Chapter VI
“NOW, MISS LACY, will you lead us in?” said Thomas.
“Well, I feel it does need a certain initiative,” said Miss Lacy, laughing and going to the door.
Thomas remained on his feet at the head of the table. Grace at meals was the custom in his home, though he said it without conviction and sometimes with discomfiture. Jessica’s word on such matters was law, and he had been surprised to find how many of the kind there were, not having grasped the truth of her assertion that religion entered into the whole of life. The discovery that it was her habit to pray for him, marked a stage in their relation; and it was at this time that Jessica realised that she was second to his daughter in his heart.
“Thirteen at the table!” said Tullia, checking herself as she was about to sit down.
“What does that mean?” said Bernard.
“That the person who sits down first, will be dead within a certain time; I forget how long,” said Tullia, in a tone of merely quoting a belief.
“Then I ought to be the one to do so,” said Sukey, not seeming to think of suiting her action to her words. “It is so much more likely for me than for anyone else.”
“Then do not dream of it, Aunt Sukey,” said Bernard. “You would be sustaining too many of the threats of fate.”
“Well, I will do as I am told,” said Sukey, continuing to stand.
Thomas’s eyes had a smile in them, as they went from face to face. He was free from superstition and at ease to observe the scene;
“Men wait until the women are seated,” said Terence.
“Perhaps it is true that the real demands of life fall on the latter,” said Miss Lacy.
“It is a good thing the children are not here,” said Florence in a serious tone.
“It would save the situation,” said Bernard. “We should be fifteen.”
“We do not remedy it by not sitting down,” said Benjamin. “Our anxiety can only be transferred to other people.”
“If you do not feel it is improved, you are a person by yourself,” said Terence.
“Father does not deny he is that,” said Bernard.
Benjamin did not do so, but had his own grounds for the belief.
“I am superstitious, I know,” said Anna, standing at a distance from her chair. “I am not going to pretend I am not.”
“Aren’t you really?” said Terence. “Then you cannot pretend that you do not rank your life above other people’s.”
“Well, everyone does that.”
“No, you do not pretend,” said her cousin, “but I think I am still going to.”
“Shall I go and fetch the children?” said Reuben, his voice betraying complacence in his separation from these.
“I do not mind being the first to sit down,” said Jenney, in a hesitating tone.
“No, don’t do it, Jenney,” said Reuben at once.
“I wonder how many of us really believe it,” said Tullia, tapping her fingers on the table.
“We cannot say that,” said Bernard. “We see it is a deep and universal faith.”
“No one is sure that there might not be ‘something in it,’ ” said Miss Lacy. “These things may have some reason behind them, some series of links in their history.”
“Something more powerful than history is here,” said Thomas.
“How dreadful we all think it is to die!” said Jenney, in a deprecating tone.
“Of course we do,” said Terence. “Or why should we send for doctors when we are in danger of it, and execute people when they inflict it on us?”
“Perhaps this little difficulty may give you some insight into my life, as I live it day by day,” said Sukey.
“I really thought of that at once,” said Bernard.
“Yes, I think several of you did,” said Sukey.
“It may give us some insight into ourselves,” said Anna.
“That is what I was going to say,” said Jessica.
“Then we are at one, Aunt Jessica, for once.”
“Somehow that does seem odd,” murmured Terence.
“Quite true; I quite agree,” said his cousin.
“But it is nice of Aunt Sukey,” said Terence. “She persists in thinking good of people. If she did not, I don’t know what she would think.”
“That her position was not too good,” said Anna, in a mutter.
“Did we need insight into ourselves?” said Bernard. “It is a matter on which it is hard to be deceived. We can only hope that other people are deceived about us.”
“We know they can’t be, as they can judge us by themselves,” said Terence.
Miss Lacy went into laughter, and gave her chair an audible pull, as if she might sit down on it at any moment.
Florence regarded the action with an enigmatic face.
“It doesn’t seem that we ought to feel like this,” said Jenney, looking at her chair with an almost wistful expression.
“Well, we never meant people to know we did,” said Bernard.
“It is the last person who sits down, who takes the risk,” said Thomas, with his lips grave.
“Is this pause a real one?” said Terence. “It seems to be full of so much.”
“We are living at our highest pitch,” said Bernard. “The moment will live in our memory.”
“So I always live at a higher pitch than other people,” said Sukey. “When I see how this touch of imaginary risk affects them, I feel that I may live as much in my short time as they in their long one. It is true that we live in deeds, not years.”
The grating of a chair was heard, and Tullia sank into it, as if she lacked the energy to stand for another moment. Sukey did the same, as if it were also for her the only course. A chorus of grating ensued, and as people glanced about to be assured of their personal timeliness, Jessica was seen to be standing by her chair with her usual expression.
“We ought not to let a superstition influence our actions. And I thought Miss Jennings meant to be the last, and we could not let a guest do that for us.”
“Surely some confusion of thought,” murmured Tullia, stooping forward in an attitude of exhaustion.
“When will Mother sit down?” said Terence. “And who was the last to do so, if she does not?”
Jessica gave him a smile and took her seat.
“Well, as Aunt Jessica has sacrificed herself, there is nothing to do but take advantage of it,” said Anna, unfolding her napkin.
Tullia followed the example, seeming hardly to know what she did. Sukey turned to her neighbour and spoke with a faint smile.
“Well, whatever risk my sister has taken, it is not more than I face with every hour of my life.”
“Aunt Sukey’s reactions are so natural,” said Terence. “They are what mine would be in her place. And I find that so surprising.”
“Well, now, how do we feel about it?” said Miss Lacy. “Is our uneasiness for ourselves transferred to another? Or did we not really have any uneasiness, or how was it?”
“Of course we had it,” said Bernard. “Or we should have got the credit of sitting down first or last, or whatever it was.”
“You know it was last,” said Anna.
“If anyone had sat down first, in the first place, he would have done well,” said Thomas.
“The anxiety was too slight to count much for anyone else,” said Terence. “Of course everything counts for ourselves.”
“Oh, there was a real hard core of uneasiness,” said Anna. “You can’t get away from that.”
“No, I suppose it is no good to try,” said her cousin.
“Oh, I don’t think we were really nervous about it,” said Jenney, in a tone of compunction, looking at Jessica.
“I daresay you were not,” said Bernard. “I think you have almost proved it. You would have faced the danger, if Reuben had permitted it.”