“You just told us ‘thank you’ and ‘good night,’ ” Shawn said. “Uh.”
“Thank you,” the president said.
“Don’t you need bodyguards?” Andrew said.
“Bodyguards are stupid,” the president said. “But yeah. They’re coming. They missed the train.”
The president’s cell phone rang.
It was coconut noises.
Shawn looked at Andrew.
Andrew grinned.
“Coconuts,” Andrew said.
“Or bowling,” Lelu said.
“Now it sounds like bowling,” Andrew said.
“Coconuts is better,” Shawn said.
“Now it’s coconuts again,” Andrew said.
“We’re in a sushi place,” the president said into his phone.
Andrew went to the bathroom.
In the bathroom Andrew felt bored. He looked in the mirror and there he was.
Andrew left the bathroom.
There was a moose, a bear, a dolphin, and an alien standing around the president.
Andrew tried to not look at the alien.
He looked at the dolphin.
“I’m Andrew,” he said.
Andrew put out a hand to shake hands.
The president slapped Andrew’s hand away.
Andrew glared at the president a moment then grinned.
“They don’t have names,” the president said. “You don’t have to introduce yourself.”
The waitress asked if Andrew wanted ice water.
“Okay,” Andrew said.
“You don’t do that with bodyguards,” the president said. “I’m annoyed. How stupid is that.”
“Why did you become president if you think it’s stupid,” Shawn said.
“I don’t know,” the president said. “Life is meaningless. Everyone knows this. Look at Fernando Pessoa. He knew the most that life was meaningless. But he was always worrying about things. If life was really meaningless you wouldn’t worry about things.”
“You’ve read Fernando Pessoa?” Lelu said.
“You have?” Andrew said to Lelu.
“Yeah, you?”
“Yeah,” Andrew said.
“You?” Andrew said to the dolphin.
“Yeah,” the dolphin said.
“Have you?” Andrew said to Shawn.
“No,” Shawn said. “Who is he?”
“A Portuguese author,” the moose said.
The bear slapped the moose.
“Who hasn’t read this person?” Shawn said loudly.
Everyone had read Fernando Pessoa.
“You should just leave,” the president said to Shawn.
“I already ordered,” Shawn said.
“Just leave money for what you ordered,” the president said.
Shawn took out his wallet.
He only had a hundred dollar bill.
“Leave it,” the president said. “Wait. Is that counterfeit money?”
“It’s real,” Shawn said.
The president took it and put it in his pocket.
“You can leave now,” the president said. “You can go home now.”
Shawn left.
“That was mean,” Lelu said. “I bet we won’t even talk about Fernando Pessoa.”
“He probably believes the moon is really Australia and that they’re talking about Australia when they talk about the moon hoax, which he believes in,” the president said. “Which means he doesn’t believe in Australia.”
The alien sat where Shawn had been sitting, next to Andrew.
Andrew felt afraid.
He went to the bathroom.
When he came back the alien was still there.
Andrew thought about sitting somewhere else but saw the alien looking at him.
The alien was talking and it stared at Andrew a little then calmly averted its eyes as it kept talking.
Andrew sat in his seat next to the alien.
“Fernando Pessoa said he respected Buddhists and monks and whoever,” the alien was saying, “because they tried to escape life, to not accept what was given us — this life, this stupid life.” The alien had a British accent. “I’m from Wales,” he said to Andrew.
Andrew tried to nod but his neck was tense and it trembled a little.
“Pessoa said art was fun and beautiful because it was useless and had no meaning,” the alien said. “And that life is not fun because there is always a goal; you always need a goal each day. He admired Buddhists and monks but that is not art. Buddhists and monks have goals.”
“You can’t be aware of the meaninglessness of life and all that if you’re a Buddhist monk,” the bear said. “It’s just stupid. Everything is stupid.” The bear took out a blanket and put it on the moose’s head.
“If art is fun and beautiful you can’t say it’s useless,” the president said. “You’re wrong.”
“What do you think?” Andrew said to the dolphin.
Andrew liked the dolphin.
“I want to sit,” the dolphin said.
Lelu stood. “You can sit,” Lelu said.
“I want to sit down on a large soft sofa,” the dolphin said.
“Oh,” Lelu said, and sat.
“Pessoa talked about there being no escape,” the bear said. “He was right. Buddhist monks do not escape. No one escapes. If there were an escape it would be an escape to another place that you would have the possibility to escape from, so the only possible escape is to be in the act of escaping. Therefore the only way to escape is to not escape. Talking about this is stupid. Escaping is not the same as having escaped. It’s stupid.”
The moose bumped into a table and knocked the table over.
“I know someone,” the president said. “He emailed me and said he wanted to invent a suicide gun. A special gun that you wouldn’t need to use your toes to kill yourself with. That’s a good idea.”
“I have two wishes left,” the bear said.
“Don’t waste it on a suicide gun,” the president said.
“No,” the bear said. “I don’t care.”
“Thank you,” the president said.
The bear wished for a suicide gun.
A shotgun appeared on the table.
“It’s just a shotgun,” Andrew said. “That’s not fair.”
“We should have been more specific,” the bear said.
“We should have thought about it first,” the president said.
“It’s our fault,” the bear said.
“Can you wish me a Concorde Jet?” Lelu said.
“I wish Lelu had a Concorde Jet,” the bear said.
“Thank you,” Lelu said. “Where is it?”
“Probably outside.”
Lelu went outside.
She came back. “It’s there,” she said. “I’m going to Easter Island.”