know you feel something when we’re together, that you crave more of it. If you didn’t it wouldn’t keep happening. But then there’s Avian. When you are around him, you’re different. You’re… yourself. You can’t stay away from him, unlike me, even when you’re furious with him.
“You want us both. And you don’t even know it,” he said more quietly. “But you also need to realize that you can’t have both.”
“I know that,” I whispered as I looked away from West and started pushing my barrel again.
“He’s too old for you, you know that,” West said from behind me as he started pushing his barrel again. “It’s not normal.”
“And I’m a child?” I shot back.
“No, but you’re not a woman either. Avian should be with someone more like Victoria. He should be thinking about a family, of moving on with his life. You’re not ready for that are you?”
“And are you saying you’re better suited for me?” I said as I kept my eyes fixed before me.
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I’ll ever know until you know what you want.”
And that stuck in my mind the entire journey home. For once someone was giving me the option to think about what I wanted. Not what was needed or required, but what I wanted. I wasn’t sure I’d ever really wanted anything before. But it was then that I realized that I did want something. I just didn’t know what.
TWENTY-TWO
Everyone was ecstatic when we brought the barrels back and I sensed a small feeling of pride that I was part of the team that had brought them back. I found myself seeking Avian out to report the good news.
I heard his voice floating out from the open aired medical tent. Another voice joined his and they burst into a chorus of laughter. I slowed my approach, stepping behind a tent to conceal myself.
Avian stood next to Victoria, pointing to something in a book. He looked up at her and I watched as his eyes trailed over her red curls. I saw the light that danced in his eyes. His shoulder brushed against hers as he reached across the table for a gauze wrap. She held out her hand as he demonstrated his technique for stopping blood flow.
Victoria had volunteered to be Avian’s apprentice. They had been spending a lot of time together the last few days.
I swallowed hard as I turned and walked the other way. Did the light shine in Avian’s eyes when he looked at me? I had never noticed. Had he ever laughed with me the way he just had with Victoria?
West’s statement that Avian was in a different place in his life than I was reverberated in my brain. Had he been right? Was Avian too old for me? I didn’t feel young and I had never seen Avian as that much different than myself but the numbers were there. Did they matter?
Maybe he should be with someone like Victoria. Maybe he should have a family, have a son like Brady.
But could I handle seeing him with someone who wasn’t me? I’d never had to face that thought before. It made my stomach turn in a way I wasn’t familiar with.
The light burned away with the blazing heat of the day, a violent colored sky painted above our heads. Dinner was quiet as we quickly ate our small portions and set about our evening activities. Fires were built as the last of the day’s light faded away. I stood on the edge of the lake against the tree line, just watching.
Morgan, the woman who took care of our horse, walked to her husband Eli, placed a kiss on his forehead as she sat beside him. Gabriel wandered out of his tent, joining his wife Leah at the dining table where she talked to a few other women. Under the table he rested his hand on her knee, a brief moment of affection flashing in their eyes as they looked at each other.