‘And perhaps, the next time I see you, you can sketch me in my new uniform as well,’ said William.
Monday 30 January
My father was impressed with Fanny’s drawings, and he has thought of a scheme to help her see William in his new uniform.
‘I am planning on sending her back to Portsmouth with him, to spend a little time with her family,’ he said to me. ‘What do you think of the idea, Edmund?’
‘I think it an excellent one. I know she will welcome it.’
‘Good. Then send her to me and I will tell her of it,’ he said. When Fanny heard of it she was in raptures. Though she did not make the noise my sisters would have done at such delight, her shining face told me her feelings, and her swelling heart soon gave them voice.
‘I can never thank my uncle enough for being so kind,’ she said to William and me. ‘To go home again! And to be with you, William, until your very last hour on land. And then to stay with my family for two months, perhaps three. Oh! never was anyone luckier than I.’ Then her face fell and she said to me, ‘But will your mother be able to manage without me?’
‘Of course she will,’ I said. ‘She will have Aunt Norris.’
‘But Aunt Norris will not fetch and carry for her as I do.’
‘Then I will do it for her.’
‘But you will not be here.’ She colored. ‘You will soon be going to town, and you will have other demands on your time, other people...’
I thought of Mary, and I was sure her thoughts had gone to Mary’s brother, for why else should she fall silent? I reassured her that Mama would manage without her, but she was still perturbed, and it was not until my father reassured her after dinner that she was content. It is so like Fanny to be always thinking of others. It will do her good to go to Portsmouth, where she can think more of herself. And if she marries Crawford — when she marries Crawford — she will be able to consult her own inclination on almost everything. She will have servants to run her errands, instead of having to run them for others, and everything in the house will be organized as she wishes. She will be a very happy woman before the year is out.
Tuesday 31 January
Having told Fanny Mama could manage without her, I was surprised to find that Mama saw it in a different light.
‘Why should she see her family?’ she asked, when Fanny was out riding. ‘She has done very well without her family for eight or nine years. Why can she not do without them again?’
‘My dear,’ said my father, ‘it is only right and proper that Fanny should visit them from time to time.’
‘I do not see why,’ said Mama, picking Pug up and stroking him. ‘I am sure she does not want to go. Ask her, Sir Thomas. I am sure she would much rather stay here.’
‘She has a duty to her family,’ said my father, trying again.
‘And she has a duty here,’ returned Mama.
‘It will be a sacrifice for you, I know,’ said my father, ‘but Lady Bertram has always been capable of sacrifice for the good of others, and I know she will be so again.’
This courtesy did little to soften Mama’s unhappiness. ‘I see that you think she must go, and if you think it, Sir Thomas, then she must, but for myself I can see no reason for it. I need her so very much here.’
At this my aunt joined in the conversation.
‘Nonsense, my dear Lady Bertram. Fanny can very well be spared. I am ready to give up all my time to your pleasure, and Fanny will not be wanted or missed.’
‘That may be, sister. I dare say you are very right; but I am sure I shall miss her very much,’ said Mama.
Knowing that my father would have his way and Fanny would go to Portsmouth, I blessed Mama for her words; it was good to know that Fanny would be so missed by someone other than myself, for I fear she is often taken for granted.
FEBRUARY
Wednesday 1 February
Fanny has written to her mother, suggesting the visit, and now she waits for a reply.
Friday 3 February
The reply arrived, a few simple lines expressing so natural and motherly a joy in the prospect of seeing Fanny again as to confirm all Fanny’s views of happiness in being with her. She was brimming over with spirits as we walked in the park, making the most of a dry spell that has left the ground as hard as iron and the air as heady as wine.
‘I will be much more useful to her than when I left, and now that she is no longer occupied by the incessant demands of a house full of little children, there will be leisure and inclination for every comfort, and we should soon be what mother and daughter ought to be to each other,’ she said.
William was almost as happy as Fanny.
‘It will be the greatest pleasure to have you there to the last moment before I sail, and perhaps find you there still when I come in from my first cruise. And besides, I want you so very much to see the Thrush before she goes out of harbor. She is the finest sloop in the service, and there are several improvements in the dockyard, too, which I long to show you.
‘It will be good for all the family to see you,’ he went on. ‘I do not know how it is, but we seem to want some of your nice ways and orderliness at my father’s. The house is always in confusion. You will set things going in a better way, I am sure. You will tell my mother how it all ought to be, and you will be so useful to Susan, and you will teach Betsey, and make the boys love and mind you. How right and comfortable it will all be!’
Saturday 4 February
My aunt was horrified when she heard that Fanny and William will be travelling post to Portsmouth.
‘My dear Sir Thomas, there is no need for it, no need for it at all. Only think of the expense. There are many cheaper ways for them to reach the coast,’ she said. My father delighted me by saying, ‘They will certainly not travel any other way,’ and settled the matter by giving William the fare.
‘Well, if it is to be, then it is to be. But surely,’ said my aunt, suddenly struck with an idea to her own advantage, ‘there will be room for a third in the carriage. Do you know I think I will go with them. I am longing to see my poor dear sister Price. I have not seen her for an age. I must say that I have more than half a mind to go with the young people; it would be such an indulgence to me; I have not seen her for more than twenty years; and it would be a help to the young people in their journey to have my older head to manage for them. I cannot help thinking my poor dear sister Price would feel it very unkind of me not to come by such an opportunity.’
Fanny’s face fell, and William’s look of horror was comical. I could not blame him for his reaction. To be forced into such close company with my aunt, for such a period of time, would daunt even the strongest of hearts. Fanny retired, and fortunately my aunt changed her mind, so I followed Fanny from the room to tell her of her reprieve. I found her in the library.
‘Aunt Norris has decided that she is needed here. She will not be going with you,’ I said.
‘Though I suspect that her real reason was a realization that she would have to pay her own expenses back again.’
Fanny’s look of relief lit up her face.
‘My aunt is a very good woman, but....’
‘Exactly. But!’
We both smiled.
‘Come, Fanny, walk with me outside. I do not seem to have seen anything of you recently. You are always closeted with William. Your old friends have had to do without you.’
‘No!’ she said in consternation, then saw that I was teasing her. ‘I see so little of William, I have to make the most of every minute when I see him.’
‘I will let you go back to him soon, but I am selfishly claiming you for the next hour. I have no one sensible to talk to when you are elsewhere, unless it is about business, and I am tired of business. Tell me what you have been reading, and what you have been thinking, and what you have been feeling.’