13. Сыч: Ищет носки, не находит, долго ругает Борланда, затем полгода строит в шкафу носкостроительную фабрику.
14. Сыч с прицепом: Смотри п.13; потом долго ходит весь обвешанный разноцветными носками и хвастается ими перед подругами.
15. Асматик: В шкаф не лезет, однако снимает с себя штаны, распускает их на нитки, потом вяжет из ниток носки, костюм-тройку, занавеску на окна, а также постельное белье. На наволочку ниток не хватает, и тогда он расплетает носки.
16. Хакер: Разворачивает шкаф, выбивает у него заднюю стенку, лезет внутрь, режет все пакеты и ткани, пока не находит носки. Носит носки гордо, но в глубокой тайне (то есть в ботинках).
17. Байсяк: Находит носки, но не в силах их надеть, так как слишком стеснен свежими пеленками.
18. Бухгалтерьер: Если находит носки, то тут же прячет их так, что никто и никогда не найдет.
О детях
Получив на уроке информатики двойку, Сидоров удалил страницу и переформатировал дневник.
Тоp Ten Signs That Linux Has Bill Gates Worried
* 10 - New numbering scheme. Instead of Windows95, it is now Windows
3.1.pl95.
* 9 - His wife says he's wild in bed now. He is tossing and turning in his
sleep, not just laying there.
* 8 - Microsoft's headquarter moves to Finland.
* 7 - Window's performance is now measured in BogoGPF's.
* 6 - Bill's consulting with his lawyers on whether or not they could defeat
the GPL.
* 5 - 1995 is here. Linux is here. Something isn't.
* 4 - Flowers sent to Janet Reno with a note saying "What's a little
anti-trust between friends."
* 3 - Renames Star Wars action figures as "Bill Skywalker" and "Darth
Torvalds"
* 2 - Whenever someone asks him about Windows, all he can say is "X"
* 1 - He sent Linus the source for Windows95 with a note that says "HELP ME
SAVE MY ASS!"
Brian A. Lantz(brian@lantz.com) Last updated: March 1, 1995
Does god know unix?
Take your time to understand this riddle.
This is the funniest message I have ever read.
GOD ONLINE ************************
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
:Let there be light!
#Enter user id.
:God
#Enter password.
:Omniscient
#Password incorrect. Try again.
:Omnipotent
#Password incorrect. Try again.
:Technocrat
*
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
:Let there be light!
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
:Create light
#Done
:Run heaven and earth
#And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1. #Approx. funds remaining: $92.50.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
:Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
#Unrecognizable command. Try again.
:Create firmament
#Done.
:Run firmament
#And God made the earth. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2. #Approx. funds remaining: $84.60.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
:Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and
#Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
:Create dry_land
#Done.
:Run firmament
#And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3. #Approx. funds remaining: $65.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
:Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
#Unspecified type. Try again.
:Create sun_moon_stars
#Done
:Run sun_moon_stars
#And God saw the day and the night. And God saw there were 0 errors. #And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4. #Approx. funds remaining: $54.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
:Create fish
#Done
:Create fowl
#Done
:Run fish, fowl
#And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
#And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5. #Approx. funds remaining: $45.00.
#And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
:Create cattle
#Done
:Create creepy_things
#Done
:Now let us make man in our image
#Unspecified type. Try again.
:Create man
#Done
:Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth
#Too many command operands. Try again.
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 6 errors.
:Insert breath
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 5 errors.
:Move man to Garden of Eden
#File Garden of Eden does not exist.
:Create Garden.edn
#Done
:Move man to Garden.edn
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 4 errors.
:Copy woman from man
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 3 errors.
:Insert woman into man
#Illegal parameters. Try again.
:Insert man into woman
#Done
:Run multiplication
#Execution terminated. 2 errors.
:Create desire
#Done
:Run multiplication
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create freewill
#Done
:Run freewill
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Undo desire
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
:Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Help
#Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created. #Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Create tree_of_knowledge
#And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
#Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
:Create good, evil
#Done
:Activate evil
#And God saw he had created shame. *
#Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.
:Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
#Search failed.
:Delete shame
#Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
:Destroy freewill
#Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed. #Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
:Stop
#Unrecognizable command. Try again
:Break :Break :Break
#ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.
:Create new world
#You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.
:Destroy earth
#Destroy earth: Please confirm.
:Destroy earth confirmed
#COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 6 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
#And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Saturday, March 5. #Approx. funds remaining: $0.00.
To Igor Roshchin's homepage.
God as programmer
Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.
Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through
all those variables.
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen? A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.